How do I take my mom's cat away from her?

Personally, I'd opt for a 'kind lie' .. "I'm so sorry mom, we found her curled up in the closet. She's gone." Let her cry and know that eventually her dementia would aid in her forgetfulness .. and THEN bring in the visiting pets for elders program.

Thank you, everyone for your comments. I am so happy to report that mom's kitty is in a very loving home. I went with a "kind" lie and told mom that pest control was coming in to spray for ants and we had to remove "Molly" so that she was not around the insecticide. She seemed to be happy with that. She does at times ask about her cat and I just keep telling her the same story which seems to satisfy her. I also take my little dog Heidi over to see her often. I stressed so much about this but knew this was the right thing to do. Thanks again

What a hard situation!

Would it be possible to hire someone, possibly a high school student or two, to go in once a day and tend to the cat? Or might Mom do things (like add litter to the food dish) that would put the cat at risk?

Oh dear, this is so close to my heart. I personally would do everything to keep the cat with her, I would be devastated, dementia or not, forget or not. My mother with dementia always looks for her ring and picture of my dad. She knows it is missing, goes nuts looking for them, forgets and remembers. It would be a torture for me if she feels like I do about my cat. I moved heaven and earth to get my 12 year old cat from US to Ireland, the poor cat went through hell only to come into another ring of it here. I think what Jean suggested is just what I had thought. Find someone to come in and take care of the cat, put the food in a spot only the cat can get to and try if you can and work it out for her. This is all she really has left that makes her feel comfort. Just my take, you do what you must do.

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. Mom's kitty is a grazer and eats a little at a time all day. Feeding her once a day would not work so well and then we have the water issue. someone could come in and put water down but mom could take it up again. Oh geez I dont want to do it but I think I must. It is so hard around here to find someone to take a kitty(one that will really love her and play with her) I hate to loose this opportunity. So should I be honest with mom or just say that we found a new home for her. I'm torn with what to tell her. Guess there is no easy way

Letting the cat 'go missing' would add a lot of anxiety! Telling her that someone else needs a kitty and her cat is VISITING the other person would keep her from worrying so much about the cat. Every time she asks, you could say the cat is visiting and will be back soon. Maybe the new owner would let you borrow the cat sometimes to visit your mother!

Alternatively, you might do a fact check first. Is the situation really as bad as the nurse is telling you? If the nurse didn't want the cat in the first place, maybe she is exaggerating to get rid of him. Or maybe there is some misunderstanding. Do other residents have pets? What do they or their families say about such problems, or about that nurse? Maybe other families have already found someone to come in and take care of their pets every day, who could do your mother's cat too. Maybe they know some other staff person who would be more helpful than this nurse.

What is really going on about 'litter in the food dish'? There are brands of litter that are made of just recycled newspaper ('Good Mews' brand?) that would not hurt the cat if some were put in the food dish. Cats are good at eating just the bits of food they want and sorting out any trash. Is the cat really in any danger?

IlikeJeanne's suggestion a lot. Perhaps if someone (like the above mentioned student volunteer) went in to feed the cat after school, and then the nurse or an aide just removed the food dish in the evening? I would suggest storing the bag of food elsewhere. They could also put a note on the wall above the water bowl "Cat has already been fed today" so your Mom would not worry about that.

Well, Jangirl, you know your Mom's circumstances and behaviors better than anybody. Yes this is a tough decision, but I am inclined to agree with you. The only other thing I can think of is to inquire about some organization that takes pets to visit people in NH and AL facilities. I don't know the names of any of them, but maybe google 'visiting pets' on the internet? The residents usually love such visits and it is therapeutic and calming to them.

Opportunities to rehome a pet do not come up so easily. With the difficulties your mom is having in the caretaking of kitty, it is bad for the kitty and will only get worse.

When we discovered that my aunt, for whom I was all POA and executor, had alcohol dementia, she had 6 living pets. I was very firm with her that I had to take them to the vet. Sadly, 2 of them had to be euthanized but I was able to place the other 4. When she would ask about them, I just said they were at the vet. eventually she just stopped asking. There was no grieving or sadness and that was the best thing for my aunt, in addition to the animals having been properly taken care of.

I am so happy I found an awesome home for mom's cat. I know the cat gets spoiled with lots of attention. Mom's disease has progressed enough that I was able to divert her attention every time she asked about it.. I take my dog to visit her and she calls it her cat. I fretted over it so much but all worked out for the best for all concerned. Thanks!