How do you calm someone down when they are clearly out of their head and reliving their past such as looking for their young kids. You cannot agree or distract them?
My 90 year old gran has dementia and often sees and speaks to deceased members of our family all the time . In the day she expresses concern for her long gone mom's well being. I tell her , " Everyone's fine , if there was an issue we would tell you " She asks where Papa could be , he passed away in 2011 . I say " he will come later , he's good , or he's at work " she asks at night "where are the children ? I say " they're asleep or playing. " The phrase " They're with their mom " calms her down and keeps her quiet for some reason . I don't argue or tell her that these people have passed long ago as the first and last time I informed her that Papa was no longer with us she had a meltdown. My step dad has a uti and the pain meds for it in the beginning made him hallucinate people and meetings happening that weren' t there . It was harmless and we let him have his meetings in his room. As long as his hallucinations weren't scaring him we didn't intervene and I learned a lot about engineering in the process I guess. We switched pain meds when he started to get better so he's fine now . Simply put , lie . Cajole, reassure . Investigate what meds they might be taking . Leave it be if it's a harmless delusion . Remain calm and don't entertain them in a long winded argument. Tell them they're safe if they get scared . Whatever fits the situation. Also consult a GP and see if an evaluation could be done for certain medications to take the edge off and calm them down . Good luck .
I don't know if this applies to your situation, but my father, and ex-policeman, began waking up thinking it was his first day on the job, and that he had to get to the police department by a certain time. He even went outside in the snow, in his underwear, at 4 am once, looking for his car, so he could go to work.
I noticed that he began having extremely vivid dreams and memories right after he started taking some "memory" medication. I kept, gently, reminding him that he just started the memory medication and that he was having vivid dreams and memories. He would sometime insist it wasn't a dream, but after he settled down, he would say, "Maybe it was a dream," and would begin recognizing them as such.
However, we got with his doctor, and asked that we cut the medication in half, which we did, and this effect has slowed considerably. He now tells me about his dreams and doesn't mix them with reality. I have had two friends tell me that they had the same experience with their parents upon starting this medication.
My mother constantly asked about the babies. So we gave her a lifelike little doll baby. She loves it. Sometimes tell me to take my kids with me, other time it's me or my sisters when we were little. We choose to go along with whatever she is thinking and sometimes learn about her childhood, we could be reminded about something in our own childhood, or it's quite possibly not true but we never point that out as long as it is not harming anyone. Yes, at times it hurts, she has no memory of a 30 year marriage to the love if her life. He's been gone 30 years now. I just wish they would open the homes again, I MISS HER TERRIBLY. Whatever comes with my faith and live for mom, we can get through anything. Doll Babby is my suggestion. Blessings.
My mother is in a nursing home and I have not seen her in since March 19. She sees her late husband all the time, outside in his car. She says he is alive but is done with her? I told her he loved her and she will see him some day. She wants to go "down" to see him but knows they won't allow her. She is upset about the mask she has to wear and calls the her helmet. Like your mother, she talks about the babies and what I am really interested in is how did you present the doll to her? I don't want to upset her in anyway, but I think she would really do well with a baby doll. Please advise.
I have been going through this exact scenario with my husband. He’s constantly looking for the kids (all now grown with families of their own) and thinks they’re in trouble. He has on occasion wandered outside the house looking for them. He also talks to family members that have long passed. It’s hard to calm him because sometimes the tactic that worked prior no longer works. I’ve had whatever kid he’s worried about call to reassure him they’re okay. Sometimes that would be in the middle of the night. Also one daughter left a voicemail that I can play for him when needed that convinces him she’s okay. He’s on medication that helps but that has been adjusted a few times. I’m still learning that I must remain calm and not argue with him about whatever it is he’s seeing and hearing. He occasionally wants me to fix food for the “kids” or “people” that are visiting him. It’s very frustrating. As someone stated, if it’s harmless just let them enjoy their chats...but there have been times I had to stop him from climbing up on a ladder because he was convinced a child was trapped in the ceiling light. He actually went down in the basement in middle of the night guided by the voices he was hearing. It’s scary because sometimes the voices are telling him to do things so I do pay attention to whatever he is saying to “them” to make sure he’s not getting ready to do something dangerous. I am so tired.
I know how taxing this is on the body and soul. I look after my parents for twenty years so there isn’t much I haven’t been through.
