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Husband and I are downsizing...and I am anticipating stress on both sides. We also are caring for my mom...and have all her stuff too!

Steps you have found to make this easier?

If you have done it and survived - please let me know!

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So we have connected with a professional organizer who will come and work with us once a week or every other week and give us assignments to do before she returns. She has some good ideas and provides a non-judgemental person to spur us on.

One of the biggest suggestions was to clear out the garage first so that we would have a place to sort and stage for trash runs and pickups to go to Donation places. Also start by labeling all the big stuff...keep, sell, donate or who wants it....great idea!
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Dear Anita - I am truly sorry to read about your situation. Has your husband told you why he is hesitant to down-size? Could he be too overwhelmed by his diagnosis and/or depressed to consider this transition?
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Hi Glass - I've only done this during a divorce and when you're moving from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 br apt - some things are obvious & fall into the 'garage sale' or 'free' to drive-byes categories. I put things out on the curb marked 'free' and they would disappear in no-time.

And it kinda depends on how much time you have before you need to vacate. Once again - in a divorce; time is usually of the essence. That's about the only thing that is. So all paperwork went into boxes to be sorted through AFTER the move because I didn't want to throw out anything important by mistake.

I also used "Sendme's" tactic of pizza or Taco Bell and wine and spent a couple hours each day/night packing and labeling boxes. Oh - jewelry and other prized (small) objects should be taken with you in the car, or shipped ahead; never included in the regular cargo. And if you plan to use a commercial moving company - they ask you to label your boxes. That's fine, but some of my more expensive items that I couldn't take with me, weren't labeled 'silverware' etc.... In fact - I labeled them 'bathroom' just in case they got 'lost in transit'.
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Great idea about the sorting to make life easier later. I don't have that option everything must go and I'm not bringingit here. My sister has been gone 20 yrs and her stuff is still there. Nephew moved in andhe isa horder.
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Having dealt with the surplus bedding, etc., I've moved on to the harder stuff. My mother has been watching verrrry closely so I'm currently not trying to get rid of things. Instead, I'm sorting and classifying stuff, and, when possible (surplus glassware, surplus saved-Christmas-cards-from-the-last-decade, etc.) packing it in carefully labelled boxes. If she asks where it is, I can assure her it's in the closet, in the attic, in the garageetc. Yeah, it's occupying way too much space, but at least I don't have to dust it if it's in a box. And when the estate sale inevitably happens, things will already be pre-classified. I'm reminding myself (thanks, previous posters) that this isn't about me. If she wants six chests, desks and tables in a space made for three, and they can all be jammed in there, it's still her house. One of the handymen I had in right after I got here hit the nail on the head: I was sort of apologizing for the crowded mess and he said, rather sweetly, "It just looks like a grandmother's house."
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I had a neighbor who was moving near her daughter. The daughter had her brother and her children come in and choose what they wanted. (brother had no children) She she wrote the names on post it notes and labeled each item. Then the person came and took the stuff. My brother agrees with me throw out or give away.
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While my mother was living with my husband and I, we were still keeping her house up and still paying her bills for a year and a half. Now, we have moved her into ALF and my brother has finally resolved, albeit slowly, to sell her house to use for monthly ALF payments. I have been trying to clean out her house to get ready for real estate intervention, and, I started in the back where the bedrooms are, and am moving room by room toward the front of the house. We are talking about 51 years of stuff. Not being the sentimental type, and, having her assure me (in her weird way) that she doesn't "care about the house or anything in it", I have had no problem filling up trash bags and taking pickup loads to the county dump. If it is something that no one has used in years, it's gone. My brother and I have kept antique furniture between us. One niece is taking the piano, another is taking the sewing machine. Another cousin and my aunt want something, too, so that helps. Good luck with your downsizing. It can be very stressful, but, worth it when the house finally sells.
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Salvation army has a list of what they feel donations are worrth. http://satruck.org/donation-value-guide
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There actually is a profession for this topic. It the called the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM). They deal with this dilemma as their business. It does take time, cooperation and determination. It is best to do this now before it becomes a crisis. Be proactive and things will be much easier. Google senior move managers on the web and you will find a lot of valuable information and professionals that can help you through it.

