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Our brother has already received close to $30,000 this year (January-August) by asking our Mom for money. She doesn’t remember from day to day what he has weaseled from her. So far this year, she’s funded several trips, one of which was an overseas trip. She pays his bills, pays for a maid, funds his “fun time,” buys his groceries....etc. We have asked him to stop taking her to the bank to cash large checks, but he continues. He works part time because he knows she’ll pay for everything. We do not live in the same city but go every other week to take care of everything..from household work, caregivers, bank accounts...etc. He does nothing for her but take her to the grocery store because she’ll buy all of his groceries. He doesn’t fix things, help out with home maintenance, won’t take her to church or any other social activities unless it benefits him. So far that isn’t only out to eat or to the grocery store. He doesn’t even stay around to visit with her. We have cameras/alerts at all outside doors so that we can monitor the activity and monitor who comes and goes. She does have a lady that now lives with her but we can’t ask her to get involved.

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MNh, I did read that your mother has dementia.

It doesn't mean that YOU must care for her.

Get her into a facility and get your brother barred from the facility as someone who is financially abusing a vulnerable adult.

At the very least, you should call Adult Protective Services and report him.

Have you consulted an eldercare attorney?
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If mom is not competent she can’t sign a POA you may have to go the guardian route. But there are different “degrees” of competency; slight to moderate dementia patients may be able to recognize what they are signing. With Alzheimers it will probably be next to impossible for her to be deemed competent to sign.
You’ll need to be careful putting your name on her bank acct and blending monies may make Medicaid approval difficult especially since you do not have POA.
Good luck!
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If mom is competent she can do as she wishes.

You can too. You can stop doing stuff for her and report to APS that she is a vulnerable adult being financially abused.
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M
MotherNeedsHelp Sep 2019
I’m new here and was wondering if you can see what was written under my question. It explains that she has Alzheimer’s and about the situation w/my brother. If you can’t see it, I will need to word my future questions differently. Thanks so much!!!
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Is your Mom competent to sign over DPOA to you? If you suspect she is not can you get letters from the doctors? Do you want to do guardianship? If you have no legal standing there is nothing you can do about any of this. You may want to go to an Elder Law Attorney and ask for immediate intervention for Court Appointed Temporary Guardian to protect her. I am afraid this could get expensive, and in the courts, when there are warring siblings, there is a decent chance that the care will be removed from family and she will become a ward of the state with guardianship by the state. That would leave you with NO SAY even about placement when that time came. Very complicated. Your brother is likely and almost certainly ruining any chance of Mom getting Medicaid funds when her money for her care runs out.
This is a very tough one. I think you do need first of all a diagnosis for Mom as to whether or not she is competent, because if she is you have no say in her ruining her own life. Sadly. Thanks for trying to protect your Mom. I wish you the best and hope you will update us if you find anything that works.
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M
MotherNeedsHelp Sep 2019
It is a very sad situation all around. Just curious if you can see the information I added under my question. It has a lot more detail on the matter. I may have to reword future questions for better clarification. Thanks so much for replying!!
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You need to get DPOA. In the absence of that, get your name on her account. He then will essentially be stealing from you too! I did both these things and stopped the hemorrhaging from her account.
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mstrbill Sep 2019
Will POA allow her to stop her Mom from giving her son money?
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Oooh, you are screwwwwwed, bigtime! As the previous commenter noted, it is her money, and she can spend/waste it just as she likes. Good luck getting her to rein in her showers of affectionate cash onto this clever brother! You will look like the bad cop. But just remember that when her cash runs out, you have no obligation to pick up the slack.
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MotherNeedsHelp Sep 2019
I will have to pick up the slack because as an Alzheimer’s patient, she can’t take care of herself; someone has to. I’m going to work on getting legal power of attorney as someone else suggested.
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Its Mom's money, its up to her to spend it as she wishes. You can try talking to her and explaining her money may need to be saved for her care but if she has a lot of money that may not be necessary. But if you think she may need to apply for Medicaid within 5 years it may come back to bite her and him. You can try to get guardianship if you wish which may open up a whole other can of worms but at least you'd have control over her money. A lot depends on how much money she has, how competent and sound of mind she is now and how much she will need for her care.
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MotherNeedsHelp Sep 2019
Having a parent with Alzheimer’s is like dealing with a little kid. She has no idea about cause and effect. Definitely going to work on getting power of attorney. Thanks!
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