The answer of what works for you is like a fingerprint, you will have your own but maybe through the suggestions here, you can find your answer.
1. Check to see if there is an ongoing UTI. I cannot list all the things my parents imagined, said or said or did when there was a UTI going on. 2. See if there is an issue with their medication and investigate first hand the side effects. Research them on Google. One of the medications that was prescribed for my dad had a side effect of agitation, vivid dreams, etc. and even though I had complained to the nurses and doctors, they never suggested it could be xx medication. But when I mentioned it? “Ah, yes, it could be that..” and the dose was changed. And his behavior drastically changed. 3. If on no medication, investigate options that may help but make sure you research them yourself and see what are the side effects. Trust but verify. 4. I do like the idea of the voice messages or video messages of the kids telling everyone that they’re ok. Or you might put up pictures of the kids when they’re young vs. now which a written explanation of who they are, the current age and where they are. (If you person can still read). 5. Remember, what they are feeling, what they are seeing and what they are imagining is as real to them as your reality is to you. Threatening them, screaming at them, talking down to them will have no permanent effect on them. It IS their reality so you must find your way of handling it.
I try to redirect them but without arguing. For example, if she's looking for her children, maybe tell her that their not there but they are safe. Maybe tell them you spoke with them/saw them etc. and they are going to call her later. I know it can be exhausting because a lot of times they accept that answer for a little while and then they start asking all over again.
Redirection works well here too. My mom has cancer and is on hospice. She's asked many times (MANY times I stress) about my children (her grandchildren). Always asks where they are, what are they doing, can't relax until they're inside. Here lately, we do a lot of humoring her, agreeing or disagreeing with her at times of she is having a bad moment of confusion (she's in and out)
Infections, overdosage of medications, low oxygenation, poor sleep, and disease processes in the brain may all cause delusions.
Start eliminating the easy ones. Check for fever, funky urine, and other signs of a stroke (unequal strength in arms legs, or smile, speech difficulties or new confused speech). Look up medications for side effects and overdosage symptoms since older kidneys and livers do not process or clear medications as efficiently as younger ones. Make sure loved one gets 8-9 hours of sleep at night. Adjust their activities to avoid too long of daytime sleep which can cause problems getting nighttime sleep.
After that, you can either have a clinic/doctor check. They can check oxygenation, blood counts for elevated WBCs (infection indicator), labs for blood chemistry (imbalance in electrolytes can cause delusions too), and make referrals if new neurological problems need further investigation.
When my grandmother had delusions, they were related to diseases other than dementia. She had a UTI once, shingles once, and low oxygenation when visiting us in Colorado. All those were addressed and she promptly came back to normal.
Alzheimer's disease is a little different. People slowly lose their memories starting from most recent and "unraveling" backwards. If they are at the stage of being parents of young children, try "white lies" to soothe their anxiety and frustration. Maybe say "they are at a sleepover" or "spending the weekend with family" or "in another room" or "taking a nap" to help calm them down. Try diversions to other activities. If none of these work, you may need to ask your loved one's doctor for a prescription for anti-anxiety medication which should help them to relax even though the delusions persist.
Lots of good suggestions regarding meds, UTI's, etc. Agree with Cwillie, check out Teepa Snow's many videos on YouTube! She an expert on Alz & Dementia behaviors as well as many common scenarios with explanations & solutions for caregivers! I've learned so much & share them with mom's caregiver as well. It's a steep learning curve on this disease, but Teepa Snow (and this site) are so valuable!
In the day she expresses concern for her long gone mom's well being. I tell her , " Everyone's fine , if there was an issue we would tell you "
She asks where Papa could be , he passed away in 2011 . I say " he will come later , he's good , or he's at work " she asks at night "where are the children ? I say " they're asleep or playing. "
The phrase " They're with their mom " calms her down and keeps her quiet for some reason . I don't argue or tell her that these people have passed long ago as the first and last time I informed her that Papa was no longer with us she had a meltdown.
My step dad has a uti and the pain meds for it in the beginning made him hallucinate people and meetings happening that weren' t there . It was harmless and we let him have his meetings in his room. As long as his hallucinations weren't scaring him we didn't intervene and I learned a lot about engineering in the process I guess. We switched pain meds when he started to get better so he's fine now .
Simply put , lie . Cajole, reassure . Investigate what meds they might be taking . Leave it be if it's a harmless delusion . Remain calm and don't entertain them in a long winded argument. Tell them they're safe if they get scared . Whatever fits the situation.
Also consult a GP and see if an evaluation could be done for certain medications to take the edge off and calm them down .
Good luck .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNznZ2MnV3I
I noticed that he began having extremely vivid dreams and memories right after he started taking some "memory" medication. I kept, gently, reminding him that he just started the memory medication and that he was having vivid dreams and memories. He would sometime insist it wasn't a dream, but after he settled down, he would say, "Maybe it was a dream," and would begin recognizing them as such.
However, we got with his doctor, and asked that we cut the medication in half, which we did, and this effect has slowed considerably. He now tells me about his dreams and doesn't mix them with reality. I have had two friends tell me that they had the same experience with their parents upon starting this medication.
I just wish they would open the homes again, I MISS HER TERRIBLY. Whatever comes with my faith and live for mom, we can get through anything. Doll Babby is my suggestion. Blessings.
now grown with families of their own) and thinks they’re in trouble. He has on occasion wandered outside the house looking for them. He also talks to family members that have long passed. It’s hard to calm him because sometimes the tactic that worked prior no longer works. I’ve had whatever kid he’s worried about call to reassure him they’re okay. Sometimes that would be in the middle of the night. Also one daughter left a voicemail that I can play for him when needed that convinces him she’s okay. He’s on medication that helps but that has been adjusted a few times. I’m still learning that I must remain calm and not argue with him about whatever it is he’s seeing and hearing. He occasionally wants me to fix food for the “kids” or “people” that are visiting him. It’s very frustrating. As someone stated, if it’s harmless just let them enjoy their chats...but there have been times I had to stop him from climbing up on a ladder because he was convinced a child was trapped in the ceiling light. He actually went down in the basement in middle of the night guided by the voices he was hearing. It’s scary because sometimes the voices are telling him to do things so I do pay attention to whatever he is saying to “them” to make sure he’s not getting ready to do something dangerous. I am so tired.
The answer of what works for you is like a fingerprint, you will have your own but maybe through the suggestions here, you can find your answer.
1. Check to see if there is an ongoing UTI. I cannot list all the things my parents imagined, said or said or did when there was a UTI going on.
2. See if there is an issue with their medication and investigate first hand the side effects. Research them on Google. One of the medications that was prescribed for my dad had a side effect of agitation, vivid dreams, etc. and even though I had complained to the nurses and doctors, they never suggested it could be xx medication. But when I mentioned it? “Ah, yes, it could be that..” and the dose was changed. And his behavior drastically changed.
3. If on no medication, investigate options that may help but make sure you research them yourself and see what are the side effects. Trust but verify.
4. I do like the idea of the voice messages or video messages of the kids telling everyone that they’re ok. Or you might put up pictures of the kids when they’re young vs. now which a written explanation of who they are, the current age and where they are. (If you person can still read).
5. Remember, what they are feeling, what they are seeing and what they are imagining is as real to them as your reality is to you. Threatening them, screaming at them, talking down to them will have no permanent effect on them. It IS their reality so you must find your way of handling it.
i wish you all the best.
Works amazingly well.
Start eliminating the easy ones. Check for fever, funky urine, and other signs of a stroke (unequal strength in arms legs, or smile, speech difficulties or new confused speech). Look up medications for side effects and overdosage symptoms since older kidneys and livers do not process or clear medications as efficiently as younger ones. Make sure loved one gets 8-9 hours of sleep at night. Adjust their activities to avoid too long of daytime sleep which can cause problems getting nighttime sleep.
After that, you can either have a clinic/doctor check. They can check oxygenation, blood counts for elevated WBCs (infection indicator), labs for blood chemistry (imbalance in electrolytes can cause delusions too), and make referrals if new neurological problems need further investigation.
When my grandmother had delusions, they were related to diseases other than dementia. She had a UTI once, shingles once, and low oxygenation when visiting us in Colorado. All those were addressed and she promptly came back to normal.
Alzheimer's disease is a little different. People slowly lose their memories starting from most recent and "unraveling" backwards. If they are at the stage of being parents of young children, try "white lies" to soothe their anxiety and frustration. Maybe say "they are at a sleepover" or "spending the weekend with family" or "in another room" or "taking a nap" to help calm them down. Try diversions to other activities. If none of these work, you may need to ask your loved one's doctor for a prescription for anti-anxiety medication which should help them to relax even though the delusions persist.
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