How long does it typically take for 87 year old to adjust to assisted living?

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I just put my father in assisted living10 days ago. I want to make this as easy for him as possible. He has pretty sever dementia and does not seem to realize his condition. He wants to come home of course but that is not negotiable. Can anyone share their experience of this with me?

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Wonderful answers from everyone here. Your dad may take days, weeks or months to adjust. Be there for him, distract him when he complains, bring items from home that are familiar to him - just don't show any sign that you are sorry he's there.

As some others mentioned, you may hear him say repeatedly "I want to go home." That is common and really has little to do with actually going to the home he just left. Some experts think home is more of a state of mind. Others think it's the home from childhood. Whatever "home" means to the person with dementia, going back to where he or she recently came from isn't the answer.

Take care of yourself. Your heart will break at times, but you can help best by being his anchor and reassuring him that he is loved for who he is. Please keep coming back to check in with our community and to let us know how you are doing.
Carol
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All you can do is be there for him. He's going to have to learn to adjust on his own, with the help of the care attendants. Hopefully they are a loving and caring bunch and not there just for the job. Visit him as often as you can, telling him how nice his place is and that your excited for him that he's in a place where he can make new friends and relax and have others do things for him. There's nothing else you can do. You just need to know you did the right thing, for his well being and safety. Hopefully he'll get used to it and actually begin to enjoy it. Bless you and good luck!
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My Mom is going on the same journey in 2 weeks. I am also curious and concerned about the adjustment period. I have heard anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 months. I am hoping for the 3 week one - haha. Good luck and let me know how your journey goes and I will do the same. I am sure there will be tons of "take me home" and "you have shanghaied me," At least that is what I have learned here and from friends. Thick skin helps and remembering they are not the same person. My Mother truly behaves as a 4year old with her demands and need for constant gratification. Hopefully the AL does a better job than I have.
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15 years- most dementia sufferers 'want to go home'. And many of them don't think home is where you most recently moved them from! For my Mom, living in her apt of 6 years, she always wanted to 'go home'. She had her aide walking the complex looking for 'home'. We (eventually) realized she was looking for her childhood home. She had regressed to her late teenage years.

At the Memory care AL we took her to, I never heard her ask me to 'go home' But many of the other residents had this as their mantra upon move in. Eventually it becomes a nonissue. The (well trained) aides at this facility used diversion tactics. The bus is stuck in traffic, etc. They almost always worked. Just try to get Dad off the topic. (We'll talk about it later, etc). Visit often and when you are leaving it is to go to an appointment, beauty parlor, your doctor,volunteer assignment, etc. That way they don't feel abandoned.
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Yes, 3-6 months is typical time period for most adjustment to change. But that is in the best of mental health. So not to be a downer, it could take longer. Or maybe never. But just set your expectations realistically and go in knowing it might be a difficult time for both of you. Put on your thick skin and try to let any accusatory comments roll off. Not easy as we tend to take things personally. But you are doing the right thing. Just keep an eye on things, visit as you can and let the staff take care of his needs. Wish you and him the best. It is hard, I know.
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It has taken my Mom almost a year to finally get comfortable being in an assisted living facility. When I first placed my Mom I didn't visit her for about 3 weeks. In those first 3 weeks I received calls daily from my mom chewing me out for putting her there. I developed a very thick skin quickly. I knew it was the right thing for me to do but it didn't hurt any less knowing that. It really is a better life for my Mom and I know she is safe and well taken care of. Expect some bumps along the way and just stay strong!
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My wife will be going into a facility next month and I dread it, and how long it may take her to adapt. We moved to our present home almost three years ago and to this day she does not associate this house with home. She asks permission to enter by the front door or to go into any room. She will not stay inside the house by herself. Thus, currently she has no home and she has unfortunately built her life around me instead. That's going to be rough when I'm not there.
You may be fortunate that your father is clinging to a place instead of a person. There are ways to get people to transfer their attachments to places; I think it's worse to be attached to people! For your dad, bring him anything that makes him feel at home -- a picture from the wall, a family scrapbook, whatever articles from home that he's familiar with (such as his alarm clock, a certain blanket, a knick-knack, even a bedside lamp from the house if it's permitted). When we travel, don't we miss those things? I'm sure he does, too.
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I moved Dad to a CBRF facility 3 weeks ago. Prior to that me lived with me for 4 months after mom passed away. He called the first evening
and my sos and I went over calmed him down he also calked a week later but since then no talk of going home. He lives fairly close to me so I can see him fairly often. It is a new place so only about a third full which I think when it is at full occupancy he will like it better.
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My 94 year old Mom has been in assisted living for three years, and Always wants to "go home". Does not realize her limitations, and need for assistance with everyday needs. She is still very angry with me, but I have developed a "thicker skin", so it does not upset me as much. The guilt I felt was unbearable!! Always surprised to hear about those who adjust in a few months. I know my Mom will Never accept her new living environment....
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My mom has been in LiveWell in Margate Fla now for 4 months. She keeps saying that she wishes she could complain but cannot. When she was home she really did nothing. Now she is playing Mah Jong, Bingo, black jack. They go for lunch once/week, Walmart, Thrift stores. Her only issue is the money. I am so happy she is content. Only problem is - it is in Fla. She has noone down there. But she is quite verbal and clear headed. If she was demented that would be another story.
Good luck.
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