How do you continue being a good caregiver without losing yourself?

None of this is easy. I have been caregiver for my 95 yr old father and 88 yr old mother for almost 2 years now. Just recently put them into memory care. Even knowing they are getting the best of care available to them, I still feel guilty. I have recently started having anxiety attack’s and had several trips to the ER they were so bad. I have had to cut back on my visits to them and started to focus on my own health. It’s easier said then done. Prayers for all of us who carry this blessing and burden.

Hi Everyone on this message board.
i really get a lot out of reading every ones stories. So many caring people in the same story.
ive been carer my mum 7 years. I’ve just started walking one hour in morning. Something for myself. Only been 8 days walking each day. But great relief. And I’m better person for it.
little things in life are the big things.
best wishes too all.

It depends on the attitude and behaviour of the person you care for.
If they are understanding and think you should make time for yourself then you need to force yourself to do so. You should also arrange someone to come in even if they spend the time sitting with your mum and uncle and not doing anything - it gives you some space.

I have felt exactly the same. You need to get relief by “getting away” mentally and/or physically. For weeks, hours, even minutes. If you can afford help, get it. If family can step in and relieve your stress, call on them—tell them that you need them. If someone you should be able to call on (like a sibling) is unavailable, tell them they need to appoint or hire a substitute for themself. Take a vacation if you can.

If money is tight, go camping. I have found that at my most stressful times, nature has helped me the most. Even sitting on a park bench for a short time has helped me regroup and recharge. If you can go relax on a park bench, pick one in an area with lots of birds, squirrels, something fun to watch. Get as much exercise and fresh air as you can.

Playing with pets pets has helped me.

If these options are unappealing, movies have also been a great escape for me. Preview the topic, so you don’t make things harder by watching something that makes you feel bad.

Knowing there are many people going through the same thing generally helped me. Talking with other caregivers helped.

You should also talk to your doctor. If you don’t have one, talk to your Mom’s doctor.

If you just can’t do this any longer, don’t fault yourself. There are many residential options for your Mom. You could still visit and take her on outings. You would still have lots of time together. You could have better quality time together if you don’t have all the physical labor, exhaustion and mental responsibility.