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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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With a husband who has dementia, you’re the one in charge. Asking him for permission for anything will soon have to stop because he won’t have the ability to understand or the reliability to make responsible decisions. I suggest tapering off his input into decision-making.
Just do it. This is hard for married couples who have always shared decision-making. But it’s a whole new ball game now. I wish you luck in navigating this new passage in your lives.
I have personally explained to my Aunts that the caregiver was for my benefit and they accepted this. I have also used this reasoning with my Mom when she recently needed in-home aids after breaking her elbow in a fall.
Please resist trying to get your husband to "buy in" to any changes you as his caregiver needs. As he progresses you won't be able to use reason and logic with him, and if he has memory impairment he won't remember the discussion anyway.
Caregiving often requires creative problem-solving.
You don't ask, you just do it. You can't reason with someone with Dementia. The answer will probably be no. You hire someone and tell him its a friend who is going to sit with him why you go to the store. And like a small child, you give him a kiss and walk right out the door. They have no concept of time. You could be gone an hour or 3, to them you have just been gone.
I rarely gave my Mom a choice, I just did what needed to be done. Didn't ask if she wanted a shower it was "time for a shower". In the beginning of her Dementia I gave her 3 choices, I knew what she liked, on a menu. Then it was two and then I just picked her favorite. I placed her in AL a year before she passed. I did not ask her and she acclimated very well. Actually, she had more freedom then my house.
People suffering from Dementia cannot make informed decisions. You don't give them choices because their brains can no longer process. I watched two student nurses try to explain to my Mom what was going on with her treatment. I could tell my Mom had lost them after the first word. They were talking faster then her mind could comprehend. I told them, she did not understand a word you said.
You’re wise to see the need for breaks and avail yourself of them regularly. Maybe “we’re both getting older and need help around the house” and like others have said, don’t present it as a choice
A way often recommended is for you to introduce the carer to him as ‘your friend’ who has come to ‘help you’ with housekeeping. That lasts for about 3 times, during which your friend spends more time with him than you do, then the next time you need to go out for a while. And so it goes.
The other way is simply to tell him that you need to go out and that a carer is coming to be with him while you are gone. You don’t ask him for permission, you just tell him.
And remember you DON’T need his permission. You have the right to go out.
Is there an Adult Day program in your area? Typically they pick up in a van in the morning. Bring the participant to the program and they get a breakfast, a lunch, a snack and programs and activities during the day. They can chose to participate or not but staff is really good at getting people involved. the van would bring your husband back late in the afternoon. this would give you both a break and it would give him some activities and socialization. But if there is no program you can do a few things. 1. Introduce the caregiver as your friend. "Charlie my friend Betty is going to come over today and we are going to catch up" When "Betty" arrives sit and talk and you can tell her what the expectations are. Show her around. The next time Betty comes over you make an excuse to run to the store for milk or eggs and let Betty fold laundry, get lunch ready or chat with your husband. the next time you can leave for a few hours. He will get comfortable with having someone else around. 2. Simply tell him that you need help. that if you do not get help you can not safely care for him at home.
He is probably not going to be happy with any explanation that you give him. the fact is that you can't do this alone.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just do it. This is hard for married couples who have always shared decision-making. But it’s a whole new ball game now. I wish you luck in navigating this new passage in your lives.
Please resist trying to get your husband to "buy in" to any changes you as his caregiver needs. As he progresses you won't be able to use reason and logic with him, and if he has memory impairment he won't remember the discussion anyway.
Caregiving often requires creative problem-solving.
I rarely gave my Mom a choice, I just did what needed to be done. Didn't ask if she wanted a shower it was "time for a shower". In the beginning of her Dementia I gave her 3 choices, I knew what she liked, on a menu. Then it was two and then I just picked her favorite. I placed her in AL a year before she passed. I did not ask her and she acclimated very well. Actually, she had more freedom then my house.
People suffering from Dementia cannot make informed decisions. You don't give them choices because their brains can no longer process. I watched two student nurses try to explain to my Mom what was going on with her treatment. I could tell my Mom had lost them after the first word. They were talking faster then her mind could comprehend. I told them, she did not understand a word you said.
The other way is simply to tell him that you need to go out and that a carer is coming to be with him while you are gone. You don’t ask him for permission, you just tell him.
And remember you DON’T need his permission. You have the right to go out.
Typically they pick up in a van in the morning.
Bring the participant to the program and they get a breakfast, a lunch, a snack and programs and activities during the day. They can chose to participate or not but staff is really good at getting people involved.
the van would bring your husband back late in the afternoon.
this would give you both a break and it would give him some activities and socialization.
But if there is no program you can do a few things.
1. Introduce the caregiver as your friend. "Charlie my friend Betty is going to come over today and we are going to catch up" When "Betty" arrives sit and talk and you can tell her what the expectations are. Show her around.
The next time Betty comes over you make an excuse to run to the store for milk or eggs and let Betty fold laundry, get lunch ready or chat with your husband. the next time you can leave for a few hours. He will get comfortable with having someone else around.
2. Simply tell him that you need help. that if you do not get help you can not safely care for him at home.
He is probably not going to be happy with any explanation that you give him. the fact is that you can't do this alone.