How should I address baby talking and “beautifying” with one of my mom’s very experienced caregivers without being rude?

Everyone has a different strategy - I had One CNA who Liked to talk On the phone and Play Music but she had a great rapport with My Dad so I could Not complain .

Dementia is a horrible and tricky disease for caregivers to manage. If your moms CG is successfully able to manage her with baby talk, and mom isn't upset by it, I'd say let it go and focus on moms needs vs your desires. All rules of normalcy fly out the window ANYWAY when dementia is in the house,...we have to lie to them oftentimes to keep them calm.....so we make concessions constantly to accommodate the disease.

I don't feel like baby talk is devaluing to an elder w dementia unless THE ELDER feels devalued by that type of talk. When my mom lived in Memory Care Assisted Living, her "girls" told her "I love you Joann" all the time and it was a beautiful sentiment that came from the heart. Sure the caregivers are paid, as any and all employees on earth are, but these gals genuinely cared about mom and SHE felt it. She was touched by their feelings for her, which added to her experience in Memory Care. Not everyone has ulterior motives or bad intentions when caring for elders in their own way, thats been my experience over the years. When I was a CG myself, I genuinely cared for the 2 clients I had become close to over time. It happens.

Anyway, I'd leave things alone unless mom seems bothered or uncomfortable by the way her CG is treating her. As far as hair ornaments go, maybe they help mom feel pretty or a bit dressed up for the day. Just my 2 cents on the matter.

Have you actually asked her to stop talking "baby talk" to mom?
If not I think you should mention it. She may not even realize she is doing it, it might have become a habit.
As for the barrettes..does mom pull at them? does she seem to want them out? does using them keep her hair out of the way and make it easier to care for mom? If mom dies not seem to mind, if she is not wanting them out, if they keep hair off her face, out of food I would let this go.
The baby talk would get me as well, I don't talk baby talk to babies, infants, toddlers or anyone else.
She should speak slowly, distinctly and give mom plenty of time to comprehend what has been said and formulate an answer.

Hi MCassin - I actually think everything else that the aide does for your mother overrides it. But, that's just my humble opinion. The idea that this caregiver is so skilled and making your mother's life easier and more functional would ease my mind, and actually that's more important to me. But, it's really your call!

Her behavior would bug me too. I didn’t speak baby talk with my children or my parents. It’s patronizing to speak this way to an adult.

How is her behavior affecting your mom? Is your mom offended by her behavior? Is she annoying to your mom? I would focus on how your mom responds to her personality and act accordingly.

I read your profile. I also cared for a mother who had Parkinson’s disease and dementia. It’s difficult to watch our parents decline, and of course, we want the best fit as far as caregivers go.

Whenever, I found myself with a caregiver who wasn’t the best fit for my mother, I called the agency and requested that they send a replacement.

I told the agency what I liked and disliked in a caregiver. They were accommodating and sent a replacement.

We were sent a caregiver for my mom who was a wonderful match for my mom. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you see that your mom is uncomfortable with the caregiver.

If your mom isn’t uncomfortable and you are having difficulty getting past her “baby talk” you can ask the agency to speak with her about it. Or you can politely tell her yourself.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Sorry, that would so bug me. Mom was in an AL and LTC and not once did I hear an Aide or nurse talk "babytalk" to a resident. Talk about demeaning. And putting barrettes in her hair, if my Mom didn' use them before, she would not appreciate them now. I always made sure Mom looked nice. I put her clothes together in sets so she would match. Otherwise the aids just grabbed a top and slacks and they didn't match. My Mom was big on things matching.

What do u mean by babytalk. Like talking to an infant or a 4 yr old. If its like chalk on a blackboard to you than I would ask her to stop. "Could you please do me a favor, talking to my Mom like that for some reason just rubs me the wrong way" make it about you not her doing something wrong. or "sorry, for some reason the way you talk to Mom seems to bother me" Or like said, let it roll off ur back.

I've had the same experience (baby talk). We had a caretaker for my elderly sister. I really didn't like the baby talk - the very first moment I saw the caretaker do that, I told her politely to speak normally to my sister. The caretaker stopped the baby talk.

It's important. Baby talk is completely inappropriate and devaluing. The elderly people are adults. I definitely didn't want to let that slide.

You know another thing that really annoys me? When a caretaker says "I love you". Those are big words, and they absolutely don't LOVE my sister. They're paid. Let's see how much they would love my sister if they did it all for free, and helped again and again for years. That would be love. I find "I love you", so dishonest and boot licking.

Side-note: We currently have great caretakers. My sister is very happy with them.

A good caregiver is worth their weight in gold. If she is great at all of the stuff you mentioned you may want to cut her a bit a slack about the "baby talk", although she shouldn't infantilize your mom. More importantly, how does your mom respond to the "baby talk" and the "beautifying"? Does she enjoy the "extra" of the caregiver?