Follow
Share

I am a caregiver for my father, 89 years old with dementia who is in an assisted living home. Dad is struggling, depressed, and sometimes angry. I am the only person who is authorized to see dad, in his home apartment by Dr.’s orders, due to COVID and the fact that I am close. I was seeing a counselor who reminded me that I need to take care of myself. Unfortunately, due to my own depression and emotional response to visiting dad I find it difficult to exercise, and often just feel like taking a long nap after his visits. I also find myself resorting to eating extra food at the end of the day. It seems so easy, right? You need to find diversions for yourself during the time you’re not with them, get interested in projects or things that you could do around your home - I’m retired so those are options. You need to exercise, and get enough sleep. Maybe yoga or meditation will help. But I just find myself lacking energy to do pretty much anything. How are YOU “taking care of yourselves?”

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
My first thought is if your dad is taking a med to help with his depression and anger. Zoloft was a huge help to my dad. Getting your dad treatment for this may help. And you’re right, it’s easy to get down after these visits. More than a few times I’d eat junk food after being with my parents, I loved them and wanted to be involved in their care, but it also seemed overwhelming and just sad a lot of the time. You know the answers, you typed them out, now find out why you can’t act on them, a good question for your counselor. Is your medical evaluation up to date? I had to force some changes, walking daily, eating better—specifically, with few exceptions I no longer eat after 6pm until the next day, a big help getting focused on things other than food, and spending time only with people who are positive and encouraging, Life truly is short, I hope you find a new pattern and enjoy it
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Louise315 Apr 2021
Dad is on an antidepressant - he takes lexapro. I have been walking several times a week, and I try to take time for me - and sometimes fall short there as well. I like the idea of ending eating at 6 pm. I have done this before, and it's a good way to get a more restful nights sleep.
(0)
Report
It sounds like you(when you say that you lack energy to do pretty much anything) and your dad don't have your depression under control. There are so many different medications to help with that, that it might be time to talk to both your Dr's to see about increasing the dose, adding another to the existing or changing them all together. And perhaps going back to see a counselor or therapist might be in order for you as well. Life is too short to live it in misery. There is much joy to be found, but when depression is in the way, it's hard to find it.

I was a caregiver for my husband for many, many years in our home, and it was very hard and exhausting. I had to learn the hard way that I was just as important to take care of as he was. I joined a local caregiver support group, which used to meet in person before Covid, and now meets on Zoom, and that was a life saver for sure. I also made time with my friends to go shopping, out for lunch or supper, took walks around my neighborhood, went to church, or just sat outside on my patio with a glass a wine to enjoy the scenery. I made sure that I had "me" time, and that was so very helpful in reenergizing me so I could continue on my journey with my husband. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it has to be something.

My husband is gone now, just like your dad will be gone some day, so please try and make the best of your visits, and look for the positive, as there will come a day when you will wish that you had just one more day with him. God bless you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Louise315 Apr 2021
Thank you for your kind words. I like the idea of joining a caregiver support group, and may seek out something like this. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. It sounds like he had a gem with you for a wife!
(0)
Report
Please continue to see a therapist. Look into meds for your dad for his emotions. My mom is taking Seroquel and I see a big difference in her behavior.

Of course, you want to be there for your dad. You are equally as important. Do make time to see your friends. Take walks if you don't feel like hitting the gym or even just window shop at the mall.

I suppose that everyone handles exhaustion and stress differently. I do the opposite. If I am stressed or exhausted, I don't eat. I know that isn't healthy but I lose my appetite.

I hope you will find ways to relax and enjoy some time for yourself. One thing that I enjoy is listening to music. Take a walk while listening to music on your phone.

I also like to make jewelry or sew. Don't do giant projects. Even just an hour doing something enjoyable is a break.

Best wishes to you and your dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Louise315 Apr 2021
Dad was prescribed seroquel as well after he had COVID, and unfortunately it actually enhanced his delusional behaviors. He's off it now and much better. He's also taking an antidepressant, which will take a while to kick in, but he's having better days now, and I think it may be helping. Thanks for your suggestions - I was a bit down when I typed this, so it may have seemed like I was worse than I am. I do walk a full hour 2 - 3 times a week, and do work-outs on alternate days, but sometimes I fall short as well. I'm definitely getting outside more now that spring is here - and it's a great diversion to work in my garden!
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter