My mom is usually resistant to bathing, washing etc. She stopped any willingness to shower recently, or hair washing. I watched a video on making it a spa experience - real life is different then movies. My mom doesn’t fall for how good the soaps smell. Changing disposables is a daily struggle. I can’t stand the idea of her sitting in dirty disposables. Cleaning up messes is what it is. Despite learning and growing always, I fail as I get anxious. My mom swears at me. She calls me names. I know it is the dementia. I have part time caregivers and she recently called one a name of being fat. She has also started to spit in defiance. When I say we need to clean up for hygiene, she has started a “who cares if I die or go to hospital” response. I really try hard. Anyhow, the swearing is really upsetting. Thanks.
Dementia is a horrible affliction which causes pain, anxiety and misery for all who are unfortunate enough to be afflicted with it or worse yet, have to deal with it on a daily basis. Just because a person has no control over what comes out of their mouth doesn't make the toxic verbiage any less toxic or easier to listen to, does it? I can tell myself 10000x that I won't get annoyed or upset with what my mother says to me, and 75% of the time I DO get annoyed or upset ANYWAY. I'm human, and as such, subject to feeling emotions. No way around it, I'm afraid.
The only way to cope with in-home care for a parent suffering with advanced dementia is to get lots of care givers coming in to help you on a regular basis. Cut down your exposure to her as much as possible, or, limit it. As her dementia progresses even further, you may want to start looking into Memory Care Assisted Living residences which specialize in dealing with these behaviors, ALL of them. There are teams of caregivers there 24/7 to deal with whatever issues arise, day or night. My mother lives in such a Memory Care ALF that has 23 other residents and it's been a life saver for both of us, I can tell you that.
Don't listen to anyone who tries to minimize your frustrations, or suggest that you're being silly for feeling emotionally distraught by what you're witnessing. Being a paid care giver or a nurse or a doctor to dementia patients is not the same as being the daughter or son of a dementia patient and caring for them in home 24/7, not at all.
Try watching some Teepa Snow videos; she has some great tips about bathing dementia patients and great advice to impart in general.
Good luck!
I'm so sorry for what you both are going through. I had so many stroke patients who never swore once in their lives and then could swear like anything after the stroke. It could be very upsetting to some patients.
For me it would matter not a whit in the middle of all the other sadness of this.
I feel for your frustration, but I think you have to pick your battles, especially with someone who has dementia. I had to learn that the hard way, long ago. Maybe it's time to be looking for a facility to place mom in, and let the professionals deal with her. That would certainly relieve a lot of your frustrations. Wishing you the best.