How do you calm someone down when they are clearly out of their head and reliving their past such as looking for their young kids. You cannot agree or distract them?
I try to redirect them but without arguing. For example, if she's looking for her children, maybe tell her that their not there but they are safe. Maybe tell them you spoke with them/saw them etc. and they are going to call her later. I know it can be exhausting because a lot of times they accept that answer for a little while and then they start asking all over again.
Redirection works well here too. My mom has cancer and is on hospice. She's asked many times (MANY times I stress) about my children (her grandchildren). Always asks where they are, what are they doing, can't relax until they're inside. Here lately, we do a lot of humoring her, agreeing or disagreeing with her at times of she is having a bad moment of confusion (she's in and out)
My 90 year old gran has dementia and often sees and speaks to deceased members of our family all the time . In the day she expresses concern for her long gone mom's well being. I tell her , " Everyone's fine , if there was an issue we would tell you " She asks where Papa could be , he passed away in 2011 . I say " he will come later , he's good , or he's at work " she asks at night "where are the children ? I say " they're asleep or playing. " The phrase " They're with their mom " calms her down and keeps her quiet for some reason . I don't argue or tell her that these people have passed long ago as the first and last time I informed her that Papa was no longer with us she had a meltdown. My step dad has a uti and the pain meds for it in the beginning made him hallucinate people and meetings happening that weren' t there . It was harmless and we let him have his meetings in his room. As long as his hallucinations weren't scaring him we didn't intervene and I learned a lot about engineering in the process I guess. We switched pain meds when he started to get better so he's fine now . Simply put , lie . Cajole, reassure . Investigate what meds they might be taking . Leave it be if it's a harmless delusion . Remain calm and don't entertain them in a long winded argument. Tell them they're safe if they get scared . Whatever fits the situation. Also consult a GP and see if an evaluation could be done for certain medications to take the edge off and calm them down . Good luck .
Following and waiting patiently for answers! My mom goes in and out of confusion. Sometimes I think it's put on a bit for attention (babylike, "forgetful" state, and sometimes I think due to the medication and/or possible sundowners, mets to the brain, or toxicity of meds, who really knows, hard to tell sometimes 😥
I have been going through this exact scenario with my husband. He’s constantly looking for the kids (all now grown with families of their own) and thinks they’re in trouble. He has on occasion wandered outside the house looking for them. He also talks to family members that have long passed. It’s hard to calm him because sometimes the tactic that worked prior no longer works. I’ve had whatever kid he’s worried about call to reassure him they’re okay. Sometimes that would be in the middle of the night. Also one daughter left a voicemail that I can play for him when needed that convinces him she’s okay. He’s on medication that helps but that has been adjusted a few times. I’m still learning that I must remain calm and not argue with him about whatever it is he’s seeing and hearing. He occasionally wants me to fix food for the “kids” or “people” that are visiting him. It’s very frustrating. As someone stated, if it’s harmless just let them enjoy their chats...but there have been times I had to stop him from climbing up on a ladder because he was convinced a child was trapped in the ceiling light. He actually went down in the basement in middle of the night guided by the voices he was hearing. It’s scary because sometimes the voices are telling him to do things so I do pay attention to whatever he is saying to “them” to make sure he’s not getting ready to do something dangerous. I am so tired.
FOLLOWING - my mom has cancer and is on hospice. I'm her primary caregiver. I'm presently living with her helping her. My 4 and 6 year old are also with me. My mom has been having some delusional moments as well. Anxious to see all the replies. Praying for you during this trying time.♥️🙏
My dad had two specific ones, the first one that people were running through the house and yard, stealing his yard tools and in general creating havoc. I’m not sure this hallucination stopped on it’s own or that one night when he went outside to yell at the people I told him that we were going to go in the house and call their commanders and their parents so it wouldn’t happen again. He never did it again after that night. The second one he would ask when mom was coming home, I would tell him she had called while he was out and said she was spending the night with her friend because.... anything I could come up with at the spur of the moment. This can work with looking for the children as well perhaps. His hallucinations did seem to just stop after awhile and I was thankful for that.
I don't know if this applies to your situation, but my father, and ex-policeman, began waking up thinking it was his first day on the job, and that he had to get to the police department by a certain time. He even went outside in the snow, in his underwear, at 4 am once, looking for his car, so he could go to work.
