How to get rid of our caregiver?

Let me shorten this: What does the house look like? Can she comfortably live on one floor? Full bath with tub and shower; bedroom, living space, and kitchen? If not: This may not be the place for her. Look at senior liviing places for her with actvitiies. She may benefit more with this type of living, socializing with people.

Talk with mom about a smaller more functional home for her, maybe a 6-pack: 2 caretakers and 6 residents in a home.....

Look at different options. Ifthis man is givng you issues, give him a 2 week notice. You may want to shop around for another czretaker first, don't let him know. Is he bonded? Do you have insurance to cover this man if he 'injures" himself? I have a friend in Moms 6-pack said she lost everything to her caretaker; due to back injuries. She says she lost everything that's why she is where she is.

I had kinda the same issue. Only I was on title of the house. I tried moving mom in with me, she hated that and yelled at me and family...She really is a sweetheart..THE AGE OLD MANTRA: I WANT TO GO HOME: After awhile that is not realistic. I moved her in a board & care and sold the house to take care of Mom. Now, my MIL is giving us the same mantra. We listened. Put her back in her non functional home for her.. kitchen on one floor and bathrooms and bedrooms on another....She got a stroke, finally we had to move her toa baord & care, and gave caretaker 2 week notice..

WE this maybe being a 3 million dollar house really isn't what she needs. It's what she wants, but how is the layout of the home?

tinacanepa12345, your Mom is paying this caregiver $400.00 per week, which is $20,800 a year.... and if he worked a 40 hour week, that comes to $10.00 an hour.

How much do you think he should he be paying from the paycheck for room and board? Plus paying his estimated quarterly income taxes? You mentioned your Mom's home is worth $3M, thus from a real estate point of view and depending on location [like near a large metro area], room and board would be around $1500 to $2k per month. Thus, no Caregiver could afford to live in such a home being paid only $10/hour, paying estimated taxes, and also paying room/board. This young man isn't building up much of a nest egg... living like a King, far from it. No wonder he needs to work another job.

As for sleeping elsewhere at nights, after 5pm and on weekends is his time to do whatever he likes.

Was this fellow hired as a caregiver or a companion? A companion is just that, someone who is there to keep the elderly person from being alone and lonely. They do not have to dress the person or do nursing-type duties. Who hired this guy, where did they find him, and what exactly are his duties? If you are there with your mother I would imagine you would be her companion so I'm not certain what he was hired for. Is he a relative? I suspect there's a lot more to this story that you haven't told us and we can't give informed advice without knowing exactly what's going on.

If she doesn't want to get rid of him you will not be able to do anything unless you can declare her incompetent.

It sounds like Adult Protective Services may be needed. If they don't consider this exploitation - and they may not be able to say that it is - then you can't do much unless you or someone else obtains guardianship.

Elderly people have the right to make mistakes. Upsetting as this is, unless it can be proven that something illegal is going on, or that you mom isn't capable of making her own decisions, there may not be anything that you can do. I certainly see why this is upsetting to you, but if she's happy with the arrangement and nothing illegal or abusive is going on then you may be stuck.

Please keep us posted as you learn more.
Carol

You can call adult protective services in your area and have them do a investigation. A guardian can be appointed to oversee her affairs if she is not capable to do so. If he is not living up to his obligations the will get rid of him,

How long has he been employed to care for her?
How long have you been living with her?
Who hired him?
What does he do during his working week?
What is his other job?
What are your mother's care needs, would you say?
Does your mother have capacity?

I realise that's a lot of questions and no answers. But from what you say, your mother enjoys this person's company, perhaps gets some reassurance from there being someone around to call on in an emergency, and altogether thinks he's worth the $20K + a year that she's spending on him. Sounds like plenty to me, for not much in return, but this is up to her if she is still in charge of her own life and her own house.

What kind of plan have you as a family made for her care as she becomes older and more frail? If there isn't one, perhaps you'd better approach her about it; but don't start from the premise that this man, whom she likes, has to go or you'll get nowhere. You may resent him but clearly she doesn't.