How to deal with selling your childhood house when wife is against it?

I could completely understand your wife’s resistance if this were HER childhood home.
If her name is not on the deed then in reality she has no say in what you do with the house.
Also if it was left to you, she has little to say in what happens to it.
I think if she sat down with a realtor and understood what is involved with being a landlord and the risks involved she would see that selling is the best option.
Please make sure that the sale that you have lined up is Fair Market Value.
Obviously your other option is to sell your other house and move into your childhood home and renovate if you wish.
If you are taking votes…put me in the sell the older, outdated house column

I would sell the house. It takes a certain amount of fortitude to rent. If the house is dated there likely will be issues and a tenant may want items replaced. I think that would be a headache for you. I know you may have fond memories but selling would give you freedom.

I an sorry your wife is not being supportive. It really is your decision. I hope this does not drive a wedge between the two of you. Your post really shows you want to sell and if you have an interested buyer that is fortunate for you. Good luck with what happens.

Your wife seems to viewing the house through a lens of memories, fondness & emotion.

I am not suggesting you are looking via a cold-hearted business mind - no, no. Just that you can separate the emotional loss of your childhood home from the actual building that stands before you.

Would your wife be open to a kindly suggestion for some counselling around this issue? To me it sounds like she may need a little help with this emotional adjustment - and that's OK!

If not, would taking photos of items help? Making a memory book? Selecting only say 6 objects that truly bring the best memories? Kind of KonMari style.. keep a few, thank the rest & let them go. Sounds silly but I fully intend to thank this house when I move. I have many fond memories of things that happened here within these walls - but they will live on in my mind, I don't need to keep the actual walls.

I agree with selling. It'd be a HUGE hassle to fix the house up and then another hassle dealing with renters. Sometimes you're lucky, sometimes you're not.

Tell her you're sorry but you really want to sell and just be done with it. Ask her what will make this easier for her. She might not know but show an interest in her feelings about this. But go ahead and sell!

This is YOUR parents home, not your wife's parents home. You say she took care of your dad for "a few days at the end" so where is this huge attachment to the house and the belongings coming from, I don't get it? Normally it would be YOU not wanting to sell and HER pushing you to, but this situation is reversed. Hanging onto a dated old home is a black hole of expenses and a drain on your savings which affects your wife's finances as well as yours. If she's depressed and that depression is coming out in the form of wanting to hold onto the memories this house holds, then she needs to see her doctor to talk about anti depressants. If that's not the issue, then make an appointment with your financial advisor so he or she can explain the advantages of selling this home to your wife. Expanding your investment portfolio now will secure the financial future for both of you and is the wisest idea of all. Perhaps if a financial person explains that to her she can wrap her mind around selling the house and getting past whatever is blocking her from agreeing to it.

I am an only child too so it was hard for me to donate my father's clothes after he died. I saved quite a lot of them and my step daughter took 6 or 7 shirts home with her when she was here visiting, unbeknownst to me. She had stuffed animals made with dad's shirts in patches and sent them to me! An elephant, a bear and a dog. Once I had those mementos of dad, I was able to donate the rest of his clothing without a problem. Maybe you can do something similar with your parents clothes to keep their memory alive thru pieces of their clothing you fondly remember them wearing.

Wishing you the best of luck

I would encourage her to think about it like this.

Tenants have rights and they are favored by the courts. So even though you own the house, you can not just kick them out, no matter what they are doing or not doing, like paying rent. Thousands of landlords are scrambling to make ends meet right now because they couldn't evict anyone for any reason, yet all of their expenses continued. It takes months to get someone out, at your expense.

Everything that breaks or needs maintenance is at your expense. The law governs how quickly it needs to be dealt with.

You still need to carry fire insurance and pay property taxes. So that comes right off the top of rent received. Along with all maintenance and repair.

Some tenants gripe about everything, anything and nothing.

An outdated house may not get quality renters, so you will be dealing with issues all the time. Neighbors being angry because of what your tenants are doing will be calling you as the owner.

Renters that get evicted tend to tear the place up and it takes time and money to get it rentable again.

We had a house that was in a gated community, high rent district and the people let their animals use the brand new carpet as a toilet. Fortunately, we had required pet insurance and a huge deposit but, we couldn't rent the house until all the carpet was replaced. It was 2 months with no tenants, which meant a vacant property insurance rider that cost hundreds monthly. Not even mentioning that they were constantly violating the HOA rules and we were notified as the owners.

Oh, we bought this house and the prior renters had stolen everything that wasn't part of the structure, right down to the light switch covers, door knobs, carpet, padding, bathtub fixtures, toilets, counters, cabinets and everything else. No recourse for the prior owners, so they sold, they couldn't afford the 60k to replace everything that had been stolen.

Tell her from me, you don't have any idea what a burr in your butt is until you have been a landlord and it has to be a money maker to make it worth the trouble and one outdated house is not a money maker. We were happy campers when we were able to sell that place.

There are easier ways to increase your monthly income.

In case it comes to it. Inheritance is NOT community property, unless you place the money in a joint account. From a legal stand, she doesn't actually have any say because it is your sole and separate property.

You do not want to rent. Renters do not take care of property they are renting. You can't request no children, against the law. If you say no animals, they still sneak them in. You have to paint and change carpeting every so many years. Every time you rent to new tenants, you need a CEO from the Township. If thousands of dollars worth of damages have been done, that comes out of your pocket. Then there are people that don't pay rent and you have to go thru the court to evict them which costs you time and money. You may want to go to your County housing board and see what you need to do to rent. Laws concerning landlords and tenant rights. You may be responsible for more than you think. You have rights but sometimes the renter has more. In the long run, you may see no profit.

Right now you have someone willing to buy it as is. Get an assessor in there to see what it is worth "as is". Then sell it . I, personally, would not take this on.

You just gave your wife credit, and you have done, so that's great, but this decision is YOURS. A rental, esp one in bad repair is for me a nightmare of a thought, and I would be selling. This is your decision. You will have to thank all for their input and make it on your own. I think it is a good time for buyers now with interests rates as low as they perhaps will be for many years. Things in general are selling well. So that would be my decision, but I am "of an age" and don't want to mess with all the problems of bad rentals or bad septic. This is a decision only YOU can make and only you SHOULD make.

We're in the process of selling the home we've lived in for 43 years, the one in which we raised 5 kids and have such wonderful memories. I have moments when I have to stop and have a little 'cry' b/c in my heart I know we're doing the right thing and everything that has happened towards the 'new move' has fallen in to place so smoothly--we actually got the 'new house' for $150K less than they were initially asking--we're buying a 3200 sf home when we are empty nesters when the house we raised the kids in was under 1800 sf. I don't have enough furniture to put in this place--so I think it will be pretty spare.

There was minimal talk of renting our current home, and loving our neighbors as we do--it was not even an issue. Renters will ruin a house in a hot minute. We're selling to our nephew and his wife. A new young family!

Letting emotions run the deal is a very bad idea. This is not your wife's home, it was yours. It's actually sweet that she cares so much, means she has good memories and that is wonderful. When my MIL dies, I probably won't ever go back into that house.

Change is hard, and the older we get, the harder it is. I am really struggling with a resurgence of the depression/anxiety than has dogged me for years. Everyday is a challenge.

Some people are OK with being landlords--my daughter is one, so is my nephew...and they have a VERY high tolerance for their renters and the ensuing problems. My sister has had 3 suicides in her places (they're basically slums) and that adds a whole other level of drama. I couldn't bear it.

I have flower bulbs that came from MY grandmother's yard and after they bloom in Spring, I will dig them up to plant at my new house. I'm not overly sentimental, but these mean a lot to me.

Don't do a ton of work on the house--our new one only has to be 'broom clean' and we are actually NOT allowed to do any touch up painting or anything besides deep cleaning.

Good Luck--my heart feels for you.

I assume you inherited the house. That means it's yours and is not community property. Your wife gets zero say in your decision.

I would also keep the money from the sale in a separate account in your name only. Once you co-mingle community property and inheritances, it all becomes community property.

My brother and I have recently inherited my parents' house and we plan to sell it. My husband, who has decided he's now a real estate mogul is disgusted that we aren't keeping it and renting it for $7k/month. Mind you, it's a 90-year-old house with one electric socket per room, a kitchen last updated in 1969, and two broken chimneys that were damaged and remain unrepaired since an earthquake in 1988.

