My mother insists on paying me if she moves into my home. She is 88 and in early stages of dementia. She doesn't want to go to board and care yet. I feel weird about taking her money, but she insists on paying me something. What's a fair price?
Absolutely take her money. Why should the elderly not be given the dignity of paying their own way if they are able to? (And contributing at least something if they cannot afford to fully cover their own expenses.)
Also, please have a personal care agreement or personal service agreement in place, that spells out what you are doing for her, what you are providing, and what she is paying. (Maybe room and board and services should be two separate documents. I don't know. Research that online.) The reason this is important is so that if she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road, the money she pays to you will not be considered "gifts" that would cause a Medicaid penalty. Also it helps keep things open and above board in case relatives start questioning things.
How do you know what is fair? I don't know of any guidelines. Consider what her monthly income is. Consider what she was paying for housing and food before she moved in. Consider what your extra costs will be, and also that this is going to consume enormous amounts of your time.
My mother (92, dementia and severe arthritis) moved in with my sister and her husband. Mom gets $800/mo in SS. My sister charges her $600/mo. That is about what she was paying for subsidized housing and food. It gives Mother plenty of spending money for her hairdresser and other simple needs. Mother is on Medicaid and cannot accumulate much in the way of saving, and she at the max. She has her funeral preplanned.
So I think that what my sister is charging is fair and reasonable. (Not that she needed my approval!) But what is fair in your situation I can't say. Hopefully this gives you some ideas for how to start thinking about it.
jeannegibbs is spot on in her advice to you. I will add some clarification. Charging room and board, if you are to be "above board" (no pun intended) with the IRS may cause an income tax liability to you. Do a search and the appropriate IRS document will come up. A taxable event may also occur if you are to charge for personal services rendered. If you intend on being on the up and up then you may want to look at both options and see which will create the smallest liability (probably room and board). If you will be charging for personal services having a contract as mentioned is essential to avoid problems if Medicaid benefits are ever sought. Whether or not you declare the transactions, make sure you keep records.
Is there a distinction between 'room and board' vs 'sharing expenses'. I have accepted money from my mother who moved into my house. So our arrangement is that she would share in the expenses. For example, electricity, heat (keeping downstairs warmer than I typically kept the house), adding things like her phone, HBO, etc?
A distinction in what way, teebee? Either way I think it important to keep track to make it clear the money she gives you is not a gift, but for her own benefit. Whether it makes a difference what you call it in terms of taxes, I don't know. I wouldn't think so -- either way it is income to you, but I am not expert. I hope someone with more specific expertise answers you.
we also have a specific agreement, that he pays towards his upkeep, 550 per month, but then he pays his own personal expenses above that, eg: nappies/over the counter meds/his monthly bus ticket/his amazonand internet shopping bill/ etc do not come out of this amount. his internet purchases are supervised by my husband. his monthly payment to us is toward rent, board, cleaning, laundry, basic hygiene products like shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, etc,etc, utilities. it doesn't cover the real amount, but if he paid more he would have no spending money for personal use. we made it very clear on a spreadsheet with an accompanying typed document what he pays for and what it inludes ....not just for him, but also for the siblings who think we are coining it by having him living with us, when the reverse is true. it costs us prob another 300 a month with his growing needs and dependancies, and looks as that is escalating rapidly.
sorry, hit the red button too soon! i think it is important that a) they pay their way so there is a value exchange as we all know nobody appreciates a free ride and in fact giving without receiving often gets used, abused and under appreciated, and under valued b) that they feel they are still contributing and doing something meaningful, like paying their way, or small chores like unpackingthe dishwasher, c) it gets documented so that they and you are clear (ish) on some guidelines and parameters for the relationship, and is a firm arrangement before dementia or confusion step in and mix everything up. good luck!
This is all so confusing!! My mom moved in 6 months ago and I haven't taken any money but now I'm concerned about Medicaid and that she needs to begin to spend what little she has down.
