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My husband just had his second stroke; 2021 (1st mild), In 2023 he proclaimed he was cured and no more meds for him (refused to take them). Feb 2026 4 strokes 3 left, 1 right. His cognition is terrible, cannot trouble shoot, cannot retain anything for more than 3 minutes. I am trying to coordinate, PT/OT/ST plus pay his debts, set up disability, and did not notice his decline. I am so, so, so overwhelmed in trying to figure out what I have to deal with. I have PoA medical and financial but I do not feel right acting on it. I am trying to give him a sense of ownership, of self. But I am falling to pieces. I am overwhelmed.As I asked how do you keep sane? How do I find time for "ME!!!!" While trying to figure all this out it is 10-12hrs days, trying to figure out access to something. It is draining, frustrating, and I cannot lose my temper. arghhhhh I am losing my mind.

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Why are you trying to give him a "sense of ownership of self" when he didn't do the one thing that would have possibly avoided his strokes: taking the medicine! Sorry, he no longer gets to call any shots. Use therapeutic fibs to avoid his meddling. Ask his doctor about meds for his agitation and depression.

Caregiving happens on the caregiver's term or else you will burn out (as you are finding out). Time to make yourself the priority and do self-care so that you can endure the marathon. You MAKE time for yourself. You expect it, demand it. You eat the elephant one bite at a time and every single day make sure you do something for yourself. Without exception. Tell your friends to hold you accountable to give yourself quality time every day.

I'm so sorry for this turn of events. May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you protect your own health as you help your husband.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Please hire caregivers. You need some me time to get out and remind yourself that you matter too!
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Reply to Valentine15
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Have you considered moving to assisted living so that you can get help with taking care of his needs and be able to safely leave him for the breaks you so desperately need?

Don't feel wrong about using the POA. This is exactly the kind of situation it's for.
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Reply to MG8522
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It's very hard, but acknowledging to yourself that hubby is no longer able to care for finances/home should make it easier for you to make use of the POAs. Failing to acknowledge hubby's lost capacity simply adds to the frustration; like air pedaling when there's no bike - you're not going anywhere. So let him give instructions to his heart's content, but the onus of decision-making and doing is on you now.

See if the new Medicare GUIDE* program is available in your area. It's designed to provide comprehensive support to dementia families. Education, care, resources, and RESPITE. The program includes a dedicated care manager to work with you.

Take care of yourself.

*Guiding an Improved Dementia Experience (GUIDE)
https://www.cms.gov/priorities/innovation/files/guide-model-patient-caregiver-fs.pdf
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Reply to ravensdottir
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