my mother is 67 years old, and found out she was diabetes in her mid-late 40's.
she had me at 41, and i'm almost 26 years old.
i would say she never really took great care of herself after finding out she was diabetic. wouldn't eat enough, would often eat the wrong thing, and often made the most irresponsible excuses not to do what she was supposed to, like being too busy with the chores to have breakfast or take her medication on time.
well, eventually her attitude towards her condition started taking a toll. about a year ago, my dad took her to a neurologist, and she confirmed my mom had some brain damage, related to her diabetes, her age and her lack of mentally challenging activities. she was in treatment for three months, but after completing, my father never took her again. i would often ask him about it, and he'd say he'll take her one of these days.
i moved in with my boyfriend 4 years ago and ever since, i would see my parents around once a week or once every two weeks, and call them around every other day.
well, the thing is, about a month ago, my mother bumped her toe, and my dad was treating it and took it to a clinic specialized in Diabetic patients (we live in Dominican Republic, where people are not known for taking care of their chronic health conditions), and the doctors advised to amputate the toe if it didn't get better in a week. it did get better, but also she would often remove the gauze when my dad treated her at home, so it got awfully infected, which caused a major amputation (last thurstday they amputated 3cm above the knee).
right now i am having a lot of feelings, mostly anger. towards her, for not taking better care of herself; towards my father, for not continuing the treatment and for not allowing the toe to be amputated, and towards myself, because i keep thinking if i were still living with them, or at least somehow forced my dad to do what was necessary, this could have been avoided.
but the worse thing is looking at her in the hospital bed, staring at her leg without realizing what happened. she often says "look what happened to me, did the doctors see it?" she is touching the stump and she apparently hasn't made the connections about what happened yet, . Dr's from surgery dep. say she is out of danger and she can go home, and so do the psychiatrists, but she doesn't seem sane to me right now, and she is also very aggressive and sometimes won't allow us to give her her medicine.
i feel like i am going crazy and i can't stop crying, and i know there's nothing we can do now other than to do whatever it takes to improve her health and her lifestyle, but i'm feeling devastated, angry and guilty, and i would really appreciate some advise from those that are or were in a similar situation