Just start - maybe the easiest room first so you get some momentum going. While "things" bring out memories of times that once were, they are not the memory. Start a journal of memories as you go through things, take pictures, condense things like old ties into a art piece to hang on the wall. Be creative.

For deciding on things, ask yourself do you LOVE it? Is it useful NOW? Otherwise, donate it to your favorite charity. Don't keep it "just in case". Make the tough decisions now. You will feel much better that YOU decided what is important to you instead of someone coming in and in haste - deciding for you. It can be done :) One step, one room, one decision at a time. Don't wait.
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Maggie just won't LEAVE this thread.

I hated to throw my "keeper greeting cards" away. You know the ones I'm talking about 'cause you have them, too. Soooo, I cut out a little something from every card...sometimes part of the signature -- or the artwork -- bought a framed poster board for under $10 that had a light clear plastic 'cover' and glued all the little loving bits and pieces helter skelter. It's hanging in our bedroom. We feel surrounded by love! And 100 plus cards got thrown out.
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I have downsized my personal belongings, but I can't get husband to do the same. We need to move to assisted living. I am becoming more crippled every day because of spondylitis and he has LBD. How can I convince him to downsize while he still can??
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That is why I want to do this now. i do not want my kids to have to do this after we are gone...enough is enough.

OOh I like the idea of labeling and giving the family stuff away ASAP...why wait for "when mother dies" if she has already decided who will get what.

Yes, time for an alternative plan...not boxes from attic...you don't need a broken hip or worse!
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Someone had mentioned to downsize while you are physically able to do so.... wished my Dad would have done that.

Every year for the past 5 years Dad will ask me to go up into the attic over the garage to bring down old boxes of stuff.... I refuse.... mine you there are no pull-down stairs, one has to bring over a large extension ladder and pull ones self up into the hole in the ceiling... earth to Dad, I am 68 years old, I would probably kill myself in the process.... oh but he wants that stuff in the attic :P

Stuff is still in the attic and Dad refuses to hire anyone.
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I am about to embark on this myself, so I will be sure to read all the suggestions. So far, I have seen some great ideas. Thank you. I got a chuckle Freqflyer about your dad's old notebooks. We have some of that around here too!

My mom is a super manana type, so it has taken pulling teeth to get her on board. To preempt a possible disaster, I did an inventory of the household items I thought we should keep in the family, and Mom allocated who should get what and that has been attached to her just-updated will. So if she should pass away before we complete the downsizing process, which is not something we expect to happen but 'you never know', at least I can hand over boxes of stuff to each respective recipient and then those items can become their problem, leaving me to dispose of mostly stuff that can be disposed of as trash or recycled/donated goods.

Most of all, I think it is critical to have a plan for the family archive of old photos, documents, etc. Websites like eBay and Etsy are flooded with old family photos that have now become displaced from the original families. I find this extremely sad to see. Not long ago I came across a beautiful thick photo album that probably dated back to late 1800s/early 1900s of some family that had emigrated to the US from Hungary. It was an incredible chronicle of someone's family history and there it was sitting in a thrift store with no identifying marks. At the end of the day, a family's archives are what really matter most (in my opinion), especially to future generations. Most everything else is replaceable.
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Yes and then we need to make a system to not keep any new stuff (envelopes, mail, magazines - no magazines may cross the threshhold!) in the new place.

As we begin to list the items we really want...the list is small. How sad. We both have specific "family" items that mean something and we have uses for...but that is limited. Someone earlier had suggested purge it all and get the few new items you need! I agree.

Who wants to be using the old crappy towels and sheets...the local animal shelter will be very happy. Old pillows - YUCKY - not going anywhere but dumpster....good idea about working on categories as well as the idea of a room at a time. We are plunging in...pray for us. Our New place will only have 1000 sq ft vs. the 2500 plus basement and garage we have had for 30+ years (oh my!). But at least we are talking and doing this together.