I noticed that he began having extremely vivid dreams and memories right after he started taking some "memory" medication. I kept, gently, reminding him that he just started the memory medication and that he was having vivid dreams and memories. He would sometime insist it wasn't a dream, but after he settled down, he would say, "Maybe it was a dream," and would begin recognizing them as such.
However, we got with his doctor, and asked that we cut the medication in half, which we did, and this effect has slowed considerably. He now tells me about his dreams and doesn't mix them with reality. I have had two friends tell me that they had the same experience with their parents upon starting this medication.
Body language and a calm voice. Nonthreatening attitude and literally step between them and the perceived issue. By standing face to face is to be focused on the person and change the cycle of past thoughts to the present. Assure the person you are there to help figure this out and not to dispute what they "know" is real. Help them to move by taking the hand gently (if they allow) and suggesting you both move to a more comfortable area. Anything to get the body moving will also get the mind to move. Having someone (an old friend or another close family member to talk them down) to call or come over sometimes can be a safety net and deexclate the person very quickly. Sorry, but, insanity/dementia/nutty never gets better. You just live with it as long as you can and except the day it's out of your control and for their safety and yours they must be placed in someone elses care. Staff at facilities deal with these issues every day but, they take it in shifts. Lot more support can be given 24/7.
I have had a great deal of experience in my past life with situations like this. I have learned of only three solutions that might work. One, you do everything very calmly and professionally to be kind, calm and work with them and seek medical help, etc. - rarely works. Two, if repeated attempts just are ignored and it keeps on happening, before YOU lose your sanity - which you do not deserve, you take the opposite stand. You tell them very strongly, firmly, etc. that their BEHAVIORS AND OUTBURSTS SIMPLY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AND THEY BETTER STOP AT ONCE OR ELSE - I am not for this but sometimes it is the only way. You scare them so they finally do shut up. Thank god. Or, three, when they become intolerable and it begins to have major detrimental effects on the caretaker and other family, you must remove them and place them into a facility. I know no other way but experience of many years has shown the above methods work. But you must be very tough and very strong and not let them get away with things.
I know how taxing this is on the body and soul. I look after my parents for twenty years so there isn’t much I haven’t been through.
The answer of what works for you is like a fingerprint, you will have your own but maybe through the suggestions here, you can find your answer.
1. Check to see if there is an ongoing UTI. I cannot list all the things my parents imagined, said or said or did when there was a UTI going on. 2. See if there is an issue with their medication and investigate first hand the side effects. Research them on Google. One of the medications that was prescribed for my dad had a side effect of agitation, vivid dreams, etc. and even though I had complained to the nurses and doctors, they never suggested it could be xx medication. But when I mentioned it? “Ah, yes, it could be that..” and the dose was changed. And his behavior drastically changed. 3. If on no medication, investigate options that may help but make sure you research them yourself and see what are the side effects. Trust but verify. 4. I do like the idea of the voice messages or video messages of the kids telling everyone that they’re ok. Or you might put up pictures of the kids when they’re young vs. now which a written explanation of who they are, the current age and where they are. (If you person can still read). 5. Remember, what they are feeling, what they are seeing and what they are imagining is as real to them as your reality is to you. Threatening them, screaming at them, talking down to them will have no permanent effect on them. It IS their reality so you must find your way of handling it.
My mother constantly asked about the babies. So we gave her a lifelike little doll baby. She loves it. Sometimes tell me to take my kids with me, other time it's me or my sisters when we were little. We choose to go along with whatever she is thinking and sometimes learn about her childhood, we could be reminded about something in our own childhood, or it's quite possibly not true but we never point that out as long as it is not harming anyone. Yes, at times it hurts, she has no memory of a 30 year marriage to the love if her life. He's been gone 30 years now. I just wish they would open the homes again, I MISS HER TERRIBLY. Whatever comes with my faith and live for mom, we can get through anything. Doll Babby is my suggestion. Blessings.
My mother is in a nursing home and I have not seen her in since March 19. She sees her late husband all the time, outside in his car. She says he is alive but is done with her? I told her he loved her and she will see him some day. She wants to go "down" to see him but knows they won't allow her. She is upset about the mask she has to wear and calls the her helmet. Like your mother, she talks about the babies and what I am really interested in is how did you present the doll to her? I don't want to upset her in anyway, but I think she would really do well with a baby doll. Please advise.
Infections, overdosage of medications, low oxygenation, poor sleep, and disease processes in the brain may all cause delusions.
