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My state (NC) started allowing limited outdoor visitation on September 5. Mom's LTC didn't schedule any visits until September 17. I was given a slot on Sept. 18, which they canceled due to bad weather, and was rescheduled for Sept. 24. Just prior to the 24th, they reported a positive test result from an asymptomatic staff member, so I was re-rescheduled for Oct. 8. Then I got a call saying that they had miscalculated the waiting period, so the visit was moved to the 10th.


A few days later, they reported another positive case (again, a staff member and again asymptomatic) so my visit was re-re-rescheduled to Oct. 17. And yesterday, I got notification of yet another asymptomatic positive test from a staff member who was never in contact with the residents. I'm now waiting for the re-re-re-rescheduling call on that one.


Is anyone else out there experiencing a similar problem? I'm starting to lose hope. It seems awfully strange that the facility went without a single positive test until the visitation restrictions were lifted. And while it's good to know that none of the residents have tested positive, it's also strange that all of the staff cases have been asymptomatic. Intellectually, I realize that this can be a series of remarkable coincidences, but on the other hand, I'm emotionally fragile enough now to begin to wonder if they're getting false positives, or are just plain giving us the runaround.

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NEW CMS Guidance - 3/10/21 - if resident fully vaccinated, they can choose close contact (incl. touch) w/ visitor in proper face mask, washing hands before & after.

Baby steps to better.

Still need to acknowledge #EssentialCaregivers role in PHEs.

Full CMS QSO here - https://go.cms.gov/3vnt7Bo
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I live in Florida, and we have limited visitation.
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My mother's ALF was in Phase 3, ie I could go to her room and visit if we wore masks and socially distanced. But then they had an outbreak of COVID and are back to Phase 0. The other problem is that I have been trying to get a working telephone into her room. I might have success today, but it's been several weeks since any family members could successfully talk with mom. My kids did a window visit and communicated t her by phone, but she has macular degeneration so badly that she could barely make out their shadows at the window.

How extremely lonely she must be! How would anyone survive being quarantined in one room (bedroom and bathroom) for any amount of time?
I'm sure she sleeps a lot, hoping that when she wakes up, this nightmare will be over!!
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217 days have passed since I was able to hug my sister-just prior to her move into new community-we drove her to new community. I was lucky enough to have a few "outside" visits with sis behind a rattly plastic shield, with lawn mower noise, car noise and her soft voice. 4 new cases of staff covid and increasing countywide numbers have put her community into total lockdown. Our dad in the hospital during August. I missed a couple opportunities to visit as I had to take mom to see dad in the hospital.

Sis needed a in office dermatology appointment for a mystery rash staff could not diagnose. Tried a lot of lotions and potions. no consistent answer from anyone about what is really going on being done to help. I Was told rash comes and goes. Took the DON until June to say yes the rash is bad she needs to see a dr. NO visiting dermatology at the community. Only wound nurse who doesn't have a clue what is going on with sis skin. Sis cried a lot during the last 4 months until they tried Scabies treatment. Was told it was helping then it wasn't helping. Thank goodness i did not cancel the appointment that took 2 months of waiting. Dr. says since scabies treatment working it had to be scabies after all. I am pissed that sis had to suffer this long with itchy painful skin.

Sis has lost 20 pounds. 10 of it in the last month. They are giving protein supplements 4 times a day and this is not enough to slow the weight loss.

4 new cases of staff covid=lockdown. sis went "out" to dermatology=self isolation for 2 weeks. they moved sis to a new room new faces. I ask staff about covid cases-i was told NO. but then get the update robo call and told YES new staff case-still in lockdown.

visiting psych wants to add more drugs due to sis mood changes. I was told a verbal questionnaire was used. Sis could not possibly say what she had for lunch-did she eat breakfast let alone how are you feeling today.

I tell DON i wanted to reduce her meds once skin is cleared up-this is part of why she has been utterly miserable for months and months. sis on 4 anti psychotic drugs. She did cry and howl for hours early on and was told that if it did not stop soon they would send her to psych inpatient-to a place i knew was horrible.

