How to discourage family from visiting?

Before your brother visits, ask your Mom to select items to be placed in boxes, taped and set in safe keeping... that way she could put a sticky note on each item saying whom shall receive the item... and you could tell her that doing it this way there won't be any mix-ups later on, as Grand-daughter A would be very sad if she didn't get such-such to remember her Grandmother.

And your Mom could even hand your brother his box now if he starts asking about things, tell him that Mom put together a box of wonderful items that she thought he would like to have.

As for your brother taking your Mom out, tell your brother that Mom feels more secure if you go along with her.

I wish to avoid a free-for-all. I never imagined mom would want to unload things before she dies. After she dies, I was planning on following her written list. Anything else sell in estate sale. And kids can shop the sale.

Maybe I need to tell the other 3 kids, hey, your brother (and his wife.....) are coming for a visit, and mom intends to start giving stuff away, So, if you had your eye on something, better call Mom before too late!

Ok I need to be there, when he is with mom, but get this--she wants to have him stay at her house! I don't get along with his wife very well. And I don't want to be cooking & cleaning for them as I would ordinarily do for mom. It would be so much easier if I knew I could trust them. But his wife has "admired" jewelry mom is wearing, or a set of china (mom used to have 3 sets....) and mom just gives it to her. I feel they should come to visit, and not be "admiring"things, let mom be the initiator if she wants to give stuff away--especially the more valuable items. I know for a fact that my 2 sisters are very upset that his wife has received jewelry items. The way the will is written, items only go to the kids--not the spouse's (unless one of the kids dies). The Trust is also set up this way and isn't the Trust in effect now (the Will is for later, but Trust is in effect now I think.).

Before brother shows up, you and mom box up stuff she wants to give him , make a list etc, and you gotta be around when he is there to supervise. Just control the situation.

Just make it clear to him that if he gets mom to change poa to him, you will be dropping her at his doorstep the next day. In my book, caregiver has poa. There are very few exceptions to this, in my book.

Since your mother wants him to visit, I think you should extend the invitation.

The real issue is not keeping him away, but keeping him from exploiting Mom. As DPOA you need to be involved in all legal transactions so make it clear that you will go along if they go to a lawyer or the bank, etc.

But if Mom is still competent to make her own decisions, she can change her will or insurance beneficiaries or give away cash. If she is competent, she can do what she wants with her possessions. Your presence may help her make reasonable decisions but you cannot really prevent her from doing what she wants with her estate.