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Hi everyone,I’m looking for advice on how to properly and gently clean an elderly person after a bowel movement, especially if they’re having trouble passing stool completely. Recently, I had to help my loved one who couldn’t finish on their own, and I had to assist more directly than I expected. It was very uncomfortable and painful for her, and honestly, a very emotional and exhausting experience for me.
My main concern is her wellbeing and safety—if I have to do this again, I want to make sure I’m not causing her pain or putting her at risk. Does anyone have tips or guidance on the best way to handle this situation? Any advice or resources would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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This isn’t something you should be doing, at least without medical training. Impacted stool requires medical help to avoid injury or infection. I realize you’re trying to help but she needs medical attention next time this occurs
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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CaringinVA Nov 4, 2025
I agree. The hospice nurses came to help my MIL when she was impacted. It wasn’t anything that we could do safely for her without them.
(3)
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Get her to an emergency room. They may have to give an enema. Afterwards, they will give you instructions such as dietary changes, and stool softners. Prune juice is good.
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Reply to Scampie1
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CaringWifeAZ Nov 8, 2025
Yes! I had to take my husband to the emergency room one Friday afternoon, as his doctor instructed over the phone, when he hadn't had a bowel movement in over a week, and was not eating or drinking.
They gave him an enema, then cleaned up the resulting mess, and sent me home (or prescribed) a bunch of stool softeners.
The hospice nurse suggested prune juice and more water in his diet, and regular use of stool softeners, as some medications cause constipation.
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It can be very uncomfortable and painful for anyone trying to pass stool when there is a blockage. Nurses I've spoken with recommend with an oiled, gloved hand, using your index finger to kind of "hook" the blocked stool and pull it out.

If your patient is already in pain and that is painful, you can use something like a squirt bottle (Like a dishsoap bottle with a small opening) with some baby oil or olive oil, have them lay on their side, and try and squirt a little oil into the opening, without being too invasive. There are also suppositories like Dulcolax which you can insert in the rectum and it will soften and lubricate the stool.

But, you ask how to clean the bedridden patient after a bowel movement.
Have them turn on their side, or you may have to turn them on their side, and use wet wipes. For a more comfortable experience, I warm the wipes or use warm, soapy water in a small basin. I always have a disposable underpad underneath, so it can get wet and soiled, then to remove it, fold or roll it up moving toward the patient, with most of the "bulk" down toward the legs, so there is not a big lump under their back, as you roll them back toward you, and continue removing the wet underpad from the other side of their body. I like to use two underpads, so I can remove most of the wet, soiled mess, and there is still a clean, dry pad under them, to continue cleaning if needed. it's really hard to clean someone thoroughly when they are laying in a wet mess. My husband moves around a lot, and inevitably rolls back in the poop while I'm trying to clean him.
If their skin is tender, and wiping is painful, then just squeeze the warm-water soaked wipe over them to rinse their skin with minimal touching, or use a small cup or squirt bottle to gently pour warm water over, then blot as gently as you can to finish. I find this works well for cleaning the hard to reach area between the legs, especially if they can't or won't open their legs.
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Lovemom1941 Nov 17, 2025
There are “baby wipe warmers” on the market. I no longer take care of my mom at home but I did find one of these on Faceb**k marketplace for $5. If I still had mom, I’d find one of these to ensure wipes are not cold.
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I had severe constipation once and, after recovery, swore I would not go the ER or ask a nurse to dig it out so I bought a kit https://www.amazon.com/Smokitcen-Enema-Kit-Multi-Size-Controlled/dp/B08BK3HRLL/ref=asc_df_B08BK3HRLL?tag=bngsmtphsnus-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80539344142717&hvnetw=s&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=102057&hvtargid=pla-4584138871708269&psc=1. Now, I just do it myself.

I now take care of my bedridden wife, who has multiple sclerosis, and the problem is very severe. The feces back up all week long, and then she dumps it all at once. CaringWifeAZ is spot on. I would only add that I use a product called McKesson Perineal & Skin Cleanser RINSE-FREE.
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Reply to dlberns
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I took care of my bedridden wife for 2 years. You learn a few things with practice.. how to roll them in their side for diaper changes, cleaning, and pad changes. Even the quality of the pads make a difference. Now for the trick. Food and nourishment is extremely important. Pick foods that digest easily and keep stools soft. Baby food is good you don’t have to do it every day, but you need to experiment and find the right balance.. you just need to do a little research on what types of foods are easy to digest. Keep with the vegetables and avoid heavy meats like steak.
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Reply to Sample
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The methods mentioned for cleaning a bedridden person on here is spot on. That’s exactly what my siblings and I do for our mother. We bought a hydraulic hoist to lift her to a bedside commode but she does trust it (money wasted). She’s refreshed at change every with wet toilet wipes. If it’s really bad she gets washed with soap after the wipes. Using two pads is ideal. We use a disposable on top of a reusable one. The disable one gets rolled with the soiled brief and a second new on gets put in its place. The bottom one is for extra layer of protection.

She was impacted once before coming home from rehab and that was an ER visit. The rehab center didn’t attempt to remove anything from her colon. After that, we were instructed to always aim for a certain bowel consistency (peanut butter, sorry if that was TMI). She eats vegetables and applesauce and fruit cup everyday. We used to give her a stool softener once a day. Now things are happening on their own (8 mos later). Some days are blowouts ( if she’s eaten something that doesn’t agree with her or if she caught a stomach bug) other days are very manageable. We don’t allow her to go more than three days without a bm. We use diaper rash cream on her bum at night to prevent any skin irritation. She wears the adult briefs with tabs. If she wore the pull-ups, pulling them down if she’s done number 2, makes more of a mess. The sitter taught us to tear (or cut) the sides, then handle it like a diaper. As mentioned, always wiping a female from front to back. Then get her to roll to one side and finish cleaning the bottom area.
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Reply to Nitawee
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If the persons doctor says it is ok to have olive oil, then a spoonful at night will help keep constipation away.

In the beginning it is embarrassing for the helper and the patient, but it quickly becomes routine.

For women patients, just make sure to wipe from front to back. To avoid any infections.
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Reply to Tiger8
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When my mother had impacted stools from pain medication management, Kaiser would send her to the hospital to use an enema for relief. Her doctor prescribed a lactatoluse to regulate her bowels.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Milk of magnesia? After the specific time to wait to administer, if no , doctor is up!
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Reply to Elderlymomcare
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Tremura: Sometimes an enema will have to be utilized. For cleaning, use disposable wipes and discard in sealed container; they are a plumber's nightmare.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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