How do you handle the heat in summer?

The air condition is a good idea, Jeanne. I thought about it, but couldn't find a way for it to work without replacing a window first. My parents have those old fashion windows with slats that roll open and closed. I thought about a portable AC with a vent hose. I'll have to look at those again.

My mother has been very sweet today. She apologized for yesterday, but it has gotten to not mean much -- like the abusive spouse that comes with flowers and apologies. I know the next bad time is not too far down the road.

Jessie, you don't have to repeat all your explanations about AC over and over. Just do what you have to do.

Is moving a viable option for you? I know that you have put up with an ungodly amount of verbal abuse in order to do what you consider right for your mother. It sounds like you've learned a lot and grown much in regards to setting boundaries and protecting yourself. In fact, you rock! If you ever decide that the right thing to do now is to move out, and continue to help your mother from a (short) distance, know that you have lots of support here!

This is kind of crazy since the house has AC, but what about getting a window AC for the room you work in? And you could keep a thermometer prominently displayed in the kitchen. The rule is you don't cook when the kitchen is over X degrees. Stock the freezer with microwavable dinners.

Sounds like moving would be a safe and sane approach for your situation. I see you trying to compromise, not so with your mother. Your mother seems to think that since it is her place, she makes all the rules and you must abide by them. Two adults from different generations cannot always live harmoneously.

Oy, it has been day from hell. My mother tore part of the yard up today and wants me to go get soil and grass seed for her so she can grow grass where that evil moss is. She is so mad at our yardman, who is cutting things the same as always. She started talking about how she pays everything and that I don't. This is her reality -- her at the center doing everything, I guess. Then the belittling started about how I couldn't understand anything and how my job was failing. And I realized that she had this need to feel that she was supporting me for some reason. The conversations were awful, and I kept having to tell myself that she was crazy, so not to let it bother me. Finally I told her that I was going to have to move, that it just wasn't working out between the two of us. I'm too exhausted and downtrodden this evening to talk much. There is a lot to sleep on.

JessieBelle, my husband and I used to do the Battle of the Thermostat every winter. I'm always moving at home, he's always sitting at home--usually. We got a remote thermostat which I keep on the open catwalk between floors. I still have to program it, but I put it low for heat and high for AC. I would rather put on a sweatshirt and conserve energy =$. He still complains, but now I can blame the thermostat, not my hot blooded personality. WhooHoo! xo

Hi Jessibelle- This is what I would do. I would go to the local fire department. I would tell them about Mom and beg them to come to the house - if you can get them to come in their nice big shiny fire trucks all the better. Have them knock on the door and come in and announce that they are going around making sure all houses are at a safe temperature. Have them say that it is very important that THE AIR CONDITIONING BE USED ON HOT DAYS! They can look at your thermostat and leave a written notice (all legal like) next to it that explains when to use the AC-. Have them explain to your Mom that this keeps everyone safe and if she is cold she should wear a cardigan and socks and slippers. If the fire department won't do it have a friend come in as the "AC patrol' and do the same thing.
We have a very nice policeman come in once in awhile and make "notes" on my daughter's behavior for her "file" that is at the police station. There is no file but he is a real policeman. We live in a small town :0) We also "call" and report any behaviors that need to go into her "file" As did her behavioral therapist. She left herself a message on her machine. You do what you have to at times. Good luck.

Thanks, all. It was getting warm, so I turned on the AC to a good compromising temperature (80F). It will keep things livable. We didn't discuss it, I just did it. If she turns it off, I'll just turn it back on.

Temperature has been one of the worst problems I've dealt with since being here. My father used to like to keep things at 90. It was no problem in winter. I could just close off my and the rabbits' room to keep it livable. That doesn't work in summer, though. Up until this year, my mother also preferred to run the AC when it got warm, so we were able to keep it comfortable enough despite the wishes of my father.

This year my mother has decided she is cold all the time. I know it is a common problem for inactive older people. I could leave the house during the hottest part of the day, but I don't want my rabbits to have to face the heat. They won't do the ice bottle routine to stay cool. They want AC. Too much heat would stress and could kill them. Often I am afraid to leave the house when the weather is extreme. I'm afraid that I'll come back to cooked rabbits.

The peppermint oil sounds good. I wonder if I could rub some on the rabbits. I don't know if it would work through all that fur.

I agree with ChristinaW.
You have to take care of yourself as well as your mom. Trying to work in all that heat is a medical danger (to both of you.) You cannot help your mom if you're suffering from heat stroke and/or exhaustion. I would point this out to her, and let her know that there really is no "choice" for her to make here, because the decision has already been made. If she doesn't like this, you could point out the alternative. which is for her to obtain (and pay for) someone else to come in and take care of her. It's likely she wouldn't be able to hang onto them very long if they're forced to endure a house that feels like an oven.

My mom is a lot like your mom, it's only her reasoning that may differ. She doesn't like me opening the windows in the house "Because,", she says, "outside air stinks!" (Yes, I have a mom who thinks fresh air is a horrible stench.) *sigh*

There are some areas where you learn to be flexible, but there are other areas where you have to put your foot down and take a firm stance on what you want to happen. If you aren't used to doing this, it can feel uncomfortable and disrespectful. But with some parents, it's the only way you can get them to hear you. I have to be the parent to my parent, and tough love is the only language she hears. If I don;t employ that, she will walk all over me. This is something you need to keep your health up so that you can take care of your mom. If she denies you that, she may as well cut off her own nose to spite her face,

Hope you can get through to her.
XO

PS: Get some unscented lotion, and a bottle of peppermint essential oil. If you can, pick up some lavender essential oil, too, Mix 2-3 drops of the peppermint oil with enough lotion to apply to your arms and legs. The peppermint oil is really good at making the skin feel cooler. A few drops of lavender oil help you relax more, also. This is something that I take with me everywhere I go. (Also, the peppermint/lavender mix helps when you have a headache and the aspirin hasn't kicked in. Apply it to your temples and hairline. Really helps.)

JessieBelle, turn on the AC, close the vent in her room, put a blanket on her, don't answer her. As my friend, LindaHeart, says " Lalalalala."
I can't HEAR you, Mother. Here is your heating pad. Lalalala !!
xo

it sure gets stupid. every problem is yours to resolve and every thing you try to do is blocked and negged on. what annoys me id this is nothing new . my mom has been a negative, gaming, argumental butthole as long as i can remember. with latter stage dementia actually it isnt much worse. at the risk of sounding sexist, i blame my dad. if you can train / teach an animal you could train a spouse. ( male or female ) ignorant and argumentive are a recipe for insanity. my mom is getting pressure sores on her ass. these are nothing to play around with but i cant change her seating she'll return the cushions as quickly as i get one. then in the middle of the night i get to listen to bellyaching about her sore ass.
sorry jesse, i didnt totally jack your thread, it was about bullheadedness too.