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My mother is in skilled care due to multiple medical conditions, but her cognitive function is mostly intact. We all live more than an hour from her facility, too far for her to travel for a gathering. I’m interested in how others navigate holidays like Christmas, other than just coming by for a regular visit. Ideas?

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I too worked the holidays in hospitals and nursing homes . Rarely celebrated on the actual day . Didn’t phase my kids at all . ( My husband sometimes took them to the movies on Christmas Day while I worked ) . Any day that works for you can be the holiday .
Go the day after or the following weekend and bring her food from home , watch a movie together , play a game .
The nursing homes I worked in did not allow any families to reserve the family dining room on holidays to avoid families trying to book the room a year in advance.
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Reply to waytomisery
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Pippin0330: Don't stress as her facility should have a holiday function.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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When my brother was in a skilled nursing facility, hospice threw him a birthday party. It was held in an empty room at the end of one of the wings of the building. There were sofas and chairs and tables. A musician duo came and played rock n roll including the Beatles version of Happy Birthday. Check with staff to see if there’s a room where an event can be held. Maybe you can decorate the room and have a meal catered.
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Reply to katepaints
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Is she interested in the same? Find out and set up a schedule of visits so she is not overwhelmed. Or just sent a note to others that she would love a scheduled visit and let them schedule it on their own. You do not have to be the Project manager!!!
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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A facility sometimes has to limit the number of visitors per resident on an actual holiday anyhow, to avoid chaos and overwhelming the residents and the staff.
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Reply to MG8522
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The facility will have Christmas for them. My daughters facility has a contest which station can do the best decorations. My daughters did the Christmas story. She is an artist and so was another staff member and they went all out, Leg lamp and all.

I would not take a bunch of people at one time to visit. Maybe overwhelming and tiring. Maybe the day after when things are quieter.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Same situation with my grandma. Mentally intact but physically weakened. One Xmas, she was in the hospital, and we paid a visit with food and such. Tried to make it as festive as possible.

She was in rehab when her birthday rolled around. There was a room at the facility for visiting, so we brought cake and all to her and just celebrated there. She was just happy we’d all gathered around her.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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You don't indicate how many people are involved. My first inclination would be to take the party to her, not necessarily everyone for a singular event but perhaps a group of 5 or 6 which might be a mix of ages, singles, marrieds at a time. Perhaps singles or couple without young kids could be there for the actual day but other groupings could go within the holiday season, such as the week between Christmas and New Years. Not perfect, but doable. My family traveled 2 hours each way to my grandparents for those special days and it was a special time. Now I am 84 and 3500 miles away and would be thrilled if any of the family ever came.
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Reply to Pawsabit
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Most facilities have an activity room that families can use for family gatherings whether on a specific holiday or before or after. That way you can bring the celebration to your mother and not have to worry about taking her out.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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DrBenshir Oct 15, 2025
One year we planned a New Years Day open house with platters from a local caterer. It snowed, roads were bad and few people came. As soon as the roads cleared we took the platters to a local seniors home with a portable sound system and had a party there. They loved it! Bring in food and music and make a party for Mom and her friends. It’s easier than transporting Mom and will make her very popular.
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I live 3,000 miles away from my father who is in a nursing home. I will visit him some time in December before Christmas. I want to celebrate Christmas being with my grandchildren,.

Sure I feel sad that he will be alone. But when I visit all he does is sleep anyway. He really does not care about anything, he just looks at me blankly. I don’t think he really cares about Christmas anymore.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Her facility will likely have some sort of holiday celebration there. It won't necessarily be on the actual holiday. Go to that celebration, take mom her gifts, and let that be your holiday with her.

On the holiday, do your regular holiday celebration - gifts, dinner and whatever. You don't necessarily have to mention any of those plans to mom. If she asks, tell her you want to focus on her where she is and that's why you're participating in the facility's celebration. Then change the subject. Or, during the family celebration, include her onscreen, or phone her and tell her you miss her and will have lots of pictures next time you see her.

When someone's that sick, you have to make changes, but it's not so bad. Tradition is nice but doesn't have to be the exact same every time.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I find the best way to do a holiday with a LO in a care facility is to not do it on the day of. Trying to bring a holiday to them on the holiday is chaos. Plan something at the facility with them after the holiday. See if other family want to get in on it and bring special foods and music. Your mother will probably love it.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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When my MIL was in LTC close to my house, and since we were usually the hosts of all holidays, we would plan to first go and bring part of the celebration to her in the facility. This meant that most of the meaningful people were already gathered, and it also meant I could have total peace and quiet in my home while I was getting the food prepped and on the table.

I realize not many can probably do this, and we've also celebrated on the day before and brought everything to her as much as possible. Sometimes facilities will have their own celebrations so we tried to be part of that as often as possible, as well.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Speaking as someone whose career demanded working on all of the major holidays, I just want to advise you that it is totally ok to celebrate a holiday not on the "official" date. So, when you're making plans don't get so caught up in "well, Christmas is Dec. 25, so any other day to celebrate is unacceptable".

My family called it "Second Christmas", and depending on schedules and weather, we sometimes couldn't celebrate it until sometime in March. The date didn't matter; what mattered was we were able to get together for a nice visit.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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Beethoven13 Oct 5, 2025
Agree. As an emergency medicine physician, holidays were an anathema. I’ve worked every holiday and seen every sad family dynamic. There is nothing special about the actual day. Celebrate around the time and don’t put pressure on yourself. One of my best memories is a EM physician colleague and I going for Chinese food on Christmas Day or Eve, don’t remember which. We were working the holiday that year and had limited time off. It was great. We lived in Houston and there is everything everywhere there. Holidays don’t have to be just a ritual of family gathering and obligation. It’s great if this fills your cup but for many of us, it doesn’t. We’ve traveled on Christmas Day and it’s great. Flights are cheaper and less crowded. Hotel brunch or dinner is another option. Make it a staycation in the big city.
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