The waiting lists are horrible where we live. My father in law is waiting for one to open up for Medicaid in the same facility as his girlfriend. But I do not see this happening soon. I mentioned to my fiance that we need to apply to several. But what do you do when they refuse. I can not make him. But do not see myself caring for him for another 2 years. The VA Social worker, if we move out, it may show him he can not live in his own. But this will cause family problems. The rest of the family complains, but does not like to step up and assist.

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You mention your FIL has dementia. Does he need more help than Assisted Living? I’m asking because some people decline rapidly, and you might need to consider that for FIL. If he balks at AL, he will balk at SNF as well, so maybe putting him in Skilled Nursing to begin with may be a better idea and easier to get into. Talk to the Social Worker and get their opinion.

Don’t stress about the others in the family not stepping up. You have been charged as FIL’s caregiver and you need to look out for yourself. Does your fiancé have POA? If not, you may want to apply for that now as well.
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