How should I address baby talking and “beautifying” with one of my mom’s very experienced caregivers without being rude?

MCassan: The caregiver is very experienced and very good at the technical aspect of her job. Perhaps the so called 'baby talk' is a moot point because experienced caregivers may be hard to find.

If it does not offend mom, let it go … Good caregivers are hard to find . Professionals in the field teach that actions impact dementia patients much more than the spoken word .. It very might be good for your mom . As long as moms face isn’t being painted up like a clown or she reacts negatively towards this caregiver, leave it be …
If she is far enough along with dementia her reality could very well be of a 5 year old.
I am the 24/7 caregiver for an adult 80 year old man .. He is in the seventh year of this disease. He is a 285 pound 5 year old that reacts and understands better if spoken to as a child . He can not process adult conversation.

Go ahead and be rude. Baby talking to an adult is insulting and should not be tolerated. I think it's important that adults, even demented adults, need to be addressed with dignity and affection; not talked down to.

You ask this care giver why she would want someone to talk to her that way. Has she seen success with baby talking with anyone? Has she tried other ways of talking to get your mom's attention?

Leave it alone. She's not hurting your mom and the important tasks are all handled well. Let it go. Hurt her feelings over something trivial and the next one may handle all those 'real' tasks quite poorly. Big deal over nothing.

Oh my.. sounds like she wants to care for children. My mom needs bobbie pins to keep her hair out of her eyes. If your mom does not object I would ignore it. Grating on your nerves and would bug me ….but if she does a great job otherwise let it go. I would be grateful if we could only afford help and get me off the hook..

I understand how baby talking to your adult mother could be irritating to you. But, if your Mom finds it soothing to be treated this way, I would let it go, especially since she is a very good care giver. However, just make sure the caregiver does not have ulterior motives-like offering to go back home to live with her and take care of her. Or, gain access to her personal possessions, information, money, or prescriptions. I had a that situation and stopped it. Thankfully, I had medical directive and power of attorney on my friend/extended family, Margarethe. The woman was an acquaintance of hers and visited her once a month or less in the nursing home. She had two young children, prior drug charges (and jail time), still was a user of illegal drugs, drinker, and just all around deceitful person. She was looking for a place to live outside her family’s house. She offered to take care of Margarethe at home. I researched the women’s background and got copies of recorded jail and drug charges. I then provided that information with a letter to the nursing home telling them under no circumstances is Margarethe ever to go with this person outside the facility. My friend had vascular dementia and was in a wheelchair. Margarethe liked her daily wine when she was at home and met this woman because she was the step granddaughter of man who was best friends with her husband when he was alive. They were all drinking buddies at one time. They never helped her at home except to get her liquored up. Although my friend passed a year ago, I am glad that I fought that battle. Good luck with everything.

This is a common problem to varying extents in our country especially our healthcare system- disrespecting our elderly population. As my mother reached her 80s people began to address their questions to us and call her honey and sweetie. She hated that. Her 80 was the new 60- she was still active (busier with activities and more mobile than me sometimes ). After a stroke a couple years later this barely changed although during that time nurses doctors and aides often treated her poorly. I think this is all exacerbated by the current system of having hospitalists run pt care at hospitals rather than a doctor who is more familiar with them especially if they have a complicated medical history. I believe this contributed to the hospital where we took my mom completely missing (even though we told them ) that our mother was in the process of having a second stroke. Indeed , after leaving her overnight for “observation”(?) we returned to find her unable to move her entire left side despite being ambulatory and mobile the night prior - worse still was that the staff had completely missed that this was a change in condition and merely rationalized that it was residual from her prior stroke! Anyway - off topic a bit but showing how damaging this can be.
I’d first see how my mother felt about the baby talk and barrettes . ( and notably depending on type and persistence of any baby talk it is actually instrumental for BABIES who should not actually be spoken to like they are adults ) anyway - if she’s okay with it I would grit my teeth and try to endure — some adults do regress to that point where they may not only tolerate but actually enjoy being treated in that way. However if she is bothered by it or not at that point then I would mention it to the caregiver. If the hair is an issue getting adult style hair clips might be a good idea. And my mom enjoyed having her nails done nicely which I continued fo do for her when I could and some of her caregivers did as well.