It has been one of those days. I woke this morning. I bought my mother a coffee maker because she has been asking for one. I saw her busy at the machine, so let her be. I like it when she does what she can. She was only making two cups of coffee, but she filled the filter with enough coffee for a big pot. She ran some more water through trying to get the coffee dilute. It was an awful mess. We talked about how much coffee to use. No problem, really. I know it was a challenge for her. I told her I didn't want any coffee and she asked me why in the world I had bought the pot if I wasn't going to drink coffee?
She didn't go back to bed -- understandable with that strong coffee! :-D She wanted to talk. It was the most confusing talk that was twisting my head about as I was trying to get things done. At lunchtime I planned on having some Italian pasta that was leftover from dinner. I searched the refrigerator, but it was nowhere in sight. I asked about it and she said she'd thrown it in the yard for the birds. She said she didn't want me to try to serve it again, and never to buy it again. I looked outside and there it was -- noodles and Italian sausage in tomato sauce sitting in bits in the front yard. I prayed some stray dog would find it and clean it up. But no problem, really. Things like this happen in the world of dementia.
Then she was looking outside and decided our neighbors had turned their water drain spouts to send water into our yard. She said she was going to talk with them and didn't care what they thought. Our neighbors are sweet people. I assured Mom that they hadn't done anything wrong. She didn't listen. She called someone and started crying about what these neighbors were doing to her yard. Sigh. I see an obsessive problem brewing. She wouldn't stop talking about it. I told her a good solution would be to move. No, she said. This was her house, and yada yada.
I had enough of the day and retreated to my room. Fortunately, I had an order that I had to fill that distracted me. It had rained steadily all day, so I hadn't been able to get out for a walk. It was kind of nice to head to the post office. I talked to the clerk there. The normal conversation was so refreshing. My mind can end up feeling so twisted that things can start to seem like all confusion after a while. How do we cope with such confusion?
My Hubby DOES realize that his mind isn't working properly. We discuss this on a regular basis. But, like you all, he's forgotten routines that he's done literally for years! Putting the trash in the correct colored garbage can; putting his dentures in the cup are just two.
He does say lots of times "I love you" and is very gracious.
Go to assisted living yet? No, not for a while.
On the spiritual side, I know it is only by God's grace that I have the answers -- maybe I need to wait a while, but I do get answers. Sometimes, the answer is even No. God will let me know when it's time. Either through a happening or something.
Until we got my sister into memory care, she bought herself Keurigs, serially, could not make it work, threw it into the trash bin, got furious when the agency caregiver pulled it out (“I don’t want them going through my trash!”) and then ordered another. Then her bank started calling me about her VISA charges. Where she is now, all the coffee is decaf, except for a special pot that the higher functioning residents know where to find and seem to handle it okay so far.
My dh, with Parkinsons and also very poor vision, still makes the coffee here. It varies in strength from one day to the next. I’m wiping up all kinds of spills it seems all the time. He is slowly moving from seeing me as helper to seeing me as keeper, I fear. I had to tell him he must not use the log splitter. It runs off the tractor, is a large shiny metal screw with a sharp point that spins; we used to split our firewood with it. I believe now that someone with Parkinsons shouldn’t even own a log splitter, or a chainsaw.
It’s hard sometimes to know if my role is Encourager or Mother-hen. I was about to go to my first caregiver support group meeting in my town when he fell off a stool and split open his scalp, so we spent a half-day at ER, and another half-day yesterday getting the stitches out. Every day is a new adventure.
Thanks for telling about your life Jessie, all the posts on this site are so helpful to me, thank you all.
She won't use a cell phone unless I make her. The little gadgets are perplexing to people who are mentally challenged.
So many people, even young ones, ae dealing with these issues...I have an arrogant, extremely negative mother who drives me up the wall...she takes pleasure in criticizing everything I do, especially food...when I'm with her I add some calming medicine to her coffee or whatver, and it makes a tremendous difference...the problem is she can't know about it...We´ve all seen how much more PLEASANT she becomes with a small dose of the medication though! Hugs!
Today, she started yelling "she's got a knife" and I thought she was talking in her sleep. I am alone with her 12 hours a day, as my husband works an hour away.
I need a break, and there's no one to help, no one. I would love to have someone to talk to.
I think someone ought to put a new rule in place that after someone is diagnosed with dementia, then one person can only stay with them 2 years before they have to rotate off... and they have to have one day break each week. Sounds like a great new rule. It would be handy, too. If you want to put your LO in AS or a NH, then all you have to say is "It's the rule." No guilt or blame involved.
well rounded person; she drains all my energy.
My marriage has been on the shelf, along with my joy.
I wish for a good change.
I pray to God to have her kids pitch in.
They can say the darnedest things. :-D
Make sure you share mom's comment with your brother. Just don't have anything in your mouth that will fly off like a projectile, hehehehe. Gotta laugh....crying is NOT an option! :) ;) ♡ + ♡ = AC = Aging Care!
It sure would be wonderful to get away.
How do you manage her meds? What has been tried and true in your case? Should I open a brand new thread for this topic or does anyone else recall this issue?
Tag! You're it!
About the "it's the rule"...it has occured to me that I'm able to tell ( not ask) my mom what's going to happen since i had the good example that she set as HER mother aged. It was clear that my mom and her sister knew what was best for grandma, and although going to rehab, having a lady come in to shower her, etc., were not things that grandma wanted to do, mom would say "i can't care for you unless you cooperate and do this".
We really have to make the rules, and not ask permission...because those rules are enables us not feel like we're going mad.