I left my home to move in with my mother who has a degenerative kidney disease and needs 24/7 care, my siblings convinced me as I was the only one that was available to do this. They now continue with their lives and my mom wants me to pay for room and board, food and 1/2 of utilities. I have no money and would be homeless if I did not live with mom. I could have stayed in my home and fought foreclosure and my job. I left my adult son who is a meth addict and living under a bridge. What a mess. I am 64 and collect $1300 social security which doesn't even pay my cc bills and cost of living. Assisted living is not an option, her house is paid for and at the insistance of my bother in laws, and she can't drive she turned over her $3000 car to me - more expenses for me and only use it for mom's trips to casino and errands. I proposed a contract for care to siblings - they rejected it - said I was lucky to have a place to live as they go on with thier lives in their many homes, golf, trips to Europe on and on.....am I wrong to think there is something wrong with this picture? I am venting I had a wonderful life, friends in an incredible area in California...now I have nothing....it has been difficult, thanks for letting me tell my story.
mylife, I am so sorry for the situation you are in. If your mother didn't need care and you moved in because of your own difficulties, then after a period of getting on your feet I think it would be reasonable for her to expect you to pay room and board.
But she does need care. That is the reason you moved in. Could you leave her alone while you go out and work so that you could pay her? Not if she needs 24 hour care. Check out what a live-in caregiver would cost in your area and show the numbers to your mother.
I moved in with my mother to assist her after my father died. I share utility and food expenses, but I also have the burden of all housework (I have living space in the basement, she lives upstairs) and all of the laundry and errands. I also do all of the cooking, even on the days that I work. I don't mind helping with groceries, but I feel that the amount of work I do around the home should be in exchange for room and board. I've tried to approach her with this several times but she gets angry and closes the subject. How can I approach her with this?
as an added note: I too, like Mylife, left my own friends and home in another state to be here for my mother. I have 3 other siblings who live in other states who do not share any of the responsibility, other than to have her visit them for a week or two every other year or so. One of my sisters has finally started to come here for a week once a year so that I can take off. Other than that, I'm alone in this situation.
Also, please have a personal care agreement or personal service agreement in place, that spells out what you are doing for her, what you are providing, and what she is paying. (Maybe room and board and services should be two separate documents. I don't know. Research that online.) The reason this is important is so that if she needs to apply for Medicaid down the road, the money she pays to you will not be considered "gifts" that would cause a Medicaid penalty. Also it helps keep things open and above board in case relatives start questioning things.
How do you know what is fair? I don't know of any guidelines. Consider what her monthly income is. Consider what she was paying for housing and food before she moved in. Consider what your extra costs will be, and also that this is going to consume enormous amounts of your time.
My mother (92, dementia and severe arthritis) moved in with my sister and her husband. Mom gets $800/mo in SS. My sister charges her $600/mo. That is about what she was paying for subsidized housing and food. It gives Mother plenty of spending money for her hairdresser and other simple needs. Mother is on Medicaid and cannot accumulate much in the way of saving, and she at the max. She has her funeral preplanned.
So I think that what my sister is charging is fair and reasonable. (Not that she needed my approval!) But what is fair in your situation I can't say. Hopefully this gives you some ideas for how to start thinking about it.
Charging room and board, if you are to be "above board" (no pun intended) with the IRS may cause an income tax liability to you. Do a search and the appropriate IRS document will come up.
A taxable event may also occur if you are to charge for personal services rendered.
If you intend on being on the up and up then you may want to look at both options and see which will create the smallest liability (probably room and board).
If you will be charging for personal services having a contract as mentioned is essential to avoid problems if Medicaid benefits are ever sought.
Whether or not you declare the transactions, make sure you keep records.
we made it very clear on a spreadsheet with an accompanying typed document what he pays for and what it inludes ....not just for him, but also for the siblings who think we are coining it by having him living with us, when the reverse is true. it costs us prob another 300 a month with his growing needs and dependancies, and looks as that is escalating rapidly.
But she does need care. That is the reason you moved in. Could you leave her alone while you go out and work so that you could pay her? Not if she needs 24 hour care. Check out what a live-in caregiver would cost in your area and show the numbers to your mother.