No one in their right mind would pay $7,000 per month to rent it, and we're not interested in being landlords nor spending around $300,000 to fix it up. Fortunately, my husband can rant and rave all he wants -- he does not own the house, nor does he get a say. Neither does your wife.

The focus of you plans should be strictly business, without any interference from emotions. Try to convince your wife that emotions and business do not mix. If needed, you may consult a financial advisor or accountant for advice. You have to get moving forward, do not get stuck in the past.

You do what you think is best. It's really not her call. When it's time for her family, let her make her own decision as well. I feel that she is still in grieving mode and maybe it's too soon for her to adjust? Is the buyer willing to wait a few months to purchase to give your wife time to adjust? Perhaps promise her( and follow through) with a trip on vacation or something you know she will enjoy. Or...if she's wanting to update your current home, take some proceeds and fix the place up. Perhaps she needs a new wardrobe with massage, beauty parlor, pedi/manicure or a better running car. Let her decide when you tell her you want to do something for her because she did help with your dad, but you can't keep the house. You can still put most of the proceeds into retirement savings. Give her something that she will enjoy. Perhaps that will change her mind?

I’ll hope you don’t get mired down by the past. I’ve done the home clean out and selling, and while I know it’s an individual experience, I really found that dragging it out and hanging on to many things only made it worse. It’s the people you miss and surrounding yourself with their stuff doesn’t heal the wound. It’s actually been nice to see my parent's home with a new owner in it. It’s all lit up and decorated for Christmas and that brings me a smile. I hope you can find the same

I helped my parents sell their home to pay for their Assisted Living. The home was in need of so much work, it was rather sad to see the state in which they were living. It would have cost at least 150,000 to get that house ready for renters. Money that would never be recouped. It sounds like you have put some thought into what you want to do. I would make sure the offer you are getting is reasonable. The hubs and I contacted a very experienced realtor and he helped my parents get top dollar for that sad house.
Family members wanted to buy the house for about 30 seconds until I said, " I am here to help my parents. You'll have to pay market price. It's not negotiable."

This is your childhood home and you make the decisions. Follow your instincts that it is a business decision. Maci CT has given you good advice on investing the long term.

I think it's your childhood home and your decision. Just tell your wife that you appreciate her thoughts on the matter, but emotionally and financially it would sit better with you to sell the home and that's the plan.

Make sure you get the home appraised before you sell the home to the interested party.

Have a joint meeting with a astute real estate agent and discuss the pros and cons of renting, liability and benefits of getting out from under a home that needs work. Your wife will come around. I’ve been a renter…not an easy job, depending on which state you are in California is rental hell. I would never, ever do it again.

Sorry for your loss and struggles. Ultimately the decision is yours of course but here’s a thought. Real property is the most enduring, valuable asset there is. It’s the basis of wealth in this country. I know it’s your family home but it’s also an investment, especially if it’s paid for. If you are going to sell it, you should think about taking a small equity loan out on it to update it. You will definitely be losing out on a lot of money if you sell it outdated. Now is still a very good market for selling houses. You might get double or triple what you invested on fixing it up before you sell. Do the research on the area where the house is located. Get a realtor if you don’t know the market.

Keeping the house is a viable plan if your market research says rentals in that area are going for a lot. If you use the equity loan to fix and rent it, that could be the best investment ever. People always need a place to live but the stock market is fickle. Ask yourself whether your monthly return on the purchase of stocks would be more than your return on a rental. Also, which one has the greater risk of loss? In many places, people pay more in rent than it would cost to pay a mortgage and taxes and insurance. If you are renting yourself, you might move in to the house and fix it up and save your rent money. If you own, you might rent your house and move into your parents for a year or so and fix it up.

For a relatively small fee you can hire a management company to deal with the tenants so you don’t have to. Owning rental property gives you additional tax deductions and it’s an asset you can borrow against in the future if you need to, possibly even to buy another house.

I know it’s a hard decision but you are young and you need to think about your financial future. Your wife has a valid point and you should seriously investigate your options before you rush to sell. You might regret it later. Best wishes.

Being a Landlord is a Pain in the ass and if the House Isn't close by even worse. Sell It . Buy a condo or something in Florida Thats Low maintenance. I sold a couple Places and feel Immense relief . Fixing Broken sewer pipes , replacing a roof , Renovations , rebuilding a Porch and Patio , new water heaters , dryers, etc. it is never ending . Either invest or Buy a small property for retirement . Plus you never Know what you are going to get with tenants - its really not worth the Hassle . Your taking care of even More people . Give yourself a break and let go . I Lost my Mother and brother in one year . Then I had to renovate 2 properties and get tenants . Even though they were screened thru a realtor it turned into a fiasco . I was burnt Out from taking care of My mother and brother alone and Now I had 3 tenants to take care of . not worth the Money or aggravation .

I think its very kind and considerate to take your wifes opinion and thoughts on the matter into consideration. Then as the man of house make the best financial decision for the family and it sounds like you have. We dont take material things with us when we die and memories live on in our hearts. Best of luck.

My husband and I have owned multiple rentals. Unless you live near the property, managing maintenance, repairs and the renters can be very stressful. Trust me, a house that age is going to need repairs in addition to general maintenance. Your wife probably sees renting the property as a way to generate silent income. Trust me, it won’t be silent. I would definitely sell it in today’s market. I think it’s thoughtful that you are considering your wife’s opinion. However, heating and air conditioners can go out at the most inconvenient times for the owners. The maintenance in between leases/renters can also become costly even if you require a large deposit. Again, property management from a distance is not a piece of cake, unless you pay a local company to manage it for you and again, that’s an added cost. Best of everything to you!

Rental income makes more money than anything else.
I say you should give your wife her share if what would need to be done to rent it out and go for it, use it as a rental and if it doesn't work out, you can always sell it.

Realestate is about the best investment you can make.

You can also do a little fixing up a little at a time.

Once you rent it is no longer your childhood home, when you enter for repairs or to meet with tenants, it will seem a travesty to your memories. Your decision to sell seems very well thought out and realistic - just make sure the price you accept is a comparable one for today's market.
When I cleaned out my parents apartment, I intentionally tried to to donate or give away most of their things. It made me feel good that I was re-purposing their "stuff" and clothing. I kept many things for myself too - but in the end, it's not the stuff but the memories that are always in your heart and life does go on.
My condolences and warmest wishes for a positive outcome.

American laws views inheritance separately from marital property (as long as you never “comingle” any funds you inherit, you can maintain this distinction).

Accordingly, decisions regarding your inheritance should be yours alone. You need not consult your wife or evaluate the quality of any unsolicited advice she forces on you.

She may think she knows how you feel, or how she believes you feel, but only you know how you feel

The correct answer is not just based on financials, you may want to separate from this past chapter emotionally, in order to achieve your best future.

Do what YOU want and don’t accept anyone else’s input (including advice from strangers on this forum).

That way, in the end, you will only have yourself to thank (or blame) for the decision.

It is a personal decision BUT Once my parents left the home, it just became another building. I rented it for a short time and it was a bother. Keep the memories but sell the building.

I had to do that for my parent's house in a lovely part of New Hampshire. It was so full of memories, but I knew I wouldn't be the one to live there, and as in your case, it didn't make financial sense to keep it. I ended up getting a storage space to store my father's life work as a photographer until I could find a place that would take the collection for a photo archive. My mother is still alive and now lives in a memory care residence closer to me. I took care of the personal things in the house, keeping the last year of statements from their financial accounts, bills, etc. so that I would have a record of their finances. My mother was able to sell some items in a few yard sales and with a place that sold her items on ebay. Oddly, some of my mother's old magazines turned out to be more valuable than I would have guessed. The basic rule is to make piles (keep, sell, donate, throw out). If you think there are valuables, you can get an estate auction place to come in and do an assesment. The real estate broker helped us with disposing of the big stuff, getting a dumpster and people to get the house ready for sale. There are companies that specialize in downsizing, if you want to hire some help. You should ask your real estate broker what would be good to leave in the house for staging. I'd assume that anything like appliances (kitchen and laundry), even if they are not new might be good to leave, unless they look terrible. We also left a large work table and tools that were in the basement. After you empty it out, it might be good to get cleaners to come in and do a thorough cleaning. Sometimes it's easier if you can get a friend to help you, or someone who is not emotionally tied up with memories. The real estate broker can also advise if there is anything that should be repaired before you sell; we had to repair a couple of things as part of the selling contract. Your wife's grieving will be different from yours, and she may not be able to help. All the best to you both.

