How do you deal with parent who has always been quick to correct or argue facts and opinions, but is getting worse as their memory fades?

I am in a simular situation its my mother 85 she lives with me and my husband always correcting me, yet she is not safe to be allowed to cook and when I'm trying to prepare a meal she moves everything tells me what to do it really angers me she certainly knows how to push all my buttons life it no fun around her its hard to just too agree, if she was of sound mind you wouldnt allow so what makes the difference now

Verlaine,
This is the key: You must "bite the bullet". Now, and going forward, there is no more arguing points, negotiating, or trying to prove you are as smart as he is.
You can say, "Yes, you're right, Dad", "Thank you for that"--whatever will assuage him and keep him from further agitation. He is changing, you must adapt.
When you neutralize the situation, the angst diffuses. Your "normal conversations" are a different normal now. Align with your wife and have an agreement that you will try this, and perhaps the calmer atmosphere will nurture a "new relationship" with your Father. You see the deterioration of his mind; knowing that will generate a compassionate response from you.
He knows, too, even if he will not admit it, that he is winding down, and that is SCARY to them. Enjoy your time together. Blessings;) Christina

My parents have always been "right" not matter what the issue. I have finally stopped arguing with my mother because I am the one who becomes stressed and she enjoys the argument. As she becomes older, I think it also means a great deal to her self-confidence to feel that she is correct. She is frightened by becoming older and I will be in the same place one day, I imagine. I also try to introduce topics where she has a great deal of accurate knowledge that she can share. I share your frustration, however! Hang in there.

Maybe we have the same Dad..!
Just agree with him. Give it up...If you know you're right, that has to be enough. As you continue to do this, it gets easier and you'll find you really don't care about correcting him. It relieved a lot of pressure in my houshold and he's happier too!

Peace out,

- SS

I agree, forget trying to be logical with him and tell him he's wrong, won't happen. Just like Christina said, say 'is that right..' 'no kidding' 'how about that' That way you're not admitting he's right, just placating him so he'll move on to something else. I know it's frustrating, but don't make it bigger then it is. It'll drive you crazy.

I notice with my Mom that her mood follows ours (my husband's and mine). If we get frustrated with her "quirks", she becomes frustrated and whiny. When we are in a lighthearted mood; she is as well. We try so hard to agree with her and laugh alot (not always successful but getting better at it). We know the atmosphere of the household is up to us. There is no more trying to reason with her ... she's just different now.

woodka, Has your mother always been this way or has this just come with her declining health? She just might be beyond the level of care you can provide and needs to be in a nursing home where she will be safe, cared for and out of your hair. As a husband myself, I can only imagine how angry this must make him feel seeing you so verbally abused by your mom who sounds like she's an expert at emotional blackmail through fear, obligation and guilt, otherwise known as F.O.G. The key that I'm hearing is she knows how to push your buttons. Well, she must have put them in there. To diffuse those buttons cannot come by self-help books or intellectual knowledge alone, but needs the help of a trained therapist. Declining parent issues have a way of bringing our own family of origin issues to the surface as I have learned all too well. Good luck. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. Feel free to vent all you want for as long and as much as you want for this is a very safe place to vent.

Although I have answered this topic once, I wanted to add something about my father that this topic reminded about. I was the last of his children to marry and leave home. After about two months, he very gruffly told me that he missed me because I would argue current events with him and not take it personally. He did the same thing with my son, who was 17, until Dad became very ill. I think one of the things I miss about Dad is the political arguments.Perhaps he just liked being mentally alert and aware which may be what many of our parents are fearful of losing. Although I am only 55, I have started realizing that people do discriminate against those of us who are becoming older. I truly respect people who are considered elderly although they can be very frustrating. Most of what they need is just our time and love.

Smile and nod.

You also might remember that if your dad still had his brain, he'd probably be right anyhow.