How do you maintain sanity?

It is sounding as though the 24/7 care is becoming too much and it is time to consider some placement. Even there so much depends on the financial. Use your Mom's assets for her care now, keep careful records. To be frank, this cannot always be done at home, and you may be coming to know that it is not for you. I wish you luck. It is confusing and frustrating in every single aspect of care in our country. So hard. Good luck.

I can't speak to the Medicare angle but when I had to find things for my MIL w dementia, I found a lot of stuff cheap on craigslist or a local intranet called Next-door.com or a local charity or church. You mom's mood might be worsening due to age-related brain changes. If you haven't already done this, go with her on next doc appt and have them assess her cognitive skills. This will at least show you that she may not be able to control how she is treating you and it will be "easier" to ignore it. Wishing you peace and solutions.

Don’t worry, we all tend to get a little snarky back at our loved ones at times. It’s a natural reaction to the stress we’re feeling.
I know it’s cliched, but try to take it one day at a time. That’s the way I survive caring for my wife who can be very good some days and just awful other days.

Medicare is weird. There r requirements that are needed to get certain items. If u have gotten one thing from them, you can't get another. Had a clients wife that had it all figured out. So she would borrow things from our loan closet that she knew she would not need long.

Not sure if anyone can help with this. Call ur Office of Aging and see if they can help.

There is a loan closet in our area where we 'borrowed' things like a lift chair, wheel chair, walker, etc. for our Mom. Hopefully there is one in your area. A local nursing home or aging agency may help in finding one.
Yes this is frustrating and there are no magic answers, especially when they are only on Medicare.
Our father is currently on hospice and it is free to have them evaluated for this. Her doctor can tell you if this is even remotely possible but it may pay for supplies and a volunteer who can regularly stop by. An aunt has been on and off hospice several times but this has helped while she has had it.
Check into a county case worker for her. This person should be able to let you know what she qualifies for and whether she would qualify better for assistance if she was not living with you.
A lot of work on top of what you are already doing but hopefully some help in the long run.
Many blessing to you for taking this on. You are a special person.

This was our exact situation w/ my MIL just a few short months ago. Caregivers were costing upwards of $20,000 per year & she did not qualify for Medicaid, etc.
As my husband is still working full time & my SIL lives in Georgia ( we are in NJ as is my MIL ) & I’m a retired nurse ...it ALL fell on me.
Finally, I just said enough is enough! I did NOT retire ( esp. from nursing!) to keep on doing same thing & unpaid no less! Selfish? Perhaps ...but fact is fact!
We searched & searched till we found a lovely reasonably priced Assisted Living facility just miles from her former home. In NJ quite the feat to find a financially conducive solution!

Yes, she is paying out of pocket( till she spends down her money & Medicaid kicks in) but w/ deducting her living expenses @ home ( including the Aid) really Just dollars more & peace of mind for everyone!

Was it easy ....NO! The decision alone was difficult...& the handling of finances & closing up her home ....nightmarish @ times! BUT all worth it!

There have been few bumps in the road ( sometimes she accuses us, esp. my husband) of having stolen her “stuff” but in general she has adjusted rather well.

She goes to all the activities...things she would never be able to do @ home. She will turn 94 in Sept. & this is best & safest solution for her at this time.

I recommend it highly. Sounds like a family meeting needs to be called w/ your family ASAP!

Best of luck! Keep us posted and remember to take of others one MUST take care of oneself first!

Hang in there! Find a support group in your area. It's been a life saver for me to hear others in a similar place. Also, maybe find a medicaid planner, that might help guide you to help with eligibility requirements. The one I met made recommendations and her fee was just under $100, so less than a lawyer. My mother's finances were simple otherwise I would have consulted an attorney. Pulling in volunteers from family some times works wonderfully, sometimes not. Getting cameras for monitoring is my next step for hours no one can be home and she is relatively safe alone.

Adult day care. Cost effective, meals provided and it gets her out of the house with activities in a safe environment. Most centers will have some therapies available too (PT, OT, SLP). Many adults will fight this initially but are comfortable once they start. There is better supervision and support than at a senior center, but that is also an alternative if she won't try to leave on her own.

I suggest you look into an Adult Day Program. These programs will often times pick up the client in their van around 6:30 or 7:00 am and provide service for them and bring them back home until 6:00 pm. They are much cheaper than home care. Here in Missouri it runs around $90.00 to $120.00 for the day and some of the Adult Day Programs you can only have your loved one attend half a day. You can choose how often they attend. I believe that these programs are the "best kept secrete" in the health care industry.

Would establishing a pooled trust be an option to make her eligible for Medicaid?