I sold my parents. I would have liked to move to that area, eventually. It has more than doubled in value. But I am not sure renting it for a number of years would not have been a headache. Probably a toss up financially. Not so, if we had moved there immediately.

I can relate. It is very hard. My parents rented out my great grandmother's house and the people stopped paying the rent on purpose. After many headaches, parents sold it. I have my memories which are way better than driving past it. It's not in bad shape, but it is sad, so I don't do it.
Perhaps that house is someone's dream house waiting for a renewal.
Did you know you can get purple heart to come pick up the donated items? If you have a lot, you can call them and they will have a truck and more people will come to load it.
I know it is so hard to deal with. But you are stronger than you know. There are businesses that will come help you clean it out. Not just take it to the dump, but help you sort and do what you want with the items.
My parents were hoarders in the end, so luckily I found a company that helped me. You must be there and supervise. Don't let them go off and work on separate rooms.
I have a sublingual that refused to help at all but wants to control and block everything.
I am really sorry your wife is shutting down. That is not helpful at all. Id have a coming to jesus moment with her, that is not being a good partner. It is so stressful and you need help. It is overwhelming for you not her. I'd remind her of that. But I'd hire help if you can. It will go so much faster that way. Or have a company come in and auction it. Altho I had 2 very bad experiences with that. I didn't go that way, and they are greedy. You can put some items for sale on Facebook marketplace, and offer up. Sold quite a few items on there.
Do not have them meet you at parent's house. I had better luck having them meeting me at entrance to my development. That way if they don't show, you didn't waste an hour loading, driving it to a public place. I had a lot of no shows when I'd meet at public place.
I know there was some days I didn't want to get out of bed. I still don't some days. I went and got Sam- e and that helped a lot.
Kenchanting on here and venting. I feel your pain.

Gold luck.

I have rented several homes for various reasons. My experience is that the more you value a home for sentimental reasons the less you should be interested in renting it. Nobody will see the house as you do, nobody will care for it as you would like to have it cared for. Take a lot of photos, clean it up and stage it for the sale, take more photos. Then sell it. Get input from some good realtors/brokers, put a good price on it and sell it quickly. Be willing to take less than YOU think it is worth because it will be worth much more to you than to anybody else. Then never drive past the house again. The new owners will make changes and some of them will make you sad. Preserve the memories of the house and your life in it, but let the house go. It is part of your past.

Caring for a rental property is a big responsibility and costs more than you think and nets you less than you thought it would. Renters rights are on the rise, landlord rights are on the decline. Getting rid of unwanted tenants is very difficult and very expensive. You do not want that headache. Sell it to somebody who has no emotional stake in the property. They will deal with it better than you could. Every time I have rented out a home I have ended up promising myself that I will never do it again.

DarkMatter, arm up, only child here. One way to deal with this is to make up a chart showing how much money you would make if selling the house now [as is] and the possibility of what your net worth would be putting said funds into stocks.

Now, do a chart showing how much money you would make [if any] if the house was kept as an "investment" and having tenants. Being a landlord is like having a business. There are profit and losses. Real estate market has it highs and lows, just like the stock market.

For myself, back decades ago I had excellent tenants for my properties, I went through a Realtor. The tenants were vetted, etc. I even allowed pets. As part of their rent, I paid for lawn service.

If your wife wants the house as a rental, is she willing to do the spreadsheets for income and expenses? I hired a CPA to do my income taxes, as it was complex. Is your wife willing to field the calls from the tenants, this is not a 9 to 5 M-F job.

Is she willing to go over to the house to fix things? Ready to wheel and deal for new items the house will need? Does she know any good roofers? Plumbers? Electricians? Is she willing to pay real estate taxes, higher homeowner's insurance/umbrella policy? Purchase new carpet between tenants? Understand in the Lease regarding "normal wear and tear".

Let us know what happens.