Follow
Share
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Is she having fender-benders? Getting lost? Has physical or cognitive impairments that prevent safe driving? Driving erratically or dangerously?

Just want to emphasize that it doesn't need to happen just because they become a certain age. My own 93-yr old Mother (who lives next door to me) still drives. To date, she is self-limiting in where and when she goes (ie now drives only in perfect weather, in daylight, non-rush hours or schoolbus times, when roads are dry and snow-free, and only to 2 locations). I limit her by not shoveling her driveway (and I make some excuse as to why). I make sure all her needs are met so she has few reason to go anywhere. I drive as her passenger, or behind her, to check on her abilities. This is all because my Uncle, her brother, had an accident that killed his 2x cancer-surviving wife of 60+ yrs because he shouldn't have been allowed to drive anymore. FL just had a wrong-way elder driver hit and kill 2 teenagers.

You are in the best position to safeguard your LO and others. Depending on her state, you can anonymously report her to the DMV online (and provide all the documentation and incidents to support your claim). They will mail out a letter informing her she needs to come in to be tested (probably an eye test and if she passes that, maybe a behind-the-wheel?). But do not take her to this appointment. Do not keep talking about it. Make sure she doesn't call others to take her. Her license will then expire. Then, remove her vehicle on some pretense (it needs repair) or disable it. Cancel her insurrance. If you arrent' able to do this then talk to her neighbors and ask them to report her (911) if they see her pull out. Report her as a dangerous driver.

She won't like any of this and will be in a rage for a while but you must step in. The county/state will not. Her doctor will not.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
Katsmihur Feb 2023
I reported my mom to the DMV, along with a letter I sent to her primary. She did have a mild cognitive decline diagnosis, but refused to be seen by a doc, after her ER visit. I detailed very specific instances mom had been having + the MCD diagnosis + not seeking medical help = the state sending her a letter. The state would have reactivated her license had she passed an in-person test (she did not pass) and had three various doctors complete paperwork saying she was fit to drive (she tried to get her primary to sign off on the paperwork which he did not do).

Lovejean, you must live with yourself if your elderly mom continues to drive, hurts or kills someone and/or hurts or kills herself. I could not.

Hoping your decision brings peace.
(4)
Report
See 2 more replies
It's a rare elder who will voluntarily agree to stop driving. If they are a danger to themselves or others, they need to be informed - not convinced - that they will no longer be driving - their consent is not necessary.

Blessings.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Good Morning,

There must be a reason(s) for your mentioning this. For example, I first noticed my mother's peripheral vision was gone when she would walk behind a car backing out of a supermarket parking lot. I couldn't understand this since Mom had cataract surgery and $5,000 hearing aids.

This was the onslaught of what was to come--Lewy Body Dementia. Looking back I didn't realize it at the time but I now have more information and a diagnosis.

For example, right now if my mother were to take her walker on a sidewalk she probably would gage the curb distance wrong and go right off the sidewalk and literally into the gutter.

Half of the senior citizen population is on a blood thinner. We have the responsibility to keep our loved ones safe and the public. My mother was driving down the street reading the console (mileage) gas gauge, etc. while she was driving at the same time, not keeping her eyes on the road and could not judge the distance of the car in front of her. I was in the passenger's side, I immediately said, "pull the car over and give me the keys". Mother never drove again from that point on.

Please Note: This is important. When I say mother never drove again, mother also has transportation to and from any and all appointments--doctors, dentist, hair dresser, etc. Their needs have to be met. They (the seniors) don't want to think they have no freedom and will be stuck home.

In other words, you have to let them know that grocery shopping, Church, family birthday parties--they will have someone bring them.

You can't let hurting someone else's feelings take precedent over other's (and yourself) safety.

You can, however, get your mother a Real ID. It is a government sponsored ID program that in time all of us will be required to get through your DMV.

If you think your mother driving is an accident waiting to happen--as was the case with my own mother, then you need to make arrangements for food delivery, Senior Citizens groups, library classes, etc.

They don't want to lose their freedom. They want to go to the supermarket and meet people. Do you blame them. We have the responsibility to keep them safe but involved in their Community.

Enough said...
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
CTTN55 Mar 2023
" When I say mother never drove again, mother also has transportation to and from any and all appointments--doctors, dentist, hair dresser, etc. Their needs have to be met. They (the seniors) don't want to think they have no freedom and will be stuck home.

In other words, you have to let them know that grocery shopping, Church, family birthday parties--they will have someone bring them."

And procuring transportation for an elder might not be as easy as you think. My mother refused to use Handi-Ride (probably couldn't have managed the arrangement for it, anyway). She wouldn't have been able to manage Uber or Lyft. I became her chauffeur. She didn't like the limits I placed on that. And if you are the one to become the transport, it can take up hours.

When my mother became dependent on me for transportation was when things became very difficult for me.

And somehow I knew that would happen. She'd told me she wanted to quit driving when she turned 90. That time came and went. I wasn't going to push it. While I'm sure my 3 out of town sibs would have loved it if my mother stopped driving, they weren't going to participate in her transportation. One of the 3 watched my mother drive, and said she was okay. As did I. My mother drove very few places and never at night, never on the highway, never in bad weather.
(2)
Report
A doctor can be helpful here. In our case it was actually my father's eye doctor, who said to him "I won't sign off on your vision in two years, so you need to figure out a plan." He trusted that doctor and told me about the exam, and having someone else talk about the issues, whatever they may be, can be helpful. For my dad, who is in denial about his cognitive decline, being able to say that he no longer drives because of his vision (he has had a few eye issues in the past that have grown worse, not just regular vision problems) has been a bit of a nice cover for him. So don't just assume that a neurologist is the only way to go here!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Check out the video on the Alzheimer’s web site. I watched it once by myself, then asked my husband to watch it. He had backed into a car, nearly sideswiped one (the other guy’s fault…he shouldn’t have been there), and ran a stop sign because he was watching something else. All this in about 2 weeks. He asked if he was really that bad, to which I said YES.The video is really good. Made everything much easier. Also got his doctor to write a letter to him saying he shouldn’t be driving.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Smithbarbl Mar 2023
Thank you! Very helpful advice.
(0)
Report
Check with your state's Dept. of Motor Vehicles website (or call). They may have a medical review process, where you (or a doctor or police officer) can request that the DMV evaluate whether or not someone should be driving. The Doctor examines them, more than once if needed, and makes that decision. I'm not sure if they use their doctor or if they rely on the patient's doctor for this review. The outcome of it is that they can pull the patient's license if that's needed.
Don't expect a miracle though, I know from experience that they are RELUCTANT to do this, at least in my state. I suspect that in an instance where it's not cut and dried they err on the side of doing nothing.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I also had my PCP tell my husband he can not drive. Then we went to MVD to “renew” his license where they told him his MD says he was unable to drive. Never blamed me.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Can you provide more details? Why don't you want her to drive?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Ask her how she would feel if she kills someone, especially a child.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Quitting driving is a big ordeal for anyone. I had been planting seeds with my mother to stop driving for two years before she finally decided give it up at age 92. She could barely see over the steering wheel of her cherry 1995 Acura Legend.
She said that she started to get nervous thinking about driving. So she decided to give it up herself.

If they hurt themselves, it affects you, and other loved ones. If they hurt another person, that affects many more people. Quitting driving isn't the end of the world, she will be safer.
Keep talking with her about it and come up with other transportation options. One of her transportation options is probably going to be you and soon after, you will end up being her only transportation option. :)
To this day, I regret selling her car...
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter