I sure could use it right now. Stressed out from mom. Now it's supposed to snow again Tuesday. My husband is supposed to drive 40 minutes away in early morning. Something more to be stressed about.
when i used to look at my mom and try to visualize a shrinking and dying brain it gave me a tremendous capacity for patience and compassion . to look right in and see the failing diseased brain you had to momentarialy look past the current monkeyshines of the day and the bipolar cycles which generally arent easily ignored . my caregiving was 10% physical and 90% mental / emotional . it wasnt a smooth road for a guy about three fries short of a happy meal himself .
To be painfully honest, I used to drink, (sometimes too much) after I put Mom to bed. My RN told me you MUST take care of yourself in order to take care of your loved one. If there is any way to take a break and get some rest and alone time, pls do so. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of a loved one. I realize it's hard, but you have to make time, truly.
Staying positive is a difficult one for sure. I think living in the moment helps. You can't change the past and the future hasn't come yet. So try to make the moment you are living in the best it can be irregardless of your circumstances. Also remembering that a lot of the things we are worrying might happen never do so why give yourself undo stress thinking about it.
A positive attitude comes only when I take care of myself. Long-term stress and burnout destroy it. For me, I need to be spiritually fit (meditation, prayer, sharing with friends or support group, and therapy if need be), have emotional support, take my own meds and physically take care of myself. If I am hospitalized or die, I will be of no help!
Well, for me, knowing I will die is a good starting point. This won't last forever because eventually I will be dead and it will be over. On the other hand, since I know I won't live forever, I try to squeeze in a little fun whenever I can. Cheerful, huh?
Does your stress come from thinking you should be able to control the situation? You could do everything exactly "right" and your mother would still have dementia. You wish explaining things to her would help. Usually it doesn't. You try so hard to take away her unhappiness, and it won't go away.
“God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.” – Mother Teresa. This means that if you are doing what you can, then it has to be enough. Caregivers always feel guilt, because we can't solve the problems. Give yourself credit when you are faithful, persistent, present. Give yourself a break when you have to step back. No one can do it all.
Good luck, it's so hard to place a positive spin on anything when one's parent(s) can become so very stubborn. My parents were going to live in that house come heck or high water, and didn't want any outside help. Nope, nothing positive in that decision.
Then I tried to find a sense of humor with all that was going on... but the humor was found only weeks after the fact when I was able to share it with others who are/were dealing with their own elders.
I also get stressed about the snow, never use to, always loved it and couldn't wait to get out into it with my Jeep. Then I became scared silly with it because of doctor appointments, grocery shopping, errands, and having to use my parent's old Oldsmobile sedan which was NOT snow worthy as my Mom could not longer climb up into my vehicle. I would start hyperventilating the day before I had to drive them somewhere !! Nope, nothing positive here, folks.
I remember the snow when we lived in Arlington VA. The Chevy Malibu slid around and we lived up a steep hill. So we got the sled out and walked it to the store a couple of miles away. Great days but very worried about husband getting to work near the Pentagon in the pool car an old sedan like frequent flier mentioned. I also used to love the snow and skiing but not any more. It makes life too difficult. Here in the UK we have constant rain and gales trees down etc. This is winter I guess and I am thankful the roof is still there. Good luck to you all traveling in the snow and ice.
Does your stress come from thinking you should be able to control the situation? You could do everything exactly "right" and your mother would still have dementia. You wish explaining things to her would help. Usually it doesn't. You try so hard to take away her unhappiness, and it won't go away.
“God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.” – Mother Teresa. This means that if you are doing what you can, then it has to be enough. Caregivers always feel guilt, because we can't solve the problems. Give yourself credit when you are faithful, persistent, present. Give yourself a break when you have to step back. No one can do it all.
M88
Then I tried to find a sense of humor with all that was going on... but the humor was found only weeks after the fact when I was able to share it with others who are/were dealing with their own elders.
I also get stressed about the snow, never use to, always loved it and couldn't wait to get out into it with my Jeep. Then I became scared silly with it because of doctor appointments, grocery shopping, errands, and having to use my parent's old Oldsmobile sedan which was NOT snow worthy as my Mom could not longer climb up into my vehicle. I would start hyperventilating the day before I had to drive them somewhere !! Nope, nothing positive here, folks.
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