Brother was inappropriate with me as a child. He lives in another state and calls 84yr old mom only on Christmas and Easter. Now he is coming to town on Memorial Day. I will never speak or lay eyes on him again. Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and of course he does not know because he never calls her. I have been extremely involved in her care. How do I deal with him now showing up and no doubt barking orders and being mean to mom?
if he wants to see mother it’s with someone of authority/ legal in there with him as his behaviour has been intimidating and scary
calm the police if you feel threatened
the man’s a bully
keep away from him
"Badbro, Mom will not be available for your visit because her doctor has advised against visitors." (signed) Your Name.
If he appears to be about to show up, then take her to your house at that time. Oh, and change any locks to which he might have keys.
Is he coming specifically to see your mother, or is he coming for something else and adding on a visit to her?
I would say, he is after money. Wants to see what Mom has. I so hope you have POA because you cannot reveal that info to him. Thats between you and Mom. You don't need to give him medical info either as POA.
's passing and forced her to have a garage sale, got what he wanted and left her alone surrounded by dad's stuff and took off. Yes, definitely looking to see her state of health and what she has. Mom feels that way as well. Mom lives on her own at her home that she and Dad built.
If your mother is in a care center do not be present when brother visits, but if you are POA for Mom let the facility know that you have a brother who was in the past abusive to your mother, and that you will not be present when he is, but that you request he visit mom only in public setting at the facility.
Or if mom is able to get out can you bring her to a neutral PUBLIC place and they can meet there?
If neither of these is possible block calls and do not answer the phone. If he shows up unannounced do not let him in.