My husband and I decided that it would be better for my elderly mother to come and live with us 9 months ago, because she was not eating properly and refused to leave the house, she was also phoning the neighbors repeatedly asking for anything from food to doing odd jobs.
Since she has lived with us we as a family have found that she is very demanding and wants to control our family, she is very selfish and expects everything to be done for her when she wants and not when we are ready.
She has no hobby interests outside of reading the newspaper and housework which we refuse to let her assist with because she refuses to follow simple house rules, even when these are explained and pointed out to her she will still do things her way.
We have had to stop her from entering the rest of the house and have confined her to her room, we have tried to encourage her to develop a hobby, with suggestions of knitting, sewing, embroidery etc, she refuses to try anything, she just pushes everything she is not interested in to one side.
She will wrap and hide food she does not want to eat in her socks and or in put it in her pocket and under her mattress, she will even hide drinks and then ask for more.
Our biggest problem is that she never considers our schedule/routine, she will awake as soon as the sun comes up and refuses to sleep and or rest until it is dark. We have explained that she will get three meals a day when we are ready, but she refuses to listen, which means that while we are busy she will repeatedly say she is hungry and wants her breakfast, lunch or evening meal, depending on the time of day, but if we allow her to get her own meals, she will just get a piece of bread or a roll, and a glass of milk, which is why she was losing weight when she lived on her own.
We feel that she wants to mother our family but in her own outdated way and refuses to listen to anything we explain to her, we all feel stressed and feel the best option is to not get drawn into explaining anything to her.
I would add that she has a habit of trying to get our attention, this can be anything from hiding a drink and telling us she wants a drink, or throwing things out of the window and then asking us to pick it up.
It does not matter what we are discussing with her, she will not take any notice and just focus on what she wants and when she wants it, so for example if she is focused on telling us to get the evening meals ready, we will sit and explain when and how we do things and she will not listen because as soon as the conversation is finished, she will just repeat the same again.
Here I would add that when we talk to her, it does not matter if its a positive conversation or a negative conversation about her behavior, she will thrive on it and try to draw out the conversation as long as she can, but at the same time she does not take in what we are talking about, because she only listens and remembers the things that matter to her.
We feel she is a very selfish woman who 86 years age still wants to mother everyone in the family, at times we feel she cannot remember and at other times we feel she is lying, but she definately remembers the things that matter to her.