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I sure could use it right now. Stressed out from mom. Now it's supposed to snow again Tuesday. My husband is supposed to drive 40 minutes away in early morning. Something more to be stressed about.


Barbara

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Captain my hubby loves heavy metal. He watched "Live at Wacken" His sister was a groupie and used to date (I use the word date loosely) one of the members of Judas Priest. I've heard all that stuff. Lemmy, the Scorpions, Nazareth,Ironmaiden, and on it goes.

I prefer soft rock myself. I know that "Love grows where my Rosemary Goes" My sis used to play that song.
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lol Not your thing, huh? lol Well, it takes all kinds. I have a wide variety of tastes.

Zeppelin is my very favorite, (In the Evening and Ramble On are two of my favorites) but I do have a claim to fame with the Scorpions. I met the band as they were having dinner at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC many years ago. Their song Rock You Like A Hurricane is the theme song for the Carolina Hurricanes!
Nice guys.

I think that any music that you love can lift your spirits.
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that was so bad - tasteful that i had to kick on 2 hours of the scorpions to " fix " it .
my brain is that fragile . you got me going in a direction that could destroy me .
green day , screen door , whatever , it sucked ..
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horrible , too bluesey . i like metal ..
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ill go listen to the rem song because im that trusting . if it blows , youll be hearing back from me . ( shaking fist )
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I try not to be stressed out. I think I might be more successful if it wasn't for all the times that I get hit with bad news or some new complication in life every time that I think I'm getting a handle on things.

How come some people seem to sail thru and others have the opposite. lol I know. It just seems that way. Everyone hurts. Sometimes, I listen to that song Everybody Hurts by REM. We just hang on though, because we have to believe things will get better.

I find that listening to music can make me feel better. There are a lot of music videos out there that can help with stress and give encouragement. One song that always puts a smile on my face is Love Grows (Where my Rosemary goes) by Edison Lighthouse. It's on u tube.
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Captain we all know that there is a big heart beating underneath all your sharp edges.
Your son obviously knows that too.
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its all good tho . when mom died and i hooked up with edna i hung out and cared for her with a downright smug degree of confidence . i enjoyed wonderful relations with the medical establishment because i was experienced in a way that they only learned about in books . ive done a lot of crap in my life but caregiving has been the most rewarding ( and difficult ) . my youngest son told me last week that altho hes absorbed with his own life and family , hed knock the door down the moment i need him . i know that and have never doubted it .
what you tell your kids dont mean s*it , its what you show them that matters .
he hinted that hes not happy with the futility of paying rent . ill probably end up back in my bunker with the young family overhead like id envisioned 15 yrs ago when we were building the house . seeing 20 yrs into the future has its benefits but when you can do that , the world moves excruciatingly slow .
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French fries are really bad for you.
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Oh, and now I am POSITIVELY sure the vitamins are helpful.
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Who woulda thunk that getting my husband his vitamins would be an emergency?
Take a flying leap for all those who would not consider nutrition and vitamin therapy valuable for at least autism/aspergers, as well as other cognitive issues.

If I don't hurry out to get them, his comments, behavior, and lack of focus can get really dangerous. It is driving me crazy, but I can feel better that some benefits were derived from doing the right thing for him. Maybe I will get some too.
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Or a taco short of a combination plate! Ha!

M88
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Oh Cap don't sell yourself short, you're at least five fries short of a happy meal......come on!
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when i used to look at my mom and try to visualize a shrinking and dying brain it gave me a tremendous capacity for patience and compassion . to look right in and see the failing diseased brain you had to momentarialy look past the current monkeyshines of the day and the bipolar cycles which generally arent easily ignored . my caregiving was 10% physical and 90% mental / emotional . it wasnt a smooth road for a guy about three fries short of a happy meal himself .
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Well, for me, knowing I will die is a good starting point. This won't last forever because eventually I will be dead and it will be over. On the other hand, since I know I won't live forever, I try to squeeze in a little fun whenever I can. Cheerful, huh?

Does your stress come from thinking you should be able to control the situation? You could do everything exactly "right" and your mother would still have dementia. You wish explaining things to her would help. Usually it doesn't. You try so hard to take away her unhappiness, and it won't go away.

“God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.” – Mother Teresa. This means that if you are doing what you can, then it has to be enough. Caregivers always feel guilt, because we can't solve the problems. Give yourself credit when you are faithful, persistent, present. Give yourself a break when you have to step back. No one can do it all.
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Cognitive therapy can help.(Self-help books if one is willing.)
Take an issue, write it down. Think of all the ways one could look at the problem.

For example: "It's going to snow Tuesday" Such a good thing because I won't have to take Mom to any doctor's appointments!
Husband can take a snow day off and won't have to drive-he can stay home-we can have hot chocolate and watch a comedy.

Final outcome: He massaged my feet, then I massaged his. Mom was so sleepy from the hot chocolate, she slept for hours.

Hadnuff-I was not there, how could I tell what was going to happen?
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I'm sure you've tried embracing the madness and deluding yourself into believing you deserve and belong in the H*ll that your home turns into every now and then.

If you have time, drop by a bookstore and pick up Sherry Argov's "Why Men Marry B**ches." It's a total scream. Read it on the bus, subway, at the doctor's office. Guaranteed to draw the attention of men and women also looking for a good laugh and a little sunshine.
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Staying positive is a difficult one for sure. I think living in the moment helps. You can't change the past and the future hasn't come yet. So try to make the moment you are living in the best it can be irregardless of your circumstances. Also remembering that a lot of the things we are worrying might happen never do so why give yourself undo stress thinking about it.
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Read nobel, do exercise daily to keep yourself calm.
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I want to avoid stress but its darn difficult! I must go to the carers group and meditate. I have had a glass of wine the last two nights and will finish the bottle this week! It is a decent wine though!
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A positive attitude comes only when I take care of myself. Long-term stress and burnout destroy it. For me, I need to be spiritually fit (meditation, prayer, sharing with friends or support group, and therapy if need be), have emotional support, take my own meds and physically take care of myself. If I am hospitalized or die, I will be of no help!
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I remember the snow when we lived in Arlington VA. The Chevy Malibu slid around and we lived up a steep hill. So we got the sled out and walked it to the store a couple of miles away. Great days but very worried about husband getting to work near the Pentagon in the pool car an old sedan like frequent flier mentioned. I also used to love the snow and skiing but not any more. It makes life too difficult. Here in the UK we have constant rain and gales trees down etc. This is winter I guess and I am thankful the roof is still there. Good luck to you all traveling in the snow and ice.
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To be painfully honest, I used to drink, (sometimes too much) after I put Mom to bed. My RN told me you MUST take care of yourself in order to take care of your loved one. If there is any way to take a break and get some rest and alone time, pls do so. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of a loved one. I realize it's hard, but you have to make time, truly.
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Give mom an Irish coffee and lunch so she has a nice nap. Maybe one for yourself too.
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Good luck, it's so hard to place a positive spin on anything when one's parent(s) can become so very stubborn. My parents were going to live in that house come heck or high water, and didn't want any outside help. Nope, nothing positive in that decision.

Then I tried to find a sense of humor with all that was going on... but the humor was found only weeks after the fact when I was able to share it with others who are/were dealing with their own elders.

I also get stressed about the snow, never use to, always loved it and couldn't wait to get out into it with my Jeep. Then I became scared silly with it because of doctor appointments, grocery shopping, errands, and having to use my parent's old Oldsmobile sedan which was NOT snow worthy as my Mom could not longer climb up into my vehicle. I would start hyperventilating the day before I had to drive them somewhere !! Nope, nothing positive here, folks.
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