How do you control spouse's overspending?

This is a very common challenge discussed on this forum. You do need to secure your sensitive information and prevent him from access.

First, make sure he has assigned you or a trusted local family member or person as durable PoA. Without this it will at some point become difficult to manage and decide his care if he isn't cooperative or able.

Next, does he have a medical diagnosis of dementia by a doctor in his records? If not, then this is very import to get AFTER he has a cognitive exam.

An emergency step would be to give him a pre-paid Visa card with a limited amount of money on it. This may satisfy him in the short run until you can secure everything else.

If you have a joint bank account I would maybe create a new one that only you have authority for, and then transfer the money over into it so he can't get to it. Eventually you will need to call up your bank(s), tell them your dilemma and ask what they suggest you do at their end (most banks have their own PoA protocol and some require you bring in your husband). You will also need to do this for your investments.

Change the passwords for important accounts so he can't go online to bank or shop. You can tell him "therapeutic fibs" to keep him at bay. You may want to inform close family to not lend him any money or take him to the bank (if he still drives you may want to put the car keys or car someplace where he can't just jump in and go shopping or to the bank).

If he has a mobile phone with internet access, you'll need for it to "get lost" for a while. If you have children maybe ask them to help participate in the "distraction" game while you batten down the hatches. I'm so sorry for this stress but you must protect yourself. I would also suggest a consult with an elder law attorney who is familiar with estate and Medicaid planning. You will need to know some things so that you don't disqualify yourselves. Wishing you success in the short term and peace in the long term.

Because he is angry and illogical, place both of your incomes under a fiduciary (hired) rep-payee so he will have to ask the fiduciary those money questions, not you.

If you are still okay, make the fiduciary 'in name only' while you continue to handle the finances as long as you are able. At this point, the fiduciary is a buffer between you and your spouse.

Be sure to give him an affordable allowance, cash and a pre-paid Visa card.
Do not withhold this money from him, give it monthly, from a strict budget.

Have everything mailed to a private mailbox.

Even after taking these precautions, he may find a way to access money, and one day you could find your joint account emptied. Therefore, no joint accounts.

There will be other solutions more specific to your situation, but a rep-payee is a start. If the info comes from the government [no, you cannot handle money]
[but this person assigned will handle it for you], then it makes it easier to gain his cooperation if he has the capacity to receive it. Involve his doctors.

If you do nothing else, open a separate checking account [maybe a credit union] and have your own SS income deposited directly there, keep this info from him. Requires you to have a private mailbox.

Thank you, Sendhelp and Graeton777! Fortunately my daughter is very close to us and able to help. We are going to follow the steps you outlined and do them when they seem necessary and get things running as smoothly as we can.
I have been doing online paid 'gigs' -- university research studies, marketing online focus groups, etc -- getting enough to open a separate bank account with those funds. There's no way I can make enough to keep up with his spending, but I can get some money and my SS in another account. That will help a lot.
Thanks for your answers.

It maybe time to talk to his doctor about getting paperwork for you to become his representative payee thru social security. I had to do this for my brother in law he always believed that when he made money it just keep coming in his mind. He didn't understand that if you take out more than you have in there it doesn't multiply. The place that was handling his money a credit union was covering his debt when he social security came in they would take the money back. When I took over he was $700 in debt to them. He didn't like what I did but today he is fine with it because I have provided everything he needs. With this rep payee of social security if he decides to give POA of his finances to someone else instead of you they won't be able to touch his social security once you are rep payee of it. I know this for a fact my brother in law's sister and niece wanted his money they thought that if they got a POA financial they could get ahold of his soc sec won't happen unless I give it up will not happen they have sucked him dry on his pension bank account which no one can access except for him they used his short term memory problem to get money out. He gave them $1600 from that account and he is the type to ask first how much can he get out.

Yes have another bank account also if you can get a PO Box for the mail to go too if would be better. That is what I have set up for my brother in law on his bank account statements now since he was taken by his family. They will never see how much he has in his accounts.

Here are some options.

Tell him that your accounts have been hacked. Take away all of his access to your accounts. Give him a reloadable gift card from a major credit card company as his new "debit" and/or "credit card." to use for his own personal spending. Also change the passwords to access accounts online. This will limit his ability to spend and get scammed.

As for his desires to "buy," write up the budget and keep it somewhere that can be referenced often. When he says, "Let's buy a new ______," show him the budget and say, "I'd love to but I can't find money in our budget for a _______ payment." Then suggest that he help you "save up" for whatever he wants to buy.

On a side note, please make sure to have your legal documents taken care of for your husband while he still has some mental capacity. These include his will, a power of attorney for medical, and a power of attorney for financial.

First, you CANCEL all cards and get new ones in your name only.
You change limit on spending amounts.
you get POA legal needs in order.
you take away all credit cards (and debit) cards.

Gena / Touch Matters

Excellent advice given here (as always). It might be hard to accomplish, I know it has been for my husband. One additional thing I did was, I turned off the ringer on the house phone. This was after he lost $600.00 in phone scams, I was able to get $400. of it back. He can call out, but any incoming calls go directly to voicemail. He isn't as trusting with the cell phone.

plkelly13: It is IMPERATIVE that you close and/or cancel all credit cards with his name on it/that he has access to. That also applies to debit cards. An individual such as your husband with "early dementia" does not have the mental capacity to make any judgement on financials.

Open a new account for any money you have coming in to protect it from hubby's spending sprees.

This may be very hard to get done but hubby needs to be evaluated regarding his cognition. Once it gets to a certain point you will not be able to get a durable power of attorney and may need to seek guardianship.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and wish you the very best.

Cancel and replace any credit cards or debit cards . Or cancel and just have one for emergency use. Do not give him access to cards or checks . Close all bank accounts you are able to, open checking and/or savings in your name only. That's about all I can come up with at the moment. Good luck!

Sounds awful, but I am so glad my husband died of Cancer before this could happen. God bless and good luck to you. You have to be strong. It's your life and you need to protect yourself.

There are lots of good suggestions here . I would suggest you join a good caretakers meeting. It is very helpful to know you are not alone . Find out as much as you can about dementia. It’s not pretty but you need to know what’s down the line . It does not get better. Learn as much as you can to protect the marital assets. If he doesn’t have access to it he can’t spend it .
You really have to start working on getting a Durable Power of Attorney. The sooner the better . He will have to sign it . The first thing I learned about my man is that his brain is broken . We have gone from Mild Cognitive Impairment to Moderate Neurodegenerative disease in the span of 4 years . I wish I knew then, what I know now . There is help out there for both of you . Take care of your self, caretaking can take a huge toll .