I am sending my brother two boxes from our childhood. And my sister has gotten a few as well. Some gems that have already been discovered: two original paintings by my grandmother. Painted during WWII. I plan to make color copies for siblings and grandchildren and frame original. Picture of my Grandfather who passed away when my mom was 15. I have never seen his picture...mom is very happy I found it. Many trips to dumpster and Good Will...

Is there a Patron Saint for Downsizers?

Has anyone figured an easy way to make list of items donated to capture the amount of the donation??? seems daunting...
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realtime, smart, smart, smart!
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M.y mom has been pretty good about not accumulating stuff, always puts a bag out for the Vets to pick up, and she even still throws out all food in her frige about 1x month, before wiping all shelves down. I wish I could be so disciplened. Maybe I will turn over a new leaf! But seriously, if you never do a periodic purge, some day you will have a HUGE purge to do. So maybe we all should take an hour a week, turn on that nice music and purge the garbage, the un-used clothes, the stacks of magazines, and avoid a downsizing S
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Thanks for all of the ideas and good wishes. I know this will be a challenge but we will face it together. One good thing is we have time and a new place to move to...as our son wants the house minus all our stuff.

I like the idea of using music. Also doing a category at a time. We are going to talk with a personal organizer next week and see if we can get some ideas.
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My husband and myself needed to move into an Assisted Living facility. We decided on what we needed (not wanted) had the children take what they wanted and then had an estate sale. The trick is to realize that you are going into another faze of your life and accept that gracefully. We then had the estate sale and sold $5,000 of our things. The company took 35% of that $5,000. It was well worth it. Don't try to do it yourself. If you try to do it yourself you will be back tracking, saying, "oh, I don't want to get rid of that." We left our house and allowed the company to display our things in a very orderly way. I was shocked with how much was sold, we didn't really think we had that much. We are settled into our little apartment and very happy. We have to accept our station in life and be willing to move forward. Remember, you can't take it with you upon your death. Wishing you the best and God's blessings. Jharpist
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I have cleaned out for MIL, me and now my Mom. I find doing one room at a time works for me. If more than person helping, each takes a room. I start with getting rid of trash. Old magazines, papers, cards,etc. Then i start putting like things together. I found pictures all over Moms. Now they are all in her bedroom until I have time to sort thru. When I got rid of the trash I started going thru to see what I could get rid of. If I hadn't used it in over 10 yrs I wasn't going to. In my MILs case she had lids to rubbermaid in one cabinet and the containers in another. So I matched everything up and thru out anything that didn't have a mate. Years ago I stopped all magazines but if you r keeping thoseold ones, get rid of. After all is done I go thru again and to see if there is something I feel I can get rid of. I give everything away. I don't do well with yard sales so these are too much trouble for me.
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Oops! That last part was supposed to be deleted. It is part of a quote from my book. Barb
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When my mother passed away, my brother and I went to Florida, disposed of and allocated her belongings, had a get-together with her friends, flew to Ohio and had a ceremony for the burial of her ashes--all within the period of one week. My mother had already downsized and had also organized all her legal information. My brother, the executor of her estate, said, "All I had to do was connect the dots."

I mentioned to my husband afterward that he and his siblings should help his widowed mother do the same. Her Florida condominium contained many collections of "things" amassed over the decades during my father-in-law's military career. This was not done, however, as the family's approach was “There’s always mañana.”

When the time came that my mother-in-law could no longer live independently in her condo, she moved to our community in Pennsylvania. My husband had EVERYTHING moved up to go into her apartment and into storage. It then became the children's job to clean out and distribute her belongings, which they did according to her wishes. It was, however, a complicated and tedious job. Whenever my mother-in-law missed anything she would say to me, "Whatever happened to that?"

When my mother-in-law needed full time assistance with her daily life, she moved into our home--again with all her remaining belongings. After she passed away, the job of allocating and disposing of "things" fell on her children again.

