So as my grandmother is dealing with dementia and is 92yo she needed to be where someone is available 24/7. She lived with my parents but they have 2 foster boys ages 5 & 7 and and she works part time and my Dad is disabled and retired and a dialysis patient so I'm single in my own home so we decided our best option was for them to move in to my house and that way I am always home since I work from home.
The problem is my grandmother feels like my dad should be sitting with her in her room 24/7. If he gets up to go to another room, she wants to know why he's going there, how long, where, etc. It's really ridiculous, she doesn't want to leave her room but doesn't want him too either. If he is tightening a door knob she will come scooting down the hall with her walker to "help" him. When he doesn't need help, she will ask him to come to her room for an hour (he could have been in there all day and only gone 5 minutes) but when he says he will be there in a little while her feelings are then hurt and she goes to her room and chair and sits and cries because he doesn't love her. It's driving him insane and we try to help but she wants her son (only child). The other day he was in the living room on the couch napping and she came in to the family room and asked my mom and I where he was, we said he was up front sleeping and she said Oh, OK, she asked again, same answer finally she turned and headed up the hall muttering and finally out loud said, well if they don' t want to tell me, I guess they just won't. She refuses to believe what anyone tells her and she obssesses about EVERYTHING from bathroom issues to where my dad is.
When she decides he should be home, he should just "poof" into the room. If I say he stopped at the store, she will ask if I'm lying to her. This is mentally exhausting as he needs a break from it and she is just relentless.
I'm just curious how other families handle these issues. Is there a way to deal with it and put her mind at ease? I have the most luck in dealing with her and things not escalating because I dont take it personal, I understand her mind is broken, or breaking down and she can't help it. So I stay upbeat and just twist everything to a more positive outcome but I also know that the decline in the last 2 months will continue and we are working with her doctor on adjusting meds and possibly adding something to calm her mind down.
I just found this site a week or 2 ago and the information I have found but just reading through the questions posted by real people dealing with the same things we are has been amazing!! I've gotten great ideas and tips and it's nice to read that we aren't alone at all.