My husband was a terrible alcoholic and died of liver failure. I loved him but he made my life miserable. When he passed, I was relieved that I did not have to deal with that anymore.
My Mother who was my best friend was also my worst critique. She nagged and nagged and nagged at me every day, but yet at the same time should would do anything for me. I miss her but then again I don't. I am relieved that I do not have to deal with the constant nagging anymore but I do miss her yet I feel I should be devastated by her loss but I am not. What is wrong with me?
I am feeling so guilty that I am this terrible person. How can one lose a husband and a mother and not be depressed? Am I such a cold hearted person? I do not understand why these losses are not effecting me in the usual way. Its like I don't care but I really do. Has anyone else experienced this?
We are human beings. We aren't saints. Saints get shot full of arrows and then spend eternity having to listen to the whining prayers of all of us on earth, trying to "fix it all" for us. Not a good job description. Don't apply.
Ultimately we hopefully grow to a point where we understand that we as humans are very imperfect. Likely your "not so loved" ones have some peace now. You have two chances for family. The one you are born to and the one you make. Make another family, whether friends or loved ones, and make their lives and your own as grand as you are able. Wishing you good luck.