Sis new room has outside street view-i can see her this way now. this weekend. I planned to go see sis but staff did not answer the phone for 2 hours. I do not know the normal schedule i needed to know when would be a good time. Apparently they told sis i was coming at noon. I did not get ahold of any staff until after 2 pm when they decided to answer the phone. I am so sad to see my sister in this place of separation and being alone more decline. She now has a bed sore from sitting all the time. No PT no activities. I desperately want to hold and hug her and not let go. She needs 24 hour care. I thought about bringing sis to my house right at the beginning of covid I am beginning to wish i had.

They tell me i can stand at the window any time as many times as i want-she can not get to the phone by herself. How am i supposed to do this people.
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Thank you all for your contributions to this thread.

Update: My October 17 visit was moved to Oct. 31. The weather is getting colder, so I'm not sure how this will work out with outdoor visits - the high that day is supposed to be 63° and cloudy, with morning rain. My visit is scheduled for the afternoon...

In the meantime, Mama's not getting any better, physically, mentally or emotionally. I brought her some supper today - her favorite homemade vegetable beef soup, hot bread and coffee - but it was a disaster. She actually screamed (yes, screamed) at the aide who attempted to raise her bed and assist her with eating. I witnessed the entire episode from outside the window, and it was a horrible experience for me. The aide later came outside and, God bless her, gave me a big hug, telling me that everything was okay, and she was used to that sort of thing, but I left the facility terribly shaken. I've never seen my mother do anything like that.
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I'm told NO COVID in LO's facility, either among residents or staff, and that they have been COVID FREE since the lockdown began in March. But still no visits allowed outside in courtyard nor inside. Window visits don't work because LO is functionally blind & severely hard of hearing. I am frustrated. Seven months & counting! (We are in Dallas County here in TX.) No communication from staff to families regarding possible future protocols despite repeated assurances information will be forthcoming and that "they are working on it." I would hear nothing if I didn't initiate communication with them regarding re-opening every few weeks. It's hard not to wonder if they are stalling until all of this is over.
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PeeWee57 Oct 2020
The frustration is real. God bless.
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My mother lives in an ALF in NC. About two months ago, they started outdoor visitations. Last week, they started indoor visitations, limited to common living room area and private dining area. So far, I haven't had any challenges scheduling visits. Before starting the indoor visitations, we were allowed to speak to our LOs through the window or face time. At some point in July, we could briefly speak with them outside so long as we remained eight feet away. The loved ones of residents who are on hospice are allowed to enter the facility, but they are only able to go to their loved one's room. Since March, I haven't hugged my mother. Unfortunately, the ALF did experience two Covid-19 events. For the first Covid-19 event, in April, one of the residents did pass away from the virus and two other residents contracted the virus. During the second Covid-19 event, in August, a worker tested positive for Covid-19. My mother was in direct contact with the worker, which meant my mother had to isolate for five days in her room until she got her test results back. Out of all of the challenges, my mother's isolation was the most cognitively and emotional taxing for everyone involved. She attempted to escape her room multiples times, began smoking in her room, and was literally bouncing off the walls. Thankfully, her Covid-19 result came back negative. While we have been fortunate in that we have been able to have outdoor visitations (and now indoor visitations), the family members of other residents repeatedly violate the rules. During my last visitation, a family member became tired of waiting for a worker to come to door to take her care package. She then decided to enter the facility (at first not wearing a mask). She stayed inside the facility for approximately 10 to 15 minutes. She left the facility wearing a mask. For me and my partner, this was extremely disconcerting. We've been taking every precaution since the beginning of the pandemic. During the pandemic, we have had to quarantine because of possible exposure to the virus. So far, I have been tested three times for Covid-19. My partner has been tested two times for Covid-19 and has taken the Covid-19 antigen test. I cannot stand the thought of potentially bringing the virus to my mother or other residents. As such, I feel extremely conflicted about the current situation, but I think many people feel conflicted. For me, I try to do what I can do, which is talking to her on the phone, buy her things, visit as much as I can, and bring her lunch/dinner. While these things may not make up for hugs, going out, etc., something is better than nothing.
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First, you don't know that they are false positives since you don't know what test was used. So don't assume anything. The false positive rate has NOTHING to do with asymptomatic Covid. Some people simply never have symptoms, but are capable of infecting others; particularly the elderly.

Second, A positive test by a healthcare worker in most states (don't know about your state) are required to have a second, more sensitive test to "rule out" a false positive. During that period when they are doing this testing, that worker is not allowed to work OR in some cases depending on state, they must work wearing full PPE. This means the facility is now shorthanded with less staff available to monitor visitation to make sure their protocols are observed.

These facilities are MANDATED to have a Duty of Care. Meaning they MUST do their best to keep residents safe where at all possible. I can sympathize with not being able to visit loved ones, but they are not just responsible for your loved one, but every other resident as well. There are ways to maintain contact. Many facilities rotate through their residents with zoom calls where you can visit via your computer. Check with the facility to see if this is available. If not, ask why not.

As a related matter, I have not seen my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson since Christmas. I will likely not see them until there is a vaccine as they live 1500 miles away and I likely cannot SAFELY travel to them, nor they to me. So we stay home. Is it hard? Of course.

I've heard that if you so choose, you may wish to take your family member home for the duration. A friend of mine tried that, but found it upset her mother to be away from the place she had learned to call "home". She was able to take her back and has not seen her since, but calls her daily.

There is no easy answer to this. But please don't assume that anyone is randomly keeping you from your loved one for no reason. Again, asymptomatic does NOT mean a person can't SPREAD the virus. Researchers have found that they DO spread it.
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PeeWee57: Prayers sent to you.
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i am just another one of so many people that I have just read about and it seems there are no answers for our loved ones Who are in nursing homes and other age related facilities. My husband has been in rehab NH and waiting for a bed in long term at the same facility. For the last two weeks I have been able to visit once a week for 20 minutes in a separate room.
This is all so very sad and heartbreaking and I am finding that some of the visits leave me feeling that there must have been a better choice and yet I know there wasn’t. He is 80 and I am 78 with failing health..I just could not take care of him anymore. When I visit he cries and wants to come home and I know there are so many other people facing this every day.I pray that he will remember less every day and just know he is not in pain and being taken care of (I hope) by nurses and I hope God will forgive me for the choice I had to make. We are not alone my friends and am grateful we can express our feelings and listen to each other.
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NobodyGetsIt Oct 2020
Dear "rererita,"

I'm so sorry that your experiencing so much sadness and heartbreak having your husband in a LTCF. God certainly doesn't hold it against you. He knows the depths of the entire situation that you are facing. The pandemic has a lot to do with how all of this is playing out - it is out of your hands and control as well as it is for the rest of us. We have all had to learn and continue to learn how to integrate this "new normal" from the pandemic into our lives. None of us is responsible for that - we are all doing the best we can with the hand that's been dealt us whether or not we want to "play" the game at hand.

You feel what you feel in the moment; your heart says "there must have been a better choice" and your head is telling you "I know there wasn't."

We all feel helpless when we see our loved ones upset, crying and wanting to come home. Unfortunately, it comes down to how each facility decides to handle the residents when it comes to their feelings of loneliness, isolation and abandonment. The facility is only as good as those who are working in it. With my mom's facility, they have extremely proactive Facility, Memory Care and Activity Directors who are always actively looking for ways to "help" their residents with those feelings -none of them give up easily and for that I'm grateful.

God bless you as you continue to visit your husband for a once a week, 20 minute visit - you can only do what is allowed and please give yourself some grace while loving your husband to the best of your ability.
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I am in Arkansas. Haven’t seen my mom in months. They are not even allowing window visits at this point. Testing patients and staff every 4-5 days. Only had one testing period with no positives. I used to be a med tech, worked in a lab for 15 years. I think the tests are getting cross reactivity with another protein and they are getting more false positives than they will admit. To my knowledge the nursing home is getting all asymptomatic positives. And these patients are most at risk? I truly question them not getting confirmation testing. My mom thinks I deserted her even though I call frequently. She doesn’t understand, most of these patients don’t understand. When does the emotional and mental health of the elderly become important? I will gladly get tested and stay 6 foot away, but that’s not an option here.
My mom went to this nursing home just as all this started, I have never even seen the inside of this facility to know if it’s even clean...
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We need to show proof of a new negative covid test every 2 weeks for (limited) indoor visits or remain 6 feet apart for outdoor visits, masks are mandatory in both cases.
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I am so sorry you still have not seen your mom yet!!

I am also in NC and my mother was moved from Assisted Living to Memory Care last month as she declined further cognitively during the isolation from COVID. She was in AL for 3 years. I was granted a "change in status" visit last month and it was the first time I had seen her since early March. I had to clean out her things that wouldn't fit in her new room, and while I had access to the "inside" I took the opportunity to speak with other residents that hadn't seen their relatives - they were so happy to see a face other than a staff member! I was so happy to see them all, but so sad that so many have declined so during the quarantine.

Thankfully the facility recently opened outdoor visits, and this past weekend allowed indoor visits. They allow 1 visit per week for 30 minutes. While we visited Saturday, we called a friend of hers at another NC facility and were told those residents were still being isolated in their rooms and her friend couldn't even use the phone, which broke my heart!!

It seems they could still allow for some outdoor visits while they wait for the tests to clear! My mom's facility built booths with Plexiglass and microphones so residents could talk while being protected. It felt a big like visiting someone in jail, but I was just thankful to be there.

Sorry I don't have more answers, but know how you feel and hope you get to see her soon!
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CMS just recently ruled that nursing homes must allow visitation under certain conditions.  I wrote a letter to the administrator of my brother's facility asking how he was going to implement these new procedures. I have yet to receive an answer. My next step is to contact the local ombudsman. I think they are just continuing no visitation because it's so much easier for them.
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CarolPeaches Oct 2020
Update 10/13: I just received a call from the administrator of the facility. He received my letter and read the CMS ruling. However, he said he has to follow the county department of health regulations (California) which direct him to stay locked down. Additionally, he said with cases increasing this would not be the time to allow open visitation.  I don't buy it and will send an email to the local ombudsman to get his take on it.
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I am in Pittsburgh PA and i had to put my wife in a nurse home she went in 3 days before the Governor locked the state down the state is now at 50% the home my wife is in is still on total lockdown i have not been in contact with her since just before the lockdown the interesting thing is there has not been a single case EVER at this home i get to call her because i did give her a phone just a day before the lockdown. she tells me how BAD it is there with meds being given wrong no one answers the call button for at the least 2 hours well any way i could go on but it is just terrible not being to see my wife we have been married for 40 years and all I can do is pray
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ClauChar Oct 2020
My husband (81, advanced PD) is in an AL home because I am not able to take care of him. I am 80 and have several health problems myself. They give us a 30 min. patio visit a week, during which we sit across from each other on a picnic table in their garden. This is not enough but we have to be content since our Governor Kemp (GA) does not allow in house visits yet. I guess, he has to accommodate the demonstrators, protestors, and the college kids' parties. Yes, I'm bitter, because we are losing the possibility of being together (married for 53 years). The hardest thing is to hear him beg me to let him stay with me again. Unfortunately, I cannot do that since I can barely take care of myself. Life would be so much easier for most of us if we just could visit at least twice a week, but ----
I dread winter time and the possibility of COVID getting more aggressive again.
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It's a very hard situation. I cannot fault the ALC for wanting to keep the patients/staff safe. However, my husband and I have a concern about my MIL's mental health due to being confined. She's getting worse. She calls all times of the middle of the night and says crazy things. And we are very concerned about what her apt looks like. She is a hoarder. We have not been able to get in and clean. We worry if she has space to walk around. The ALC does not have cleaning staff. MIL is responsible for her own cleaning. They serve her meals and hand out meds and do her laundry. And since we cannot get in, they bathe her twice a week.
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New visitation guidelines were given by Centers of Medicare/Medicaid on September 17, 2020 It does say facilities must open up in-person visits both outdoor and indoor. However, the community must not have had COVID within 14 days for these visits to occur.

My concerns from your post
1. The communities are required to automatically notify families of active cases.
You should have been made aware of the staff testing positive, whether or not you planned a visit.
2. Even before this new guideline went into place communities were required to find a way for families to stay in contact with their loved ones. Many communities set up video conferencing such as Zoom or Ring Central calls so families and residents can connect.

Recommendations
1. Call the community and request a Zoom Call.
2. There is no reason you should not be able to do the "window visit" even with active Covid cases in the building.
3. Check the communities website and see if they are showing the COVID Positive results on the website. If the community is owned by a corporation it may be listed on that page.

If you cannot find any verification of the "COVID Positive" staff, I would call the long-term care Ombudsman office in your area and have them get involved.

I called a community last week and told them I was coming by to visit a client and they told me I was not allowed to visit due to COVID. I told them I knew that was not true that the guidelines had been updated on 09.17.2020 and they must allow visits, they were COVID free. I was then told that's true but we don't want you to come. I responded, that I did not care if they "wanted" me to come my client requested a visit and I intended to visit. At that point the did schedule a visit for me, they are are allowed to request that you schedule visits.
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suzeeq1958 Oct 2020
My concern is why would they not want you to come in?
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My wife is in Post acute SNF LTC subsequent to a massive stroke five years ago. As of March 13 this year she was pleased in total lockdown here in California. since then I’ve made numerous request for even partial consideration allowing visitation. Al to no avail. I’m told it’s the state of California and CDC Mandate. I continue to fight City Hall.
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My dad passed suddenly last month at his AL. He had been allowed out with me to go visit my mom through the window at her SN (thank goodness the day before I actually hugged my dad! I feel so much for those whose LOs have passed without this contact prior). When my dad passed I had to tell my mom through the window, but they did bend the rules - brought her outside in her wheelchair so we could hug her. At least they got to see each other two days before, but they hadn't held each other's hand or hugged for 7 months.

We still only have window visits with my mom and she is declining, especially because she sits in her room all day now. No activities, and she is also depressed because she hasn't been able to get her hair cut in 7 months. I don't understand why she can't see the beauty shop in her SN to cut her hair! All her adult life she has had a a very short haircut and now it's past her shoulders. I can tell it bothers her. She is declining so much she doesn't even want to read, something she's always enjoyed.

We've got to do something to get our LOs back to some semblance of normal. Why can't social distancing take place and have a musician even come in to play music? And I think the "Essential Caregiver" idea should be implemented.

Hugs to all of you going through this with your LOs.
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NobodyGetsIt Oct 2020
Dear "Pstracy,"

I am so so sorry about your dad suddenly passing away last month at his ALF. I'm glad you were able to hug your dad. It breaks my heart as I know it has yours that you had to tell your mom through her window. Thankfully, her SNF did bend the rules and brought her outside so you and your dad were able to hug her one last time after not being able to for 7 months.

I feel for your mom - that she is declining as she just sits in her room all day. The lack of activities and not being able to go to the beauty shop is truly a shame. My mom is 95 with Alzheimer's and prior to COVID, I always made sure she had her hair done every other week and colored when it needed it. Now my mom's hair is 3/4 white which was a shock when I saw her. She needs a haircut too - the Activity Director offered but, my mom declined. Also, the director has two rescue dogs and just had a litter of Boston Terrier puppies a couple months ago which she brings to my mom and other residents. My mom used to enjoy reading as well but, doesn't as much anymore.

