Hello AgingCare community, my husband and I moved to New Mexico in December, and had to leave my mom who is 76 in a CA assisted living residence due to COVID. I'm really struggling with the guilt and miss her terribly. While I'm thankful for the Amazon Echo, to see and talk to her, I'm always sad after our calls. Last night she fell, and I saw her face all bruised with a split lip. She fell on her way to the bathroom at 11pm. This broke my heart that I could not be with her today. Thankfully, she is ok, but I'm still shaken up and sad with the distance. Our plan is to get her placed her in NM sometime in Spring. It's so sad to see my mom's memory decline due to her stroke and mild CVA dementia. Anyone else experience this kind of pain? I'm also her only child living and bear the responsibility for her care, finances etc. along with my husband. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

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You feel sadness and I felt anxiety when I was in the process of moving. It helps to stay busy but in a certain kind of way. That is...start your plans to move her. Take little chunks of time to research places and get on wait lists. Even though CA got somewhat behind in vaccinations to elderly, things are going to turn around in the next few months.. There will be details such as Medicare re enrollment, travel details, changing state ID, packing or buying new furniture, etc. Working out the miniscule detais can settle your mind.
Sure she fell. That was an accident which you should not feel guilty. As for my mom, one month after she moved, she was locked down for the past year. I am an optimist. Life throws at us these issues and we get through them. At least now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MACinCT
Vickimatthews Feb 23, 2021
Thank you for your reply, this helps me so much. I am going on a facility tour today in NM and hope to start making these plans gradually. My mom is in good hands in CA, and I just need to stay focused, busy and optimistic.
Excellent advice from MACinCT about "eating the elephant one bite at a time". That's my methodology for everything because it greatly reduces my stress when faced with large or complex challenges. Plus I love feeling productive.

FYI falling on the way to the bathroom at night is one of the most common accidents in facilities. I work in medtech and if people only knew how many companies are trying to work on this issue, it would shock you. So far, no real practical solutions. Not that this makes your poor mom's accident any less distressing... May you gain peace in your heart as you move her close to you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777
Vickimatthews Feb 24, 2021
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, my mother has fallen twice on her way to the bathroom. We had a bedside camode for her when she came home after her strike, which worked well. I really feel facilities should make use of these more often for residents with a fall risk, but you don't see it much; so troubling. We will get through it, one way or another.
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