I have pledged not to do this to my own children, and have taken the following steps: 1) We have cleaned out, organized, and downsized our belongings; 2) I have mounted all the pictures into albums; 3) I have made an inventory of belongings and insisted that my children indicate what they are interested in having; 4) We have gotten our will and directives in order; 5) I have made it abundantly clear what my wishes are in regard to death and dying.

I also have written a book, "What to Do about Mama?" and have a Word Press blog by the same name. There are three blog posts that specifically address your question: It Pays to Prepare; Processing the Pictures; and Belongings. (These three posts are also linked to other blogs on the same topics.)
Barbara




She left the daunting task of downsizing and distributing her belongings to her children—a process that happened several times as her circumstances changed. Although she hadn’t planned to be involved in the dissemination of her mother-in-law’s belongings, BGM found it much easier that the majority of her possessions had been moved out of their house before she passed away.
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Oops accidentally sent previous.... 10 years later still don't know what's in them. Maybe consult professional organizer. Also, have you tried having someone go thru your stuff while you go thru theirs? That will put things in perspective. GOOD LUCK and consider that Valium recommended earlier ;)
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Watch a few episodes of "Hoarders" before you start. Learn wants from needs. Get rid of garbage or unused items first. Any dishes with 17 yrs worth of caked on grease and dust were not kept. Same with "work" clothes 13 yrs post retirement. Clearly not used. Drugs no longer taking or expired (some in 1997). Same with food in freezer. I threw out boxes of keepsakes (?) without looking inside. 10 years later
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If your mom is living with you, then she would need her personal belongings and what ever item she finds sentimental such as photos. If she has a favorite chair that can go with you as well. Look at the size of home you'll be moving into, take your favorites. Make a donate pile, one pile for trash then the third is for must have, your favorites. Think about your lifestyle, take only the basics. It's not always easy to do it, good luck.
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I'm back to say how I live now -- since my downsize. Maybe some will find it helpful.

I have one set of sheets for each bed. Two towels for Tom and two for me. When I get tired of any of these linens, I donate them and buy new ones. My linen closet is close to empty -- certainly no linens to be found.

I keep a king-sized plastic bag in the hall closet for donations. I give away any clothes I haven't worn in a year. Am ruthless about donating things I don't use. I've convinced myself that hanging on to things I don't use is either a form of hoarding or a form of greed. So out it goes.

I think I might describe myself as a minimalist. Five years before mom passed, I did the same at her house. I was unaware until that time that, although mom wasn't a shopper, she sure never threw anything away.
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For keepsakes, take a photo of the item, then you can give it away. So, why can't I get rid of my first baseman's mitt now that I am 78 years old?
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My husband and I are just starting to prepare for this in about a year. We've been exploring over 55 communities and have found a number of good options. We are going to be downsizing from a 5 bedroom house with an in-law suite, approx. 2,400 sq ft to about 1,800 to 2,000 sq ft. Doesn't sound like much but with the different layouts, more difficult than it would seem. All of these suggestions are excellent (especially the take, donate, trash) ones and I can definitely relate to the difference in our generations' sentimentality to our kids lack thereof (which will apparently serve them well when they are in our shoes!). Complicating matters right now is that we are also working on moving my mother into AL but she is only moving from a one bedroom apartment and she is a minimalist at heart so her situation is actually manageable in my book. Good luck to everyone going through this with us!
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Do it while you are physically able! I have RA which is mostly under control, but Osteoarthitis has hit me hard in the year and a half since I moved my mother in with me. I still have boxes of her 'special' decorative items never unpacked that I thought I'd be able to go through. (She was overwhelmed and couldn't make decisions). They are upstairs in a storage closet, and stairs are my enemy. I apologize to her about it, but she doesn't miss the stuff! Should have gotten rid of it before she moved. Now it is harder to get to and my energy level is diminished. I am trying to weed out my things so my kids don't have to deal with my junk. But it is hard. Excellend suggestions to set aside (or label) the few special 'keepers' and known the rest can go. Yes to recycle any way you can. I cringe when I see the word Dumpster.
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Moving Mom close to me..what time is everyone coming over ? p.s. you can take it all!
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