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I think you could get her to try an ALF for a month and I bet she would like it. It's a total cure for loneliness. Mom's been in one 6 months, doing VERY well.
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Thanks for all the feedback. She was on antidepressants, dementia meds etc...and she was much worse, in fact the paranoia, hallucinations, accusations, and general meanness were much worse. She stopped taking all meds almost 2yrs ago and probably better since she probably wasn't diligent on taking daily anyway and she actually has improved in taking care of herself and managing day to day.

Drs have been worthles and pretty much gave up on her and now just referring her over to GP Who takes Medicare.

It's just sad. Thx jessebelle; you nailed it as to my being her appendage. I appreciate that she wants to be close to me, but she doesn't respect my advice nor meet me 1/2 way or even 1/10 of the way to make her life quality better. I don't think she wants me to feel guilty about her...but I can't help it. I see a woman who could live another 5yrs or more healthily and throwing it down the tube. Then I see so many elders infirm and they keep up activities and are social even with limitations. It's inspiring; I point that out to mom and all she wants to do is pity them.

I do limit my calls and let her download or feel sorry for herself and then always end the conversation that I love her but only she has the power to make things different. Sometimes I pray that she does go to the hospital and we can get the ball rolling to AL or in home care (mandated). That all for your feedback and support. Guess I just needed some affirmation.
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Your mom has depression. Is she on an anti-depressant?

I don't know what else you can be doing. You are doing everything you can and then some. You can't move in with her and physically make her socialize.

I'm sure her phone calls are draining. Being someone's lifeline is exhausting. Can you cut down on the number of times you speak to her? At least while you're at work? No sense in your mom dragging both of you down.
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This is a tough one. Getting old and losing cognitive function is hard on a person. They lose confidence to get outside their comfort zone. It is easier to stay home where she feels safe. If she were happy with that, it would be okay. But she doesn't seem to be happy with it. She goes places with you when you are there, because you are her touchstone. She depends on you to be that appendage that keeps her secure in an uncomfortable place.

I read that she had dismissed the caregivers that were hired. I get the feeling your mother needs to have one person that she depends on and feels close to -- someone she can trust. It's sad that she doesn't have that one friend to fill this role. It would be great if you could find a caregiver she actually likes and bonds with, so they could do things together.

Since your mother is still legally competent, I don't know how much more you can do. You can't make her move if she doesn't want to. The only thing I can think of is to try to locate a caregiver that she will accept as a touchstone and friend. That is quite a task, I know, particularly from 6 hours away. It may be that you'll have to wait until things fall into place, then decide what needs to be done. I sympathize with you and your mother. I have a hard time understanding the attachment some people have for their homes when they're older. You can't get them out with a shoe horn. I hope you can find someone she likes that can come in to help her.
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Okay, got up, read your profile on the computer. So she has dx of dementia and has seen a geri psych. Is she on meds? I would call the facility that released her home with caregivers and report that she's fired them. I would ask for a needs assessment from your local council on aging. I would call her doctor and ask for guidance. Do you have POA? Is she still competent and would you consider guardianship? The best outcome I can see is that she ends up in the hospital again and you move her to memory care someplace nearby to you.
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DEMENTIA ALERT! I can't see your profile, but this is certainly depression and perhaps the beginnings of cognitive decline. Mom needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist pronto. When my mom got to this point (3 "emergencies" in 4 days that required my absence from work), I sat her down and said " mom, this isn't working out for me". Moving her to Independent Living at that point was a non negotiable for me. It really sounds as though your mom needs antidepressant therapy.
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