All I could do is go to Walmart and find a small radio player and had it set to her favorite classical music station. I also bought her a handheld poker game (she's played those for years), got her TV set up and bought some pretty pink artificial flowers. I bring her travel magazines occasionally to look at the pictures.

Just like you, my heart breaks for the families whose loved ones died without any physical touch and basically died alone.

I will be praying for your mom and you - I sure hope something can be done for her to lift her spirit.
God bless you both as you go through the grieving process and a hug to you too!
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We are in New York and there haven't been any visitors allowed at my Mom's SNF since the shutdown in March. There have been changing rules (coming from the State) which started as - you can open after 28 days if there are no positive tests for staff or residents. So, each time someone would test positive, another 28 days was added. After getting a lot of flak about that, the State changed it to 14 days. At the same time, all staff were required to be tested once a week and that's when the positive tests started showing up. Most of the staff were asymptomatic so it wouldn't have been detected without the test. While I'm sad that I can't visit inside, I'm glad these tests are being done because it is the only way of knowing if there's someone who could be spreading the virus without realizing it.

After a number of weeks with staff testing positive, a number of the residents also started testing positive. We were so sad to hear that three of them ended up dying. Since the SNF was not allowing anyone new to be admitted to the facility, these residents got the virus from staff who were asymptomatic - even when being tested. So far we've been lucky that Mom's wing has been spared.

I really wish I could see Mom more than just at her window but, at the same time, I would never want that in lieu of keeping her safe. A few weeks ago, the facility was declared COVID free and I was fully expecting a notice that I could visit. But, last week another staff person tested positive so it's another 14 days......Sigh....
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joelfmi118 Oct 2020
My wife died on May 20th because as you know the assisted living facility were not able to follow protocol and very little PPE and governor Cuomo sent positive patients from Hospital into these nursing home facilities with very little protection for staff and patients.
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency.
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MC facility cleaned 2 small front rooms. I. Scheduled a Sunday visit for 20 minutes
LO in memory care and was in a good mood. It made my day to see a smile instead of complaints. Only one visitor. Which Is good. masks required and 6 feet apart. Best idea yet
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At my dad's skilled nursing facility, there are no in-person visits, only window visits. But I understand that they are doing scheduled outside visits at the assisted living where he used to live. I live in Oregon.
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joelfmi118 Oct 2020
My wife died on May 20th because as you know the assisted living facility were not able to follow protocol and very little PPE and governor Cuomo sent positive patients from Hospital into these nursing home facilities with very little protection for staff and patients.
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency
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We get to visit my mom inside today for 1/2 hour. Had to schedule last week..they have limited slots available. We can visit 2 times a week / max 2 people.. I’m not sure if it’s in her room or a common area. This will be the first time we will be going into the facility. My mom moved there in June and we have never been inside!
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Yes, same here. I was blessed to finally see my mother for 20 minutes, 7-8 feet apart, outside on a patio, masked. Allowed once a week at most, to allow times for other families. We were given 3 morning time slots to choose from. Taking off from work, I saw mom, with dementia, wheelchair and oxygen ( survived covid19). She was busy finally looking at the trees and plants. I guess so, she has been in her room with 2 roommates for months, no activities...I was just another masked person with a muffled voice. She looked at me , but shortly, and back to the trees.
Staff and residents continue to test positive, so no more visits.
I used to visit almost every day, feeding her a banana, homemade fruit juice mix and doing her hair, nails, applying good soothing oatmeal/ coconut lotion on skin, making her smile.
It's frustrating and sad. Staff bringing covid into the building, and spreading it.
Another nursing home a few miles away had 2 cases of covid this year, and families have been able to visit loved ones inside. They get activities.
Lets all stay in touch. Not alone in this. I dont know other families with loved ones in the building to chat with..., so I feel alone.
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I live in the state of Michigan and I’m still not allowed visitation inside the building. For awhile we were able to visit on the patio but that was very short because it is too cold for my mom to set outside. I realize they are trying to keep her safe but I believe she is dying from the isolation. I don’t know why I can’t mask up, gown up and wear gloves to visit with her. She is 93 years old, is hard of hearing and has dementia. I miss her very much😢
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mally1 Oct 2020
You could, but it's all political and the reasons we're being given not only don't always make sense (or work), but aren't the real ones anyway. More and more doctors and other healthcare workers are realizing this and signing onto opposing the lockdowns, masks, and "social distancing".
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The 'cure' is worse than the pandemic.
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AnnReid Oct 2020
Perhaps where you are, but where I am, this is MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE CASE.
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I have not seen my mother since February. I’m constantly being told I cannot enter my mom’s rehab center due to Covid. First there are no cases, then cases. Can’t anyone help us??
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AnnReid Oct 2020
I don’t even know whom to ask for help. The only thing any residential site can do if a case is transmitted, is lockdown, isolate, and disinfect.