Start eliminating the easy ones. Check for fever, funky urine, and other signs of a stroke (unequal strength in arms legs, or smile, speech difficulties or new confused speech). Look up medications for side effects and overdosage symptoms since older kidneys and livers do not process or clear medications as efficiently as younger ones. Make sure loved one gets 8-9 hours of sleep at night. Adjust their activities to avoid too long of daytime sleep which can cause problems getting nighttime sleep.
After that, you can either have a clinic/doctor check. They can check oxygenation, blood counts for elevated WBCs (infection indicator), labs for blood chemistry (imbalance in electrolytes can cause delusions too), and make referrals if new neurological problems need further investigation.
When my grandmother had delusions, they were related to diseases other than dementia. She had a UTI once, shingles once, and low oxygenation when visiting us in Colorado. All those were addressed and she promptly came back to normal.
Alzheimer's disease is a little different. People slowly lose their memories starting from most recent and "unraveling" backwards. If they are at the stage of being parents of young children, try "white lies" to soothe their anxiety and frustration. Maybe say "they are at a sleepover" or "spending the weekend with family" or "in another room" or "taking a nap" to help calm them down. Try diversions to other activities. If none of these work, you may need to ask your loved one's doctor for a prescription for anti-anxiety medication which should help them to relax even though the delusions persist.
I have the issues with my mom and delusions. I’m at the end of my rope knowing how to respond. All I seem to do is agitate or anger her. We haven’t had good days since she got a UTI. It has cleared up but the delusions haven’t.
To whatever degree you can, go along with her reality. If she is looking for her kids, you can "help look for them" or acknowledge that you will help wait "until they come home." If she is fearful, help her "look for the threat" and assure her that now you are ready to deal with the danger.
Lots of good suggestions regarding meds, UTI's, etc. Agree with Cwillie, check out Teepa Snow's many videos on YouTube! She an expert on Alz & Dementia behaviors as well as many common scenarios with explanations & solutions for caregivers! I've learned so much & share them with mom's caregiver as well. It's a steep learning curve on this disease, but Teepa Snow (and this site) are so valuable!
Unfortunately, you can’t! The best thing to do is to provide a safe environment and leave the person be, until the person grows weary and stop the rampage on their own. The other approach you can take is to offer them a treat to distract the obsessive feeling they are experiencing (e.g., a bowl of ice cream). However, which ever method you choose, do not engage in the search either by answering questions or trying to help the victim rationalize where they are and why. I hope my response helps you.
My husband has terror nightmares but never remembers them. At first I was scared to death. Now, I take deep breathes and relax and wait for the nightmares to pass. We adjusted meds and it is less frequent now. Thank you for sharing.
I try and try not to "react" to the nonsense my mom comes up with, but some days it is sooo hard. If I am not stressed or in a hurry or overwhelmed, I have the patience to divert the conversation over and over again until she forgets. But there are times when I just can't take it and I start to correct and disprove and it never goes well. She gets defensive and then I feel guilty for letting it upset me and I chastise myself "why couldn't you let it go...you know she is not mentally sound!". It is hard and we are only human. Pray for patience and divert! If it's really out of control, ask her physician if her meds can be adjusted.
Works amazingly well.
In the day she expresses concern for her long gone mom's well being. I tell her , " Everyone's fine , if there was an issue we would tell you "
She asks where Papa could be , he passed away in 2011 . I say " he will come later , he's good , or he's at work " she asks at night "where are the children ? I say " they're asleep or playing. "
The phrase " They're with their mom " calms her down and keeps her quiet for some reason . I don't argue or tell her that these people have passed long ago as the first and last time I informed her that Papa was no longer with us she had a meltdown.
My step dad has a uti and the pain meds for it in the beginning made him hallucinate people and meetings happening that weren' t there . It was harmless and we let him have his meetings in his room. As long as his hallucinations weren't scaring him we didn't intervene and I learned a lot about engineering in the process I guess. We switched pain meds when he started to get better so he's fine now .
Simply put , lie . Cajole, reassure . Investigate what meds they might be taking . Leave it be if it's a harmless delusion . Remain calm and don't entertain them in a long winded argument. Tell them they're safe if they get scared . Whatever fits the situation.
Also consult a GP and see if an evaluation could be done for certain medications to take the edge off and calm them down .
Good luck .
now grown with families of their own) and thinks they’re in trouble. He has on occasion wandered outside the house looking for them. He also talks to family members that have long passed. It’s hard to calm him because sometimes the tactic that worked prior no longer works. I’ve had whatever kid he’s worried about call to reassure him they’re okay. Sometimes that would be in the middle of the night. Also one daughter left a voicemail that I can play for him when needed that convinces him she’s okay. He’s on medication that helps but that has been adjusted a few times. I’m still learning that I must remain calm and not argue with him about whatever it is he’s seeing and hearing. He occasionally wants me to fix food for the “kids” or “people” that are visiting him. It’s very frustrating. As someone stated, if it’s harmless just let them enjoy their chats...but there have been times I had to stop him from climbing up on a ladder because he was convinced a child was trapped in the ceiling light. He actually went down in the basement in middle of the night guided by the voices he was hearing. It’s scary because sometimes the voices are telling him to do things so I do pay attention to whatever he is saying to “them” to make sure he’s not getting ready to do something dangerous. I am so tired.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNznZ2MnV3I
The second one he would ask when mom was coming home, I would tell him she had called while he was out and said she was spending the night with her friend because.... anything I could come up with at the spur of the moment. This can work with looking for the children as well perhaps. His hallucinations did seem to just stop after awhile and I was thankful for that.
I noticed that he began having extremely vivid dreams and memories right after he started taking some "memory" medication. I kept, gently, reminding him that he just started the memory medication and that he was having vivid dreams and memories. He would sometime insist it wasn't a dream, but after he settled down, he would say, "Maybe it was a dream," and would begin recognizing them as such.
However, we got with his doctor, and asked that we cut the medication in half, which we did, and this effect has slowed considerably. He now tells me about his dreams and doesn't mix them with reality. I have had two friends tell me that they had the same experience with their parents upon starting this medication.
The answer of what works for you is like a fingerprint, you will have your own but maybe through the suggestions here, you can find your answer.
1. Check to see if there is an ongoing UTI. I cannot list all the things my parents imagined, said or said or did when there was a UTI going on.
2. See if there is an issue with their medication and investigate first hand the side effects. Research them on Google. One of the medications that was prescribed for my dad had a side effect of agitation, vivid dreams, etc. and even though I had complained to the nurses and doctors, they never suggested it could be xx medication. But when I mentioned it? “Ah, yes, it could be that..” and the dose was changed. And his behavior drastically changed.
3. If on no medication, investigate options that may help but make sure you research them yourself and see what are the side effects. Trust but verify.
4. I do like the idea of the voice messages or video messages of the kids telling everyone that they’re ok. Or you might put up pictures of the kids when they’re young vs. now which a written explanation of who they are, the current age and where they are. (If you person can still read).
5. Remember, what they are feeling, what they are seeing and what they are imagining is as real to them as your reality is to you. Threatening them, screaming at them, talking down to them will have no permanent effect on them. It IS their reality so you must find your way of handling it.
i wish you all the best.
I just wish they would open the homes again, I MISS HER TERRIBLY. Whatever comes with my faith and live for mom, we can get through anything. Doll Babby is my suggestion. Blessings.
Start eliminating the easy ones. Check for fever, funky urine, and other signs of a stroke (unequal strength in arms legs, or smile, speech difficulties or new confused speech). Look up medications for side effects and overdosage symptoms since older kidneys and livers do not process or clear medications as efficiently as younger ones. Make sure loved one gets 8-9 hours of sleep at night. Adjust their activities to avoid too long of daytime sleep which can cause problems getting nighttime sleep.
After that, you can either have a clinic/doctor check. They can check oxygenation, blood counts for elevated WBCs (infection indicator), labs for blood chemistry (imbalance in electrolytes can cause delusions too), and make referrals if new neurological problems need further investigation.
When my grandmother had delusions, they were related to diseases other than dementia. She had a UTI once, shingles once, and low oxygenation when visiting us in Colorado. All those were addressed and she promptly came back to normal.
Alzheimer's disease is a little different. People slowly lose their memories starting from most recent and "unraveling" backwards. If they are at the stage of being parents of young children, try "white lies" to soothe their anxiety and frustration. Maybe say "they are at a sleepover" or "spending the weekend with family" or "in another room" or "taking a nap" to help calm them down. Try diversions to other activities. If none of these work, you may need to ask your loved one's doctor for a prescription for anti-anxiety medication which should help them to relax even though the delusions persist.