Follow
Share

Mom is 93. I live with her and the male caregiver lives with her full time. 3 million dollar home, pool, his own bedroom, works 9 to 5 when he is here. Will not chip in for food, cable, gas, nothing. Double dips mraning mom lets him go work other jobd when he is suppose to be hete mon threw fridays 9 to 5. Most nights sleeps over girlfriend. Does. basically nothing and she loves him and turning against my sister and I. Writing on the wall, he is using my mom.she showers herself, dresses herself and he does nothing but live like a king, she pays him 400 a week and he pays no rent. How do we convince her to let him go. She had a head injury so she forgets alot. This leech is bad news. Please help

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
It sounds like Adult Protective Services may be needed. If they don't consider this exploitation - and they may not be able to say that it is - then you can't do much unless you or someone else obtains guardianship.

Elderly people have the right to make mistakes. Upsetting as this is, unless it can be proven that something illegal is going on, or that you mom isn't capable of making her own decisions, there may not be anything that you can do. I certainly see why this is upsetting to you, but if she's happy with the arrangement and nothing illegal or abusive is going on then you may be stuck.

Please keep us posted as you learn more.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If she doesn't want to get rid of him you will not be able to do anything unless you can declare her incompetent.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

tinacanepa12345, your Mom is paying this caregiver $400.00 per week, which is $20,800 a year.... and if he worked a 40 hour week, that comes to $10.00 an hour.

How much do you think he should he be paying from the paycheck for room and board? Plus paying his estimated quarterly income taxes? You mentioned your Mom's home is worth $3M, thus from a real estate point of view and depending on location [like near a large metro area], room and board would be around $1500 to $2k per month. Thus, no Caregiver could afford to live in such a home being paid only $10/hour, paying estimated taxes, and also paying room/board. This young man isn't building up much of a nest egg... living like a King, far from it. No wonder he needs to work another job.

As for sleeping elsewhere at nights, after 5pm and on weekends is his time to do whatever he likes.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Hmmm ... this guy is a leech -- maybe. But your mother likes having him around enough to pay him $10/ hour whether he works the hours or not, and also allows him to maintain a room in her house, even though he often doesn't stay overnight. And apparently she provides meals (?)

If this gives your mother pleasure, and she can afford it, what is the problem?

Hmmm. What does "turning against my sister and I" mean? Is he actively trying to turn her against you, or is she mad about your efforts to "get rid of" something she likes?

You are right to be cautious of someone who lives in your mother's house. You have her best interests at heart, which is more than we know about him. But, and this is a huge but, if she is considered legally competent she can make her own decisions, even foolish ones. Keep an eye on the situation, but try not to alienate your mother as you do so. Your relationship with her is probably more valuable than the room and board he is getting.

Some posters are suggesting you fire the guy and change the locks. I think they are assuming that you have more authority over the situation than you really do. POA gives you the authority to handle your mother's affairs at her direction. If she doesn't direct you to fire him, I'm afraid doing so will stir up even more ill-will. She could, you know, appoint him to be POA. Yikes!

I can see how uncomfortable this situation is for you, and I don't blame you. But I caution you to keep an eye on the situation but not to overstep your authority. If Mom is truly incompetent, consider guardianship. Otherwise, keep in mind that with luck you will be 93 some day -- how much interference will you want in your personal decisions?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Was this fellow hired as a caregiver or a companion? A companion is just that, someone who is there to keep the elderly person from being alone and lonely. They do not have to dress the person or do nursing-type duties. Who hired this guy, where did they find him, and what exactly are his duties? If you are there with your mother I would imagine you would be her companion so I'm not certain what he was hired for. Is he a relative? I suspect there's a lot more to this story that you haven't told us and we can't give informed advice without knowing exactly what's going on.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If your mom likes him, leave the situation alone. How much longer can it go on anyway? Stay away from state agencies or you may not like the outcome.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

How long has he been employed to care for her?
How long have you been living with her?
Who hired him?
What does he do during his working week?
What is his other job?
What are your mother's care needs, would you say?
Does your mother have capacity?

I realise that's a lot of questions and no answers. But from what you say, your mother enjoys this person's company, perhaps gets some reassurance from there being someone around to call on in an emergency, and altogether thinks he's worth the $20K + a year that she's spending on him. Sounds like plenty to me, for not much in return, but this is up to her if she is still in charge of her own life and her own house.

What kind of plan have you as a family made for her care as she becomes older and more frail? If there isn't one, perhaps you'd better approach her about it; but don't start from the premise that this man, whom she likes, has to go or you'll get nowhere. You may resent him but clearly she doesn't.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Next time you hire a caregiver, go through a PEO (it is like the caregiver is working for that company and you are the supervisor with no liability. The PEO is responsible for unemployment insurance, workers comp, taxes etc. You pay them a small amount for this service. In the meantime, see about having your mother declared incompetent. In GA it would be her doctor's opinion that would have the weight in this situation. The only thing I see wrong with the man who is your mother's caregiver is that he is double dipping. My mother's caregiver has an apartment in our house and we furnish all the food, cleaning products, paper goods etc. I feel very lucky to have her here. She is officially paid for 25 hours per week. Some times she works more, sometimes less She has a second job in which she works a 24 hour shift on one of her days off from us. We are flexible with each other as my job requires more time from her some weeks than others. It sounds like you might need to have an adult conversation with your mother's caregiver and find out what she requires of him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Are you your mom's POA? If so, fire this caregiver, change the locks, have his belongings delivered to his 9-5 job, and be done with him. I'm assuming there's no agency or work contract. I don't think the 30-day month to month lease applies here at all. Get rid of him. Next caregiver, be vigilant, have a stated list of their responsibilities, and no outside employment, no sleep over girlfriend (if that matters to your mom's safety). If mom needs 24/7 care you may need 3 caregivers plus a weekend crew. Probably easier to hire a caregiver manager who can supervise all this ( if you cannot).
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If you live with your mother, why is a caregiver living there too?

Do you think getting paid $400/ week is really "living like a king"?

Unless he is supposed to be there 24/7, the hours that he is not working are his own & he can do whatever he wants to do on those hours.

It sounds like this guy is not a "caregiver", but a companion. Those are 2 totally different things. If your mom can bathe herself, dress herself, etc., then he is probably there to keep her company.

Why don't you keep her company so that she wouldn't need to pay someone $400 for that?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.