How do you handle your shopoholic parent? How do you get your parent to stop driving? How can you help her in decisions on home care assist.

Grandma may be exhibiting some dementia symptoms. At the very least, her age and/or personality are making it easy for people to take advantage of her. Her shopping shows that her decision making ability is failing.
Do try to get her to a doctor for a checkup (you don't have to mention these reasons - think of something simple like blood pressure. You can alert the doctor ahead of time).
A doctor may be able to help you find other living arrangements for her.
If none of this works, you can try Social Services and see if they will do a welfare check. In the end, you may find there isn't much you can do. People have rights - even when they are wrong. I hope something helps.
Take care,
Carol

Good luck is all I have to say. My mother has dementia, and to make a very long story short, her doctor told us "unfortunately there is no law against poor judgement" . This was the help we got from him. She is still driving, spending money she doesn't have to spend, refuses to have anyone living with her and my father to help out and to oversee the care of my father, who also has dementia and CHF. She told me to leave (I was living there to help out). She thinks she can handle everything. Even though she can not even handle their finances(my sister took over the finances), I am doing medications, and she has 3 daughters running in circles trying to keep up with her. I wish you luck, and a lot of patience. It's a horrible disease and it seems that the only toll it takes is on the caregivers. Prayers to you my dear, you will need them. And yes I do sound angry and resentful. We have been fighting this battle with her for about 2 yrs now. She is still doing everything SHE wants to do. No matter the consequences. So very frustrating.

Grandma's judgment may be faltering, but if she enjoys shopping for deals, and it doesn't impoverish her, she has found an enjoyable way to keep her mind active, and that's good. If the spending is out of hand, try to transfer to a game where she's not spending real money. Try to help with pet care--a pet is a great companion. Be grateful that she's happy with a pet and doesn't need a caretaker or your presence 24/7. It's not her job to straighten out other family members' relationships. Count your blessings. Many of us would love to be in your position.

Actually the doctor was wrong about the poor judgement. There is a law that keeps people with "poor judgement" off the road. You just go to the DMV website and get the paperwork to turn into the DMV to have the driver re-evaluated. We had to do this with my Mother because she kept trying to get behind the wheel of the car even though she gets "lost" in the little village that she lives in. Worked like a charm. Took about 4 weeks. She can still jump through the hoops and go get evaluated but for now her license is suspended. Please don't let confused elderly people drive. I see on a monthly basis how a driver in their 80's or 90's has run through the front of a restaurant, hit people in crosswalks ect ect ect..... I feel for my Mothers loss of independence, but I would feel a lot more for a toddler who got hit by a car because family members were afraid to take this step.

Carol's expert answers are good.
=It is astonishing how much junk even poverty-level hoarders can accumulate.
=It makes HEALTH hazards for them, AND for any around them.
=You cannot change them.
=They will not change themselves at that late age.
=Each time they get moved elsewhere, the new place gets similarly or worse hoarded, unless those around them actively and aggressively prevent it.
=They WILL get terrifically angry when anyone tries to prevent them hoarding further.
When taking Mom to the Docs for evaluation, it might be helpful to write up a one-page letter to submit to her records.

On this letter, put short, descriptive one-liners that tell the Docs what she's been up to, and how she's been behaving.
By doing this, you can inform the Doc of things Mom might not be willing to admit to a new Doc, that CAN make a difference in treatment and diagnosis.

For my Mom, I did that, listing things she'd had difficulties with in the past, and what persisted currently. It allowed the Doc to prevent her from Drug seeking/stockpiling, for instance. [[Mom, and my siblings, refused to inform the Docs about her substance problems, lifetime of mental health issues, etc.]]

If Docs do not know of a patient's behaviors, patients come and go so briefly from Doc's scrutiny, MUCH medical, mental, etc. can be totally missed, unless someone who cares for them, submits a letter to the file for the Docs to read.