My husband has 3 sisters and when his mom was nearing the end of her battle with cancer, they all stepped in; sisters, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc.
He worked a job where he could take off work and take her to appointments when needed or work from home. His mother was loved by all of her family and had a great relationship with all children.
My mother and I on the other hand have had a strained relationship; for 14 years we had no relationship. She's manipulative, narcissistic, negative, feels entitled, expects to be treated like the matriarch but her behavior does not warrant it.
I've shared ALL of my frustrations with my husband over the years, and when I completely break down, he says that I'm not alone and that he will help out more, but he doesn't. When I asked him the other day to make a simple phone call to my mother so that I could take a nap, he said he would, then later when I woke up (6 hours later) he had not and it was too late to call. When I reminded him that 'he promised' he said, I forgot.
My mom is a handful and I am the only one of our immediate family left and she's the last of her siblings. I could go on and on but I think I've given enough information.
I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting, being over-sensitive or dealing with my own menopausal issues but he doesn't understand the stress of doing this alone since he had "a village" to assist...and he's male. Not trying to be sexist but I just don't think he can fully understand the dynamics of a mother daughter strained relationship.
I am great at disconnecting in order to protect my feelings or to keep from being disappointed and I don't want to do that with him. I also don't want to talk about it then have him respond as if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, that would only invalidate what I'm feeling and make me retreat even more.
Any ideas on how to approach the topic with him?