How much time should I commit to helping my sick Dad?

A doctor may declare that someone needs 24 care for a number of reasons, or a family member may make that decision based on observation.

Can the person still do activities of daily living on his own, or does he need help getting meals, going to the bathroom, getting into and out of chairs, the bed, etc. Does his poor judgement put him at risk? How would he manage in an emergency, such as a fire?

There may be a standard list of things to consider. If so, I hope someone will be along to share that.

I'm sorry but there seems to be a type in your post. Who does your sister think Dad should spend more time with?

If someone needs 24-hour care that may mean they should not be left alone, but it is OK for him to sleep in a house with someone else sleeping there. Or it may mean he needs to have someone awake and alert to care for him around the clock.

Either meaning is met very well in a long-term care facility, such as assisted living, a group home, or a nursing home, depending on the level of care needed.

My husband, with dementia, CHF, and a few other chronic conditions, could not be left alone. But he did not need constant care (and I had not other dependents in the house). He was fine staying at home with me. My mother needed help with all activities of daily living and really needed three shifts of care persons available. She is thriving in a nursing home.

How much time you should commit to helping Dad depends heavily on your other responsibilities. Certainly you have a huge commitment to your husband and children, which must come first. If Dad really needs 24-hour care (and a doctor could help with that decision) I think it is time to look for a long-term-care center for him. Then the question becomes how much time can you commit to visiting him. Half-an-hour a day? Two afternoons a week? Lots of possibilities then.

Your kids and husband should come first. I think you said your sister wants you to take dad into,your home more often. What's up with Sis? Is she able to share the load?

My sister is super bossy and likes to bark orders!! No, she visits my dad for about 1-2 hours a day and that's it. My dad don't want to go to her house because my mom is always there at my sisters house and mom and dad are divorced and don't get along.

Boy, what a mess. I still feel strongly that you need to put you immediate family first. Does dad have any funds? Would he qualify for medicaid, or va benefits? Exactly what are his needs? However you can do it, either get dad care in his home or placed in a facility.

So… I suppose… your sister feels she is looking after your mother and that leaves you to take care of your father? Fair shares - is that how she sees it, do you suppose?

Except it isn't fair shares, because you already have your hands full. And if your sister believes that your father needs 24/7 support, and she may have a point, she will have to come up with another solution that doesn't include his staying with you. Do you have any ideas? What do you think your father's needs really are?