Any way or thing to help my father understand I am his rep payee for social security and veteran benefits?

I suppose you could show him the paperwork, but, if he has dementia, it will likely not help. From my experience, explaining, reasoning and trying to clear things just doesn't work. Maybe others here will chime in with some kind of idea, but it's just not common for a person who has lost the cognitive ability to suddenly become reasonable.

From my experience with similar situations, I would just try to keep it short and direct. When questioned, I would say that I have handled the matter and its been taken care of. I wouldn't bring up complicated concepts like reimbursement. That concept is obviously something he doesn't get. You aren't likely to convince him that he doesn't need $300.00 in cash in his pocket. I'd come up with a solid answer and keep repeating it. Long explanations don't normally work and even if they did, he would likely forget it, so you'll have to repeat it over and over. Can you give him a prepaid credit card with $10.00 on it and let him think he can use that if needed?

I would discuss it with his doctor. False accusations against family is quite common. Sometimes this is a stage though and it might not last indefinitely. If he's overly anxious, medication might help bring him some peace of mind.

Sorry that I don't have better news, but often the great relationship is not possible due to the mental decline. It's no one's fault. It's just a result of the mental decline, so insults have to be endured.

He could be demanding a lot of cash for any or no reason. My cousin used to ask for cash because she wanted to give it to other residents in the Assisted Living so they could buy cigarettes. I would give her a few dollars to buy treats from the machines, but she would lose it or give it away, so I just started taking her the treats myself.

You are going to have to develop a thicker skin with his insults. Each adult "child" wants to revert back to childhood when their parents issue an insult or command. With dementia all money decisions should be handled by someone who is competent. Try telling him he is incompetent and you are making sure his money lasts as long as he does. When he argues, walk away. Dementia patients are like drunks. DO NOT try and argue with them because you won't win. Just do the best you can, and congratulations on getting social security on your side!

My father has done many of the things you described including the need to have $300 in his pocket. I think the cash in pocket is a security thing filtered through his mental state. All you can do is make certain you keep your ducks lined up maintaining his finances in a clearly organized manner that shows where the money goes. If you use your own money document it, whether it is ever reimbursed or not. Do not leave anything vague. You will forget and not be crystal clear if ever you are asked about something. I do not talk about finances with my father unless I have a reason for him to be involved. Out of sight out of mind. When I do bring it up I am careful abut the words I use. There is no need to explain everything. Too much information invites confusion and suspicion.

Try Amazon. They have fake money that closely resembles real money, better than Monopoly money. Also check into Ativan, an antipsychotic that will calm down your dad mentally. Many clients I've had takes it successfully. Old age and mood enhancers mostly go hand in hand I have seen.

You need to see this as a symptom. He's agitated and anxious around the issue of money. Get him to his doctor or if you have acces to one, a geriatric psychiatrist. As far as i know, Ativan is an anti anxiety med and not an antipsychotic. Some antidepressants also help with anxiety and rumination.

I wouldn't let him have $300 in his pocket because it could be stolen. Is he able to count the money and know how much he has? If he just feels he needs a "wad" of cash, can you give him $30.00 in 1 dollar bills?

I went through this with my mom. She was always very independent and handled her own money. When she started exhibiting signs of dementia (Alzheimer's) I noticed she was losing her debit card a lot and it took me a long time to get her convinced to let me keep it in my wallet with mine so she would always know where it was. When she would go to spend the weekend with my other siblings, I would make sure she had money in her purse. It would always get lost. I'm still cleaning out her bedroom in my house (she passed away in April) and I'm sure I'll probably find some of the missing money because she was hiding everything. I stopped giving it to her and would give it to my sister or my niece that she was staying with that weekend. If they went to a store, I wanted her to have money if she saw something she wanted. Of course, she accused me of things that I know she never would have said if it weren't for the disease. I know for me, I spent a lot of time trying to explain things to her and getting upset when she would say those mean things to me. Now, I wish I had just taken the time to just assure her that she knows me and she knows I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and just hug her. I think that would have gone a lot farther than trying to explain things over and over. As this process goes on, they just can't understand those things anymore and they're just scared about everything. The disease makes them think that everyone is out to get them, even though they know deep down that you're the one loving and helping as much as you can. As long as you're doing what's right for your dad and you're doing your best to take care of him, try not to let the things he says upset you. I know that's easy to say and hard to actually do. He still loves you, he just cannot help what's happening to him right now. I had to just ask God to give me strength and help me not to let my emotions take over, because it's only human to react when someone you love is accusing you of something you're not doing. Just remember he can't help what's happening to him. Just be there for him and take care of him and show him lots and lots of love and hugs and reassurance. That's what he needs.

What does your dad do with the $300 you give him? Where is he spending it? That's my first question.

Can you just give him a nice, new shiny $20 and see if that will satisfy him? Other than that, I have no ideas...sorry!

Sunnygirl, Your actual experience about your cousin's use of the money you gave her was eye-opening, and helpful. You responded with a practical, wise solution: you BROUGHT the treats: no money needed! Yours was a helpful response. I also like the $10.00(?) gift card idea.