How to deal with the holidays as a caregiver?

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holidays and dementia?
holidays and caregiving?

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Not to put a damper on things Friesen but my mother and I don't share a religion - in fact i don't consider myself to have one - that said I love carols especially oh Holy night. I don't go to church and wont go into church with Mum although I do take her there or make sure someone else takes her (it's just not my thing and would be quite frankly hypocritical). It's my one and a half hours of freedom a week - sorry I cherish it as it is the one time I can get into Mums room to clean it thoroughly.

I think I am a good citizen, and underneath all the bitterness a good person inside and for me that is enough. I stand up for what is right. I don't tolerate fools, liars or bigots and I have a wonderful family. I can't ask for more.
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What I would really love is if he would say that he was coming to pick Mom up and he would take her somewhere. I would have to check h*ll that day, though, to make sure it didn't freeze over. :-)
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VJ, after the first 10-20 messages in a thread, they do tend to become conversational. I think this is fine, since it is just caregivers talking. Many of us don't have anyone to talk to at home, so this is a good place to touch base with other people.
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Well I am going to put up a Christmas tree - a real one
I am going to decorate it and put lights on it
I am going to wrap presents and place them under the tree
I am going to put Christmas decorations up everywhere
I am going to cook and bake and do all the wonderful things
I am going to go to the carol service
I am LYING
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Jude, well written, and good points. The desire for religious freedoms that inspired people to emigrate to America, and well as fight for those freedoms in England and elsewhere, should be respected but not abused.

Not everyone needs religion, and that also needs to be respected.

I feel strongly that preaching religion shouldn't be a part of any nondenominational forum.
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How you handle the holidays depends on your unique situation and expectations.
If the whole clan usually got together at your place and you think that is what you HAVE to do you will be in misery, if everyone is flexible you can plan get togethers around pot luck or take out meals and pick any day or time that works for you, or insist on short visits and forego the feast altogether.
I've gotten used to spending Christmas alone with my mom, its just another day.
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When the holidays are near, I start to plan my donation to the community toy drive. A local networking group holds a Holiday lunch so I always make plans to go. By focusing on these events, fit helps get me through the season. There are so many things that need to be done (at this time of year) it makes sense to consider helping out.
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I double your BAH HUMBUG windy...

Soup bones for the dogs, Papa Murphy's take n bake (love at 425) for me...

I too was used to Christmas/Thanksgiving/hell pick a day, alone with my mother, now I'm just alone so, guess nothing new

Maybe one day life will be different...

Just do what makes you and your loved one happy, for now, that is all that matters.
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With less enthusiasm than ever. But still, I try to minimize my "blech" when talking to others. The world will do just fine without a steady stream of The Truth According To Me. When I find myself veering toward grumpiness, I try to hone in on the individual elements that never let me down: fresh cranberries, pumpkin pie, pine scent, holiday displays and lights, giant public Christmas trees, access to yummy baked goods. I also make an extra effort not to be Scrooge-tastic at home with my dear partner. It's not his fault that I burned myself out working retail for decades and our relatives are so challenging. So I try to pick and choose my rants. (The upside is that he's no Pollyanna, either. Sooner or later, he'll pop out with some miserable thing that I was already thinking! Then we have a good laugh and get back to life as we know it.)
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"Insignificant work horse." Uffff. That phrase hit home. I work full-time Mon-Fri + long crappy commute. Saturdays and Sundays are IT for me. Last December, I spent the last 2 Saturdays before Christmas at mom's house -- writing and addressing her Christmas cards (because she can't write.) She thanked me......but never once asked me if/when I was getting my Christmas cards out, getting my shopping/decorating/baking done, etc. Wow. That's not the mom I used to know. I have no idea if her outsized self-centeredness is controllable, or if that circuit in her brain is irreparably broken. Either way, this holiday season -- to the extent that I am able -- my household comes first. I will give mom ample (and kindly-worded) warning, so she can be resourceful. Or she can be a martyr. Her choice. As Windyridge says, I need to turn off my "give a damn."
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