How do I get my mom to agree to outside help so I can perhaps spend a night or weekend away from home?

Just do it.

Plan a weekend away. Arrange it with the neighbor who does care. On Thursday or Friday of that week tell Mom that you are going to be gone for the weekend and Gladys is going to be with her starting at 9 am on Saturday. You'll be back Sunday night. If she fusses, say "I told you I needed a break. I'll bet you'll be glad to have a little break from me, too. This is all arranged." She may get mad. She may cry. But you are going to have a break. Be firm and assured. This is just how it is going to be.

Once you have broken the ice by doing it once, you can consider making a regular arrangement with the neighbor. The third weekend of every month, for example.

You are lucky to have someone she knows and likes available for this task. Enjoy your respite!

Wat the above poster said-you have a good guy and both of you deserve to spend time together-I have a good relationship myself and know that does not happen too often and you need to tend to that relationship-if she gets mad she will get over it she is not a child.

Dear McWind -- The previously posted advice is excellent. And you may want to take a look at your basic relationship with your mother in view of the fact you think to ASK things when it may be more appropraite to TELL her.

Just do it!! You are probably never going to get her blessing. Short story - when I first moved in with my Mother almost 2 years ago it took me about 2 months to realize I had to get away once a month. I arranged it, put it on the calender, and told my mother numerous times when I would be gone. The day came and I left - had a wonderful relaxing time. When I returned home there was an angry message from my sister. Seems my Mother called her and complained about being "abandoned" by me even though I had carefully arranged for her to be taken care of. The next month came and my mother went to stay at my siblings for the night while I went on my respite. She exhibited the same behavior. Told my sister that I had "abandoned" her - she was at my sisters house at the time. Lucky thing is she forgets that I abandon her once a month - haha. I had to grow a pretty thick skin and stick up for myself because no one else is going to do it. Good luck - go away and enjoy yourself - and dump the guilt!!

You owe it to yourself to take breaks. You TELL your mother you are going away. She is controlling you as if you were still a child. If you are old enough to take care of her, you are old enough to make your own decisions. I tried to be nice about this very same thing with my mom and I finally had to come out and tell it how it was going to be. IMHO when you require someone else to help you, then You are going to have to give up some things. Your mom needs to ditch her control and let you take charge.

She doesn't get to agree. She gets to be informed that is is going to happen.
She will never agree, Been there, done that, seen the movie, bought the T-shirt. And she will be furious when you get back. Go anyway or you will burn out quicker.

Everyone has given you great advice and I also totally agree. YOU are the boss now. This is how its going to be. Have ready answers..."Sorry, you feel that way. OK what would you like for lunch." Change the subject and move on. Hope all goes well.

I have been inspired by this forum and especially by FedUpNow and am booking a 3 week trip out of the country. I am giving the sibs plenty of time to figure out arrangements for our 90 yo Mother because she is not coming with me! No one is coming with me. For 3 blessed weeks I will be taking care of no one but myself. I have never done this before and am very excited. Caregivers NEED time away, we also deserve it no matter what anyone says. Cannot wait to hear the stories when I get back about Mom. This will be their chance to cure her of all her ailments since they cannot understand why I am unable to do it.

How to get away from demanding parents? Feign your own death. Go swimming with sharks. Or do what I did: Book a 3 week trip to a third world country and don't tell anyone you are leaving or when you are returning. In my case, I went to India. I am not kidding. About 5 days into my trip, my husband found out where I had gone. He was shitfaced. But so was I that he stuck me with his mother when he knew we hated each other. Guess what?! Nobody dropped dead. I had a great time. I do this every so often when I can't stand another moment. Do not interrupt your trip. Even for a funeral. You will survive to do more caretaking. Let one person you know where you have gone in case of emergency. The emergency being that YOU need help in that foreign country, NOT that they can call you to complain.

Hats off to you Hadenough. It's like getting out of jail. Treat yourself to a massage, order your favorite dessert. Get one of those Lonely Planet Guides and pack lightly. One suitcase on wheels. !0 pairs of underwear and 10 white T-shirts (from the men's underwear department V neck) and 2 pairs of jeans, and a bathing suit. Take lots of pictures. Don't call home no matter what. Mail your postcards home in the airport as you have to come back so they get there after you do. Do NOT bother to write home to reassure anybody. Have a point person back home you can contact (preferably a best friend, no family members) who can be there is you lost a phone or passport or something. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. If you can think of anything I wouldn't do! When traveling solo, I took pictures of me standing next to statues. That made me ask people to take the photo which was a good icebreaker. Have a wonderful time. I'm proud of you.