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Yesterday, mo mom decided she wanted to go to the beauty shop and get her hair cut. My dad and I had a horrible time getting her out of the house to go, a lot of crying and I can't go down the outside steps (we tried to put a ramp in, last year, but they wouldn't have it). Then she was crying, back the car up to the door, so no one can see me trying to get in the car, then it was I can't get in the car, it's too hard, I drive an SUV and have a stool for her to get in. We get down the road a bit with her crying and complaining, she decides she can't make it to the beauty shop, but she wants to go grocery shopping. In the meantime, I had told her that my son has a friend that would come to the house and do her hair, she started crying again, you guys talk about us and just want to put us in a nursing home, I did not answer her, no point in it.


Before we got to the grocery store, my daughter called and asked if we wanted to go out to lunch, she had a friend visiting from out of town that we hadn't seen in awhile. I said sure, lunch seemed to calm her down a bit, and she actually paid for everyone's lunch which is unusual for her, we never did make it to the store, she was to tired after that.


My mom has copd and is on oxygen 24/7, plus a lot of other health issues, she will not follow any dr orders, do therapy to help her move around better, mostly she makes dr apts then cancels them.


My dad has prostate cancer, with a Gleason score of 8, and I can see him getting more frail. They have almost an acre of land and will not hire anyone to help with the yard work, they will not hire anyone to help with the inside work, mostly it's just me and 2 of my kids that help. It is hard for my kids to help, they work long hours and have their own homes to take care of.


But on the other hand, I was told yesterday, that they hired some person, that they found on google to put new doors on their house. I tried to look this person up, but I could not find them anywhere, I can't be there when this person is supposed to come, I am at a loss on what to do


Sorry for the long post, doing a lot of venting, but I am at a loss on what to do, I really think my mom is starting with dementia, and my dad is saying I am not going to live much longer, and I am staying in my house, which is ok if they would agree to someone coming in to help



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My mom did that one too, telling on me to my brother when I didn't act with her the way she thought I should. Fortunately my brother and I get along and could laugh with each other. She doesn't remember my brother now, so she has no one to turn me in to. It's hard to reverse rolls. She and my sister were the rocks for the family for so very long, but Mom a little bit manipulative as well. No one in the family would have thought I would become the final rock. She is doing great in assisted living, just doesn't know who anyone there is. Today, my grandson - her great, took photo portraits of her for his journalism class in her assisted living room. She did such a good job pretending to know him. Maybe she actually did!
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Cindy1123 Oct 2019
My mom likes to tell my kids, what she thinks I have done wrong also, the only thing is, my son believes what she tells him. The other day he told me, I aggravate her, she behaves different around my son, he wears a halo. My daughter, sees the tantrums, and has them directed at her also. I can't decide if she knows what she doing, and is doing this on purpose or not.
She was always manipulative, talks bad about everyone, and has driven people away. My oldest daughter won't have anything to do with her, my sister won't call her, something happened when her sister passed away, my cousins refused to talk to her at the funeral, and won't call her. I haven't asked my cousins what she said or did, maybe it's better I do not know.
I can laugh with my one daughter on what she does, but my son I can't. Good luck with your mom
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ArtistDaughter is exactly right............you've got to tell the folks that you and your children can and will NO LONGER be doing the work in and on their home and grounds. Period. It's time to either bring in care givers for them or to sell the property and get both of them placed in Assisted Living. Furthermore, if mother is going to kick up such a fuss and commotion with outings, those will have to be canceled as well. It sounds like your mother needs some anti anxiety medication and/or anti depressants to help with her mood swings and emotional outbursts, frankly. My 92 y/o mother is similar with her erratic mood swings and constant case of the blues & the blahs. Crying and carrying on about everything & anything gets old after a while too, doesn't it? But I do notice that food ALWAYS calms her down as well..........she has the appetite of a football player in training. In Assisted Living, your mother can eat to her heart's content AND have her hair done in the community, without having to get in cars or climb any stairs. If she's going down the dementia road, AL is the best bet, especially if there is also a Memory Care section in the community for later on. I started both my folks off in AL, then dad passed away, and I eventually placed mother in Memory Care this past May, which is working out just fine. Something for you to consider.

Best of luck to you as you navigate this difficult territory with your folks.
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Cindy1123 Oct 2019
Both of you are right, it is getting to be too much. I am the only one that takes my mom anywhere, my dad does still drive, but he will not take her anywhere.
Yes, the crying and whining does get to be to much, she seems to only do it around me. I try not to let it get to me but sometimes I snap.
She has been prescribed anxiety meds and anti depressants. She refuses to take them, she is also very manipulative, right now my son is a little upset with me, I don't know what she told him.
Good luck with your mom, it will be awhile before I can get them anywhere,so I have to keep going with this trainwreck
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Eventually they will realize they need help and will realize it as soon as you and your children let them know you can't do the work. The outings might be the exception, but your parents must have help in the home and on the property if they wish to stay where they are. I always wondered how it was that my mom thought she didn't need help when she was constantly asking me for help. When I hired home care for her, she hated it at first, then finally learned that I could not be there all the time for her and began to feel somewhat comfortable having "strangers" around. Still at assisted living she thinks of the people who care for her every day as strangers because they are not family.
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Cindy1123 Oct 2019
I am retired, so I can do some of the housework, but the house has not been kept up and there is so much work that needs done. She will call me and expect me to drop everything and do what she thinks needs done right then.
I did used to be a home health aide, so I understand about your parents not wanting strangers in the house, and I really don't blame them. I did become close to some of the people I took care of and missed them when they passed away
Hope your mom get adjusted to AL, my mom was in the nursing home for about a month for therapy and she loved it
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