Without a strong, clear cut, well managed top to bottom management system, it appears to me this will co to us to go on and on and on.

Medical experts have told us what we should have done and what we should be doing now. I follow CDC guidelines meticulously.

As of now, where I am, the virus always wins. And people who are unwilling to do what might help, don’t care whether we’re grieving or not.

I am so hoping that you can soon embrace your mom. I pray everyday for those of us living this day to day.
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No sign of opening LTC in Kansas. Mom now has advanced Alzheimer's and doesn't know me. It's horrible. She's lonely and thinks she's been forgotten.
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PeeWee57 Oct 2020
I am so sorry to hear that... prayers for you and your mom. It IS horrible.
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Update: I got my visit at MC today. It was in front of a very large picture window and the sound was poor, but I don’t think it mattered. My LO is very severe and not really able to focus on anything. Staff tried, but, she’s too out of it, She can’t hold her head up. She’s not sedated...just sleepy and sort of in a semi vegetative state, It was still good to see her though. You never know when it will be the last time.
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My mom is in Memory Care. They have plexiglass separated masked indoor visits. She has had 2, with other family members, both have been failures. She doesnt understand, the distance and masks make communication difficult and the disruption of her usual schedule....
They allow more relaxed visits outside for the regular assisited living/independent living people.
They are still dragging their feet "preparing " for allowing essential caregivers.
Now, I am careful and I realize they cant depend on everyone to do the same. Other family members may have jobs where they are exposed potentially or kids in school. And god knows, I dont want my mom to be patient zero in an outbreak at the facility.
But there is a loophole, if they have an essential appointment you can take them with you. I had needed to get my mom set up with a local PCP and it was time for yearly physical, get prescriptions. So I took her to the doctor. She got her flu shot and did bloodwork. Then, since she missed lunch, we sat together in my car at Sonic and had a hamburger and conversation. All of which they were ok with.
Now this was legit and necessary.
But I wonder how long before people are saying mom has an "appointment " just to have a visit. At least at the facility they'd have more control,; they need to figure it out.

Now, Im extremely happy about this next part. I went to the Director, ready to plead my case to have a small(<10 people), masked, outdoor gathering at the facility for my Mom's 90th birthday later this month. And she said, how about this idea( and my heart sank) " Why dont you just take your Mom to your house for the party? We will just call it "essential " !!!!!!! Just mask/hand sanitize/social dist.
So party is on! I hope my mom has a good day.
Her mental decline over the past year has been striking, as has her balance and now some incontinence issues. So this permisssion is a blessing since Im dont believe it will be able to do for much longer.
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joelfmi118 Oct 2020
My wife died on May 20th because as you know the assisted living facility were not able to follow protocol and very little PPE and governor Cuomo sent positive patients from Hospital into these nursing home facilities with very little protection for staff and patients.
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency
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