My niece is the primary caregiver for her 89 year old mother with severe dementia. It might be the time to put her on Hospice but my niece is reluctant to as when she was an in home caregiver, some of her patients were put on Hospice and died shortly thereafter. Please clarify.
My brother, her POA, refused to agree to hospice service at that time.
Three years later, with CHF, pulmonary edema, post stroke, post hip fracture repair and advancing vascular dementia, she fell and broke her wrist
Upon return from the ER, it seemed apparent that she was sinking and I saw no reason for her to be in pain.
Brother came and signed the hospice papers. Mom died two days later.
My point is that if you wait until the very end to engage Hospice, your LO dies soon after. If you engage them when first eligible, it can take months or years.
Hospice doesn’t kill people. If they’re in hospice care, they’re at the end of life. They’re dying. Hospice helps them to die comfortably.
And put it this way— her mother is going to die whether she is placed in hospice or not.
For dementia, they provided medications that helped quell the hallucinations and chase the fears away. They visited, and provided a minister, and a music therapist, if she wished. They were endlessly patient. They also kept me well informed of her condition and status (I, and other family members, scheduled our visits and theirs around each other so she had someone visiting almost every day).
When my mother needed to move from assisted living into memory care, they immediately provided an adjustable hospital bed for the room, so I didn’t have to try to hunt for one and figure put how to move it in.
Honestly, out of a lot of misery in my mother’s last few years (also my own, as she got nasty with me being her caregiver - something you’ll read about often here), the hospice people were one of the brightest and best things there could have been.
The care and help that you get from the Hospice Nurse, CNA, Social Worker and the rest of the Team is immeasurable.
Make a deal with her.
Have her "try" Hospice for 2 weeks. If she does not see the benefit that Hospice can bring she can elect to take mom off Hospice and she can return to her previous Care Team.
Honestly if mom dies during that 2 week "trial" she probably would have died during that time anyway.
Hospice does not "kill" people. If that were their goal they failed miserably with my Husband as he was on Hospice for almost 2 years. (Dementia, Alzheimer's and probably Vascular)
My Mom was 89 when she passed. She was in LTC and in her final stage of Denentia. I went to visit and the Nurse said Dr wanted to do a swallow test on Mom. By this time Mom had closed her eyes and would not get out of bed. TG I was a member of AC and knew the signs of the body shutting down. I said no, bring hospice in. Mom was gone in 6 days. I did not want her poked and prodded.
That is not to say that some people don't live longer than 6 months or even come off of Hospice.
But the vast majority of people that are moved to Hospice are actually going to die soon and likely sooner than later.
That is in no way intended to be callous. It is simply a fact of life. The purpose of Hospice is end of life comfort care.
Hospice doesn't hasten death. Death is already on the radar if a person goes on Hospice. When people are afraid that Hospice causes death - its often because they have not come to terms with the fact that their loved one is actively dying already.
My experience with hospice (4 times now) has only ever been one of them providing comfort care for the loved one - and comfort for the family.
As already said one of the mistakes people make is waiting too late to put their loved ones under hospice care.
Plus you can remind your niece that her mom is dying anyway as NO ONE as of yet has survived the horrific disease of dementia.
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