Husband depressed because he can't land a contract due to obvious dementia (which he denies). Started drinking heavily, but we did a family intervention. He blames all of it on me and wants nothing to do with me now. He's always been a wizard at computer technology, but now he has trouble just getting one hooked up. He has other physical issues which have to be cared for, so leaving him really isn't an option.
When you say "obvious dementia" do you mean anyone can tell he has a problem in the first few minutes of interaction? Or do you mean it is apparent to you that he must have dementia? Sometimes those behaviors are actually a symptoms of another health problem, like a brain tumor or other possibly *treatable* illness. Most dementias are diagnosed by a thorough physical examination and lab work and sometimes imaging to discount all other possibilities of causes. Your hubs will need this exam anyway if he ever needs medication for depression (hint) and anxiety. If he indeed has dementia, his broken brain cannot bring his moods and emotions under control anymore so he needs help to do this.
I'm so sorry for this distressing situation. Please provide more information so that we can give you the most appropriate guidance.
My family and I see the dementia but right now, he is able to fool the doctors and our friends. He's pretty much a recluse due to the lymphedema, so 15-20 minutes is about all he ever spends around people. Very easy to fool people when you don't have much interaction with them.
He had a CT scan and a MRI. We are still waiting for results of that.
I am aware of some of these other illnesses that can make it seem like dementia. We have a relatively new doctor and I'm trying to get comfortable with him before I start pushing too much. But, at 78, I would lean towards dementia. But then, I'm not a doctor, just a wife who doesn't have answers yet.
Thanks for your response and understanding.
Your husband appears to be suffering from anosognosia which is not denial, but the inability for a dementia patient to recognize his deficits. Agingcare has an article about it.
Best of luck to you.
At the bare minimum take a weekend off. Go visit family. Book a cruise for only you. He doesn't want you around. Take off.
Check out AlAnon for you. Get a therapist for you that specializes in alcoholism in family.
Alcoholism is linked to mental decline. Wernicke Korsakoffs. Also, alcoholism causes depression.
Drinkers in their late 70's won't stop drinking.
I do not regret distancing myself from alcoholic Dad in his 80's. He passed out drunk in a parking lot next to cornfields. This was in a small town. I had incredible shame and embarrassment but distanced myself after this action.
He was angry and miserable to be around and ate very little and started drinking at 10:00 am in the morning.
You are responsible for you.
The alcoholic is responsible for themself.
Either stay in your area or book a cruise. Go visit a child or a sibling if that applies. Etc.
You need to take care of yourself and your mental health and it can’t be sunshine and roses to deal with him all of the time.
You need some fresh air and some self care and a change of environment.
All the best on taking care.