How do you deal with frustration and anger you are feeling with loved one after years of caregiving?

I'm glad that one thing you did was look up AgingCare :)

Because step one is to acknowledge how hard caregiving is and find like minds to share your burden with.

I see from your profile that you're caring for your wife - would you like to say any more about what you're having to deal with? Many people have said they experience huge relief simply from finding that they're not alone, and I'm sure that your situation - although unique to you - will chime with a good many others here.

Yes, long time caregiving can bring out the worst in us. What is your anger? Is it at the disease (you don't say why you're caring for her)? Is it at your wife? Is it at the life you sacrificed in caring all these years? Is it at being unappreciated? Is it at God? Is your frustration at not being able to do more? Maybe it's all of these. Does your wife's disease have a support group- cancer, dementia, MS? If so, find one and hook up with it. Your local Area Agency on Aging can maybe help you find one. Have you considered outside help? Home care agencies, church groups, respite care can all help provide some relief from caregiving. If this is your current state of mind you must find support and help. Over extending your care can eventually become resentment and the disregard for your wife's proper care. So make some calls- AAA, pastor, county agencies, etc., and make one for your own counseling.

By knowing that I’m not alone and my feelings are valid and normal. And that I have the right to get help and break away without guilt. I have found good support here in this forum so I hope you keep reading and posting!

By taking care of yourself too. That part is often overlooked when we are in the throngs of caregiving for our loved one, but it's one of the most important things we can do. Otherwise we can become frustrated, and angry.

Caregiving is extremely hard, and can definitely take its toll on us if we let it, so we have to be very intentional with what we do for ourselves. Even if it's just little things, like going for a walk, going grocery shopping, going out to eat with a friend(yes, you can still do these things during Covid)or reading a good book. And if you can afford it, hire someone to come stay with your wife while you get away for a few days to your favorite place. You will be amazed how doing just some of these simple things can change your perspective and rejuvenate your soul.

And if that doesn't help, then it might be time to find the nicest place you can afford to put your wife in, where others will care for her and you can get back to just being her husband. There are no easy answers. Only you can decide what is best for you and your wife. But please, in the mean time, take care of yourself, and do something just for you. God bless you.

I'm dealing with a prazlyed spouse that really hates me but i'm the only person that's taking care of him.I have deal with his complaints about everything,he is mentally abusing me i need help things got so bad this weeked i had to get me a room, i called him he hung up, now what can i do if hes refusing my care

Many of us are or have been in your shoes.

It is a very stressful situation to be in.

All of your emotions are valid. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this challenging and trying time in your life.

I truly hope this forum will be a comfort to you. I found much comfort when I reached out to this forum. Just to have my feelings validated helped me so much.

AgingCare forum is here to offer support and comfort. Please continue to lean on us.

We all have needed someone to prop us up from time to time. We will help as much as possible.

Take care, wishing you all the best and hope that you can find some sort of relief soon.

One day at a time is the only way to cope with it.