Follow
Share

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship, and sad to say back in early Sept this year, her husband passed away. Soon after her husband's death, a friend of hers took it upon herself to have POA over her as she has early stages of dementia. My mother was put in a care facility. Everything seemed fine, till I kept getting multiple calls saying you need to care for your mother. This last call I got was a couple days ago and I was getting yelled at, as I said that I was not going to care for her. I am tired and stressed. No one at all asked her to take on being her POA. I don't know how to cope, there is no love in my mom and I's relationship, yet they say because she is my mother that it is my duty to care for her.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
The only thing you need to say is what you have said. You simply cannot care for her. If the home is not working, then why isn't the POA taking in Mom herself?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If there is-one more phone call from the facility, tell them you have no way to care for her, she is NOT your responsibility and for them to call the assigned legal POA!! And just because she birthed you does not a true mother make. Please please tell facility to contact her POA. You owe her nothing ……
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

No need to listen to what “they” say. Don’t accept any more calls from this person. There are people here who provide oversight and care for relatives they don’t have good relationships with, mostly done from whatever a safe distance is for them. You can check in on your mom without seeing her or this other person. Don’t accept toxic behavior into your life
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Your mother is NOT your responsibility. Never was and never will be. I would just block the number of the person who is calling you, and get on with living and enjoying your life. If the responsibility is too much for her POA, she/he will have to turn your mother over to the state to let them now take over her care. That's on her/him, not you.
Stay strong and don't let yourself get sucked into something that was never yours to be begin with.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You do not get POA over someone. The person has to assign you. I wonder how this person got around Moms Dementia. Was this done by a lawyer? Or an internet thing with it notarized? Really it doesn't matter I guess. The next time this person calls (I am assuming not the facility) tell her she can have her POA revolked and have Moms care put in the hands of the State. Then, block
her calls. You will never know if she calls or not. Its a nice not knowing. I have done it and you get some peace of mind.

If it is the facility calling, tell them that Mom has a POA that you cannot override. If they feel that she is not doing her job, then they need to report Mom to APS as a vulnerable adult. They will investigate and if felt that the POA is not carrying out her responsibilities, then the State will take over. Ask the facility not to involve you in any way. If POA gives them your ph#, tell them sorry but you cannot be responsible for Mom because of past abuse, trauma, etc. Do not allow them to talk u into anything. They will do anything not to take on the responsibility. The answer is NO and hang up. Then block their #. There is no law that says we have to care for a parent.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Firstof5 Feb 2022
I wish I could upvote this multiple times.
(1)
Report
As we often say on the forum…,,NO is a complete sentence. Then hang up and block the phone number(s) that keep calling you!!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter