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My husband is thinking of trying to get legal gardianship over his parents. They are such a mess. She's crazy and refuses to see the doctor and rages if you confront her. He's lead them into financial ruin. They have a mortgage, they've borrowed against it several times, they are being foreclosed on, filed bankruptcy, give unknown people their debit card over the phone, and eat out everyday; the list goes on. Now we got a call that they drove to tuscon and stayed at hotels on the way for several nights because they ant drive very far in one sitting! She drives- she has dementia - she can hardly see and won't wear her eyeglasses because they " fixed her eyes". How are they paying for this? Credit cards. Why did they go from ca. Desert to Arizona by car? They want to move because there is a woman living with them that's stealing everything and having sex in the middle of the night with her husband- he an hardly walk across the room! ( psychotic) he refuses her anything she wants , just keeps charging everything! they got turned down on a house at a retirement community because they didn't have a downpayment. They were going to sell their house to avoid foreclosure but that been in the we are going to stage for 6 months. It's still not listed. Eventually they will be evicted and no one will take them because of debt and bad credit. They will be homeless. We can not afford to take them in nor can we handle them. Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I'm so frustrated!

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SNS, I'm so glad that you're able to get some clarity in this situation!,
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We finally got connected with someone from APS that actually did her job. She visits then regularly. This is because MIL finally was diagnosed. The police got tired of her calls ( mom in laws ) . She finally caused m FIL to bleed and have obvious marks from bruising so they arrested her and took her to the hospital. No pysch hospital this time. She was evaluated and we spoke to a social worker that informed us. She was released to FIL after he refused to place her in memory care at their suggestion. The called APS and now they are monitoring them and know that they have not been paying mortgage. APS told me that FIL requested our names be removed from contact info. So my husband has decided to just let them come to their end by themselves. It's been nice to not worry or carry that anymore- we went to visit the grandkids in the UK . MIL calls every once in a while and sounds worse but it's up to FIL to figure that out until he is open to help. So simply put we just let it go. We will step in when and if they are ready.
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Love to know what happened.
I learned here about the guardianship and am avoiding it.

I will have DPOA once they declare incompetency.
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Babalo- so they don't end up o the streets. My husband is so good with budgeting. If he could manage their funds they might e able to get into an apartment. As it stands now if and when they are evicted they have horrid credit and no one would rent to them. I understand your frustration with my inability to do something. But I must say that each situation is different and to explain every detail of familia relationships would take pages. There really are ome very bully like people on here. I promise not to post until we have some sort of resolution so it won't be so frustrating. I've noticed in the past that others have been called a troll. I don't think you understand the meaning of troll. That is a person that just wants to cause problems and hurt others through the things they post. Please stop throwing that term around at anyone that repeatedly posts. They may be like me and are simply feeling very frustrated at the situation and it is very hurtful. To carry the lack of support received from a " support" forum is sad. That's all I'll say.
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Sorry; I went back to your original post.

WHY on earth would your husband want to get guardianship of his parents? That would make him responsible for them. If he has no relationship with them, he should allow the state to take over the management of their care.

Perhaps you should get your husband to do the posting on here so that we can answer his questions. SOMEONE should call APS and the DMV so that there are outside eyes on these elders.
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Wow. Garden artist. Unbelievable. That's horrid. I am extremely stressed over this. Why would I make this up . I have a very full life and have no need to invent this situation. Don't worry I'll never bother you again.
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It seems as though first it's a question of foreclosure, then what an attorney would charge, now how does APS get in the house.

I suggest you just call them and ask them how they'll get into the house.

I think the question you need to focus on though is how either you can decide to do something about the situation or how your husband can. Posting questions but being unwilling to "go behind your husband's back" isn't going to solve the problems between you, your husband and your MIL.

The issue of how they get into the house seems to me to suggest that your husband just isn't ready to call APS. If so, then it's a waste of time for us to make suggestions because neither of you are going to heed them.

I'm also beginning to wonder if this situation really exists or it's just another inventive person toying with the posters here.
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Also my husband wants to know how APS gets in the house to check . The doctor tried to send a nurse over and my mil told her they were fine and shut the door . do they get a police escort?
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Babalo- Thanks for the sympathy . Actually my husband has never done that. As a matter of fact he has never been able to stand her. I do not go behind my husbands back and do things. They are his parents. He is going to go see them this Friday to make one more attempt at discussing their situation - if they've made it home. He knows she'll scream and his dad will cry. Then they won't change. That being said I'm trying to be supportive of whatever my husband decides . He has made it clear that they will never live with us; they are severely disfunctional. He has never been close to them because of this. He has gone more than 6 months without calling them before only to check in at my reminder. The only reason we are even kind of involved in this is because after not hearing from them for a long time his dad called to ask for money. That opened the whole can of worms so to speak.
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Sorry, I'm terribly sad for this situation, but it sounds as though your husband has never really developed an adult, separate relationship with his mom. He's still trying to please and apease her.

Vall APS on your own. Be the adult in the room, because you see the situation dispationately.
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"OK. I'll tell my husband." As if that will work! Sorry to laugh at your bad situation, but in my experience, telling my husband anything is a waste of breath!

Please do keep your distance. Best wishes to you.
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Here's more background information on the situation:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/in-laws-filed-bankruptcy-protected-from-foreclosure-195535.htm

Sorry has stated in that post:

"I haven't called APS because my husband doesn't want to. " and

"They've always spent like they are wealthy. They are stubborn and don't want interference just money. We have said no money. I'm thinking once they are escorted out they may finally be open to suggestions. I think APS could help them but I won't go behind my husbands back. "

So hopefully now her husband will recognize that APS' intervention is necessary and he'll listen to her based on the recommendations of posters.
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Ok. I'll tell my husband
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I agree with Captain. Contact APS and allow the state to judge them incompetent to manage their lives. The problem with guardianship, not even considering how incredibly expensive it can be, is that if you get guardianship you become responsible for their welfare and financial situation. Do you really want to be responsible legally for someone who will not listen to you?

My first action would be to let them know that you are not available as either caregivers or landlords, period. Then, contact APS and let them be evaluated by a third party with no emotional connection. This way they will get the correct care and you will have no legal responsibility for their actions. Finally, contact the DMV and let them know that she is driving in such a condition. They will order a driving test and she will fail and have her license revoked. This last step will save lives...not just their own, but any innocent who has the bad luck of driving on the same road as they are.

Angel
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attorneys arent going to help anyone but themselves -- to the tune of 250 . 00 per hour - no guarantees . id get APS involved and let the state deal with it . any responsibility or liability that you assume could wipe you out too . its difficult enough when everything is in order , much less taking on a mess ..
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I meant to say " never refuses her any thing she wants. She'll throw a fit if she doesn't get her way.
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