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She is 81 yeas old. I have someone there from noon to 5 pm to be a companion, make sure she eats lunch and dinner, do light housekeeping and laundry and take her to store or lab appts. She usually stays in bed until about 10 am reading. then gets up, bathes herself and dresses herself. about 5 when the caregiver is getting ready to leave she usually puts on het pjs and gets ready for bed. she spends almost all her time in her room sitting in her bed listening to books on tape or watching TV. She started falling down and doesnt know how or when but has a lump on her forhead and she feel down at senior excercise the other day. I manage all her bills and run her home and take her to all Dr. appts and manage all that, she can no longer drive, use online services or email, she has a raz memory phone. Debating round the clock care at home or assisted living.

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24/7 care will be eye-wateringly expensive, maybe costing even more than a good facility. The agreement I have with my 96-yr old Mom (who lives much like your Mom, but next door to me) is that she will need a facility when either she is no longer safe in her home or I am overwhelmed by her care. She doesn't like the thought of a facility but the caregiving needs to accommdate the caregiver.

I would discretely visit some facilities, figure out if she's appropriate in AL or MC, and then figure out how/if she can pay for it. Make sure you look at only places that have Medicaid beds, and that you know how and when Medicaid can be applied for in your Mom's home state.

Then, you ay wish to tell her a therapeutic fib that she needs to go to a "rehab residence for a while" to address her balance issues. Her falling is never going to stop in a facility since there's no way to prevent residents from getting up out of chairs or beds, If they don't remember to use a walker, or refuse, there's not much anyone can do. Just have tempered expectations.

I wish you success in finding the right care arrangement for the both of you.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You probably don't want my answer...
I am of the belief that when a person is diagnosed with any form of dementia they should not be living alone.
You NEVER know what is going to happen, when there will be a sharp decline, When will they begin to wander, when they will leave the water on, when they will "fiddle" with the heat, the stove or answer the door or phone to someone looking to scam or rob them.
Your LO is falling and has no clue as to how, where, when.
What would happen if she fell shortly after the caregiver left and could not get up and was not found until noon the next day.
What would happen if she decided to go get the mail and wandered off and was not "missed" until late the next day?
If she can afford 24/7 caregivers obviously that is the ideal situation as long as the house is such that she will still be able to manage once she is having to use a wheelchair or the caregivers have to use a Hoyer to transfer her. And do you have a bathroom large enough for at least 2 or 3 people?
If a facility placement is what you decide upon skip the AL and go to MC. If she can manage AL now in 6 months maybe more or fewer she may have to move again to MC.
If there is the possibility that she may have to apply for Medicaid select a facility that will accept Medicaid you do not want to have to look for another facility.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Can she afford in-home round the clock care? If not, it's time for her to be placed in a nursing home.
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Reply to Caregiveronce
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Mother should not be living alone anymore with AD. It's past time for placement or 24/7 in home care.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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This is so HARD. I have a very similar situation. I think about quality of life and how assisted living provides social contact and safety. So I took my elder to a few assisted living facilities for a lunch and a tour. "This isn't so bad." What a relief. We are now planning a move and making weekly lunch visits. This was shear luck I figured this out.
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Reply to Violet2016
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I think you should now increase your at home care. Maybe extend to late time. Something like 8am-10pm. Or 24 hour live in. Keep her at home. Removing her out of her familiar place of living will cause her to prematurely deteriorate. As her needs change you will need to be flexible and change. Everyone is so quick to move them to AL or Memory Care and it doesn't have to be so intense and permanent. If you can do everything you can to have her age in place. Hope it helps. Good luck.
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Reply to KellyGirl71
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TiredandTrying Dec 11, 2025
Just curious. How much does 24 hour live in care cost in your area? In our area it is over a thousand dollars per 24 hour period.
One week at home is equal to about a month at most care facilities in my area (depending on care needs).
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When it got to the point where my mom couldn't be in her own home safely, I compared at home care vs placement in a 24hr memory care..to have help at home from 3pm to 11pm, and 11pm to 7 am. I was willing to be on " duty" for the 7am to 3pm " shift" ..being aware that it was still going to be 7 days a week, and if the scheduled home care aide didn't show, or called in( which does happen and agency doesn't always have a replacement) i would be the replacement....the cost of 24hr placement in memory care was 1/2 the price of Part time home care...it was such a hard decision to make, but mom ended up in memory care. It was an emotional adjustment for all...mom still had falls, she struggled with fear, anxiety, anger. It was emotionally draining..BUT, as her caregiver of almost 4yrs i was finally able to take care of myself. I could sleep for more than a couple hours a night knowing mom wasn't wandering out of the house or fiddling with the knobs on the stove. She stayed in MC for 8 months until she declined to needing more assistance with feeding, walking, bathing etc..she is 93 and now in a wonderful skilled nursing facility . She is clean, comfortable, fed and mist days , with the help of medication she is " happy", interacts with staff and family.. the money from sale of her house is going towards her care, but won't last long. Wel cross that bridge when we come to it.. do what is best for her , but also for yourself. Caregiver burnout is REAL. Best of luck to you..
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Reply to MDR317
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If you keep her home, you will eventually have more to manage-even at night. Be ready for that. Does she have friends that can come in to visit her regularly? Also, her insurance might cover three months of in home physical therapy. It usually helps. How about a small pet to keep her company? It would be a little more work. Can she see out a window? My mom planted roses for her mom. Is she able to do chair yoga for seniors? Until you move her to a facility, she needs to have people with her a good portion of the time and/or to keep her mind busy. I would also put a port o potty next to her bed. All the best in managing her care.
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Reply to DianaGearhart
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If she is unsteady on her feet, she should be using a rollator walker. You can get one on Amazon for about $125. These rollators have a built in seat and a storage area so hands are free to use the rollator. It may take some effort to get her to use it regularly, but it will help keep her safe from falling. Your mom sounds like she is still fairly high functioning, so I don't think she needs assisted living yet. That decision is really up to you. I assume you have your mom's Medical and Financial POAs. If not, now is the time to get them. Don't wait until she has deteriorated so far that she won't understand what is going on or you will have trouble getting an attorney to do the paperwork. They are constrained by law to follow the elders directions, not the person who accompanies them. I wish you well dealing with your mom. I have my 82 yo wife and her 88 yo sister that I am taking care of, and I have them both on rollators.
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Reply to WilliamBillA1
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lealonnie1 Dec 7, 2025
Medicare pays for 1 appliance every 5 years with a doctors order.
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I'd start checking to see what is available locally.

Short term I'd extend her hours, perhaps extend from 10 am - 8:00 pm or 8:00 am- 6:00 pm whatever works best.
